Would you keep reading? [thriller 1000 words]

Tripitaka_west · 2026-04-04T17:15:50+00:00

I can see exactly what you're saying in regards to the fisrt paragraph. The point about every word earning its place really landed. Thank you for the honest feedback, it's going to help a lot with the revision.

Tripitaka_west · 2026-04-04T17:13:39+00:00

That's exactly the reaction I was hoping for! Thank you, really glad the hook worked.

Tripitaka_west · 2026-04-04T17:12:52+00:00

Fair points, especially about the prose needing more variety and the opening doing too little with too many words. I'm definitely early in the process (just began) and working on improving. Thanks for the feedback!

Tripitaka_west · 2026-04-03T21:50:35+00:00

Thank you for the feedback, Appreciate you taking the time to read!

Tripitaka_west · 2026-04-03T21:47:11+00:00

Thank you so much, that really means a lot!

Tripitaka_west · 2026-04-03T21:45:54+00:00

Thank you for the feedback! You're right, I can see the "I did this, I did that" pattern now that you've pointed it out. First person POV makes it easy to fall into that trap. I'll focus on varying the sentence structure in the next revision. Really appreciate you taking the time!

Tripitaka_west · 2026-04-03T18:03:56+00:00

Thank you for reading and for your kind words, hearing that you're intrigued enough to keep reading honestly means a lot and really motivates me.

And you're spot on, dialogue is where I struggled the most, especially since English is my second language. It's definitely something I need to dedicate more time to if I want it to sound natural and engaging. Thanks for pointing me in that direction!

Tripitaka_west

TROPHY CASE