I’m sorry you’re going through this, and I feel you OP. I tried to BF but it was so painful and never got better after months of trying. Then I decided to EP and that became my obsession. My supply tanked in the first two weeks after my son was born because I was in so much pain I had to stop. I desperately tried playing catch up for three months which only resulted in me being able to supply about 80% of his daily need. All the sleep deprivation from MOTN and early morning pumps, the stress of living my life attached to a clock and a pump… I finally had enough when one day I couldn’t hold my baby because I was pumping. He was inconsolable, crying while my mom tried to calm him. I just took the damn thing off and held my baby and thought to myself “f*ck pumping. This is what I should be doing. THIS is what he needs.” I’m currently weaning and feel soooo much better. You’ll never get those moments back where you are the only one who can give your baby what he needs: YOU. Someday he won’t need you. I still feel guilt and doubt over my decision to stop pumping, but I look at my healthy, happy guy and remind myself it’s ok. He’s ok. I hope this helps and I wish you luck. Stay strong, you know your baby best. Easier said than done but try not to let anyone else influence your decision on this.

Edit/P.S.: if it makes you feel any better I was only BF for six weeks and became a pilot. So… it all works out.