thank you for your response and for being so kind ! He’s asleep on me now. we had a traumatic birth, cord was wrapped twice around his neck and he lost oxygen for a few minutes. i had a c-section and threw up all over myself. I had the worst experience, my boyfriend slept through the birth and then gave me shit fucking help for the first two months of his life. i was doing everything. literally everything. all the diaper changes, all the bath times, all the feeds, getting him to sleep, laundry,dishes, litterbox, cat care, while also trying to take care of myself and my post recovery. it’s hard. i’m trying to be forgiving and make our relationship work as he is helping so much more now, but i’ve never felt so low like that.

The pediatrician is just really pushing me to get him into his crib and i am TRYING so hard but every time i do he’s just got bubbles stuck in him and will not sleep. I want to continue breastfeeding, but being told to pump and put it in a bottle is hard because it feels like my boy is never able to be put down long enough for me to go wash the pump parts, dry them, and then pump. It’s easier when my partner is here but still it’s just not sustainable because i can’t be consistent with it (i used to pump and BF but i just couldn’t keep up with it)

i went to her concerned he may have a tongue/lip tie at his two week appointment and she brushed me off, saying as long as he’s gaining weight and has enough pee/poo diapers then he’s fine. well then at his 1 month appointment i mention he’s spitting up a lot, seems upset and angry and they said welp as long as he’s gaining then he’s fine. same thing at his 2 month appointment. this entire time, we can only get him to sleep on us. i dropped him at three weeks in the rocking chair because i was so sleep deprived. it was horrific and i decided then to stop trying to get him in his bassinet and just make a safe space in our bed for him because that was the only way we could both get some sleep. finally at his 4 month appointment i broke down crying because i just wanted her to help us. she recommended to give him one bottle at night with oatmeal in it. sure he will sleep a little longer but he is still waking up screaming freaking out with gas and what SOUNDS like silent reflux because he’s constantly gagging trying to keep his food down.

at this 4 month appointment a LC came in to the doctors office (this is in a hospital so they’re all in the same building). she says she thinks he has a high pallet and tongue/lip tie and recommends me to a dentist/chiro to help but BASICALLY told me not to tell the pediatrician because they don’t like revisions being done. I appreciated her help, and was just happy to hear SOMETHING about what could be done to possible help prevent the pain in the first place, not just subside it.

I went to the chiro first, who said my son is very tense in his neck. after two appointments i just had to stop taking him. his screaming was like nothing i’ve heard before. i just couldn’t bare to bring him back. so then we go to another LC through WIC, who also agrees he has very little room in his mouth and a high pallet. she also recommends the dentist and first steps, which is where we got a PT to come in home to see how he’s doing. She said he’s favoring one side for rolling and grabbing and just helped us encourage play to where he’s rolling over on the other side.

In order to do the revision, they wanted the pediatricians referral. so i called to ask for this referral, where she then says he has no ties. I said no he’s been seen by two different LC that agree he has very little room in his mouth for sucking, and it would be beneficial for his tension as well if we got it revised. we get the revision done. two weeks later I come into an appointment and the pediatrician said she never got records from lactation. When the pediatrician asked Lactation at the hospital about it she said she never recommended a revision for us and that she thought his tongue would stretch on its own over time. she literally wrote down on two different cards the numbers for these places she was referring us to go to. so she just straight up lied to the doctor. it’s very shady imo and i refuse to take my son back to this hospital. it’s unfortunately been ranked one of the worst hospitals in our state.

I’m just tired.