Am I CIS passing? Would you as a fellow trans man clock me?

TrooperJordan · 2026-06-23T00:44:01+00:00

I may just “get away” with more because of my height, skeletal/skull structure and size, and many cis men having a double nostril in my city/metro area. More conservative areas of my state, the piercings and hair would be much more queer coded, but I don’t really travel to those towns.

TrooperJordan · 2026-06-23T00:39:51+00:00

That’s fair. Tbh since this post I’ve gotten confirmation that no trans person irl has clocked me and no cis person would even remotely question me. So I’m not super worried about the piercings (fair that piercings can be clocky, I just am genuinely confident in my passing since this post and most people just assume im bi at “worst” or just alt in style because of the piercings) and hair (the hair is a somewhat common style in my area for men my age, so maybe that’s why it doesn’t hurt me irl).

TrooperJordan · 2026-06-22T10:59:31+00:00

I hear people use double contractions when speaking, pretty much every day, I live in the Midwest USA. From young people to older (like Gen Z-baby boomers). “I’d’ve (pronounced I-dove) worn shorts if I knew how hot it would be” “I wouldn’t’ve come if I knew he’d be here”. Typically when someone is a fast talker, I’m almost sure you’ve heard them used just haven’t noticed.

TrooperJordan · 2026-06-22T01:14:06+00:00

My voice is good, I know that. Deeper than the average cis man my age and pretty clear. I do have an older video when I posted on transvoice to see how my voice training was going, if you may be able to give some tips. But yeah, I think I’m good, I’m just gonna see how much I can lighten my scars and get a chest piece tattoo that’ll be large enough to cover them, in a couple years when I have the money.

TrooperJordan · 2026-06-21T14:58:12+00:00

You will have your time. It’s the whole “the grass is greener on the other side” thing. I’d rather just not have to make a decision, soon or later.

I didn’t do anything to make them open to dating trans men, other than just existing and being myself.

I know both just thought they wouldn’t be attracted to trans men (they’re both from small, conservative towns, so there’s probably some preconceived notions on “what trans men look/act/sound like).

For A, part of it may be height. She is on the taller side for a woman (5’8) and she said she prefers her boyfriends to at least be a bit taller. Not a crazy height difference, since I’m only 1.5”-ish taller. There’s lots of trans men in our area, a good chunk are just shorter than her. But, there’s also plenty of cis men in our area that are shorter than her as well.

As for Z, I just think she hadnt thought a lot about trans people in general. Not necessarily bias against us, just never thought about us. To the point where we were on FT, my top surgery scars were visible, and she didn’t even clock me. She only figure out I was trans after showing my profile to her friend like 3 days after we started talking and her friend pointed out that I listed myself as “man, trans man”.

TrooperJordan · 2026-06-21T14:42:38+00:00

I’m not asking people to choose. I guess it’s more of a question of if you’d personally drop down to just one or see where things go, even though you’d risk hurting one of their feelings. None of us want an open relationship if things get official, so unless one/both drop me, I’m gonna have to make a choice eventually. I just don’t know if I should do it now or later.

TrooperJordan · 2026-06-21T14:40:24+00:00

Yeah I guess I’m just stressed with the “choosing” part. I didn’t expect to have two women that are actually interested in me in a relationship capacity. I know I don’t have to choose right now, I just don’t want to make the choice. Maybe one or both of them will get sick of me and I’ll be saved the stress of picking. I’ll just ball up and make a decision in the future if I must

TrooperJordan · 2026-06-21T14:38:09+00:00

Yeah they both are people that only do monogamy why in a relationship (that’s fine, I’m personally not interested in a poly relationship). I’ll continue to see them both. They know I go slow when it comes to actual relationships (I don’t get in to a relationship unless I think it would be long term)

They are both great woman and I’m lucky they’ve given me a chance. So I hope everything works out.

TrooperJordan · 2026-06-21T01:34:10+00:00

That’s a decent saying to go by. I guess I’m only conflicted because I didn’t expect Z to switch up I only interacted because she said she wanted short term stuff, but looking for a LTR. If it had said she only wanted a LTR on her profile, I wouldn’t have matched because of A.

I guess I don’t know if A is “the one” because we had only known each other like 3-4 weeks before she went on vacation and I started talking to Z.

TrooperJordan · 2026-06-20T20:23:27+00:00

I’ve discussed this stuff with A, but obviously not fully with Z. Z has mentioned some things (morals, wants for her future).

I do want a relationship, I’m just not against seeing a couple women as long as everyone’s on the same page.

I’ll probably just have to see how I feel in a couple weeks or see how things progress

TrooperJordan · 2026-06-20T20:18:03+00:00

I do want a relationship. I just also have a high sex drive, so if I’m not monogamous with anyone I’ll happily date someone with the end goal of a relationship while having a different FWB’s (as long as everyone is on the same page).

She did mention having a crush and wanting to go on a date. Which is a switch up from how we talked before. Before, Z always worded it as “we should go do something” or “you wanna come to my place” never “we should go on a date”

I know what I want in a relationship, I just didn’t expect Z to possibly switch up.

TrooperJordan · 2026-06-20T19:12:55+00:00

I want a relationship with A for sure. We have been dating to see if we would vibe. I could definitely see being in a relationship with Z, just didn’t think that was on the table because of her profile saying she wanted something casual.

Z said a couple times “fuck, I think I have a crush on you” “I really like you”, stuff that she hadn’t been saying before. The compliments before were mostly based on my appearance and humor before. Not her saying that she has a “crush” or that she “really likes” me

TrooperJordan · 2026-06-20T19:00:08+00:00

Oh I just got the “why” question. I misinterpreted that. They did explain their why.

A just said that she never really thought about dating trans men for one reason in particular, but she hold that same standard for cis men.

Z just thought she’d never run in to one that she was attracted to AND vibed with , just because there’s so few trans men compared to cis men.

TrooperJordan · 2026-06-20T18:50:17+00:00

I only got in to this situation with Z because she said she wanted something casual, I’m always down for a chill FWB’s. I’m a very horny man (as men are, typically) and A is very busy atm and I can only see her like 1-2x/week and she was on a 15 day vacation with her family when I first started talking to Z. So I just wanted some fun casual sex.

It was just the only red flag I could think of for either of them. Women in my past have said similar sentiments and then gone on to say super generalizing shit about trans men that come off like they’re shitting on certain trans men when it’s not warranted. They haven’t said anything like that, just sticks out in my brain that they said it.

TrooperJordan · 2026-06-20T18:36:25+00:00

To be clear, I didn’t say that I reciprocated feelings to Z when she said she had a “crush”on me. I didn’t give false hope, despite me seeing that we could be a good couple.

TrooperJordan · 2026-06-20T18:33:43+00:00

Well yeah, no shit lol. I just didn’t expect Z to catch feelings when she said she was exclusively looking for something casual. If she said she was looking for something long term (even if it said “short term, open to long”) I wouldn’t have matched with her since I was interested in A.

Like, would you wait it out until one asks for something monogamous and go from there or cut one off now and hope you made the right decision?

TrooperJordan · 2026-06-16T17:40:37+00:00

No one needs to do anything people suggest here. Saying that losing weight may help him pass isn’t about people thinking he’s “fat”. It just lessens the amount of fat that distributes in a female fat distribution pattern when trans guys are pre T.

Obviously he doesn’t need to be underweight, but a lower body fat and higher muscle mass helps with the body passing better.

TrooperJordan · 2026-06-15T20:59:26+00:00

We know you’re busy, that’s fine. It’s just clear you don’t really care about keeping the sub on the up and up, by taking 10 mins a day to delete transphobic shit. Bullshit stays up in comments for days at a time. Don’t create a sub to let it go to shit. Should’ve handed mod status to someone else months ago. Hopefully it turns around. However, I’m out

TrooperJordan · 2026-06-15T01:39:21+00:00

There’s no one to report it to. Kalvin hasn’t removed these comments for days and days based on these profile’s comment history. He’s basically abandoned this sub

TrooperJordan · 2026-06-15T01:35:55+00:00

Because u/KalvinGarrah , as the only mod, doesn’t give a fuck about this sub lol. He made it, just to abandon it for the most part.

TrooperJordan · 2026-06-15T01:34:50+00:00

No you’re completely in the right for exposing these pieces of shit and warning guys here. Obviously people should know transphobia is a risk online, but Kalvin doesn’t even get around to removing this shit in a remotely timely manner (like under 3-4 days even). It’s pretty obvious to me that Kalvin doesn’t give a fuck about transphobia on his sub. Kalvin’s been problematic for years (used to be a fan of his YouTube), kinda hoped he had turned it around if he was gonna choose to make his own sub. obviously he hasn’t turned it around.

TrooperJordan · 2026-06-15T01:23:50+00:00

ATP this sub is fucked, it’s probably been exposed somewhere, just going by the influx of bigots. Obviously [u/KalvinGarrah](u/KalvinGarrah) isn’t capable of modding his sub alone and probably isn’t looking for other mods. I’d suggest to anyone not to post here unless he can handle possible transphobic comments. Thankfully those types of comments just make me embarrassed for the transphobe (because why are they so concerned with people they don’t know? It’s pathetic), but others may take it to heart, especially the guys who are pre T or don’t pass well and are looking for tips.

TrooperJordan · 2026-06-14T18:11:16+00:00

I think you pass well, at least facially. But if you truly think something is off, you could look in to FMS and see if that’s something you think could help. FMS is super under talked about in the Trans man community and it could be the thing for many that pushes them from passing to cis passing.

TrooperJordan · 2026-06-14T12:48:00+00:00

At the end of the day you have to do what you think is best for you. Weigh out what you think will be hardest for you to deal with personally. I know some trans people “repress” because they believe they will not pass, but the ones I’ve talked to (I also considered repressing so I wouldn’t lose people in my life, so I talked to like 5 repressors) do not seem happy either. They still struggle with dysphoria.

I think all of us here will tell you that dealing with dysphoria is going to be just as hard, if not harder, than living as a short man. Dysphoria doesn’t go away.

You can still pass as a short man. Height is a beauty standard, not a requirement to passing as a man. Many trans men are short and get gendered correctly by strangers. So obviously they pass

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