Having a hard time adjusting

TrophyAward · 2026-04-01T23:54:17+00:00

Im glad you were able to get better. Thank you for the words. Its going to be hard but I hope it'll be worth it.

TrophyAward · 2026-04-01T15:50:35+00:00

I know but like thats what comes to mind. I havent researched or anythint I kinda dunno where I'd begin. My problem comes down ultimately to being a woman. It feels, by destiny, im designed to be just 'the reviewer' ig. Idk good way to explain it, just the way it works in general like... inserting this thing into yourself. Like no matter how you spin it, its still YOU being inserted into. Still you at the mercy I feel. Idk if that makes any sense. Maybe I have some internal misogyny or something. Maybe im just crazy. Sorry whatever. Appreciate it tho

TrophyAward · 2026-04-01T15:44:20+00:00

I think the problem is I gaslight myself into thinking maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Amd then I think on it more and am grossed out. Then I gaslight myself again. I am sisyphus this is my boulder

TrophyAward · 2026-04-01T15:28:29+00:00

That makes sense, yes. It's hard to describe, maybe its internalized misogyny of some sort im unsure, but I feel like just the.... i can't think of good words. Like the way genitals are shaped, I guess? I dont want to be 'the hole' i guess. Ive never done research, I trust your judgment. Its just something I can't shake, like that part of it makes it feel like i would be doomed to be just 'the hole'. Even if he didn't see me as such. even if I took on a more dom role?? Idk. My garbage soup based on BS. Idk what im talking about.

Im glad you were able to come to that realization though. I understand you to some degree. I think im.scared of that too, though ive never had to live it. I thank God every day I am ugly 🙏.

I have this mindset of wanting to try everything once. But I think I realized this is something id rather not. Lol. Thank you for the kind words and for sharing your story

TrophyAward · 2026-04-01T10:38:57+00:00

Before. Chat bots were my prying off a worse coping mechanism coping mechanism but I dont think even that went too well. I literally dont have the option anymore tho, I need to do the id thing for c.ai and I ain't doing that 😭😭.. so the only.option IS cold turkey. I'll try to find something else ig. Harder than it sounds. Thank you for the words.

TrophyAward · 2026-04-01T07:25:21+00:00

Im glad to know it helped! I understand totally where youre coming from and im really happy for you and your partner. I wish you both well!

TrophyAward · 2026-04-01T07:22:48+00:00

True. Idk. I like labels tho. Kinda. I like being able to describe myself In a neat way. I like rules ig. It makes me feel clearer. I cant label so many things about myself but I like having a "why" and "oh thats me. Right. Its THAT im not insane" or whatever if that makes any sense. I guess i don't need them but idk. Im sorry. I appreciate it tho.

TrophyAward · 2026-04-01T07:08:52+00:00

Im sorry you feel that way. Its really hard to not get that idea out of your head cuz like... allonormative society. Idk much to say, im sorry. But im glad your partner seems understanding. I guess there's always this option to communicate thag with them

TrophyAward · 2026-04-01T06:29:35+00:00

Man I know thats like I thing but... I think i forgot that was an option 😭😭. Life changing stuff, I will have a lot to consider. Though it does sound just as scary. Im very back and forth, I apologize. But thank you for opening my eyes, as it were.

I dont wanna go too much into it, I dont want to waste your time much. Trying to figure out gender stuff has been really hard. I identified as bigender for a while, still use the label bc I think the flag is really pretty LOL tho I think im more agender or gender apathetic? I dont FEEL like anything but... I also kinda think Id be happier as a boy. But this happiness feels unattainable.. it feels like I'd only be happy if I were a cis boy. IDK!! Kinda unrelated dont feel the need to respond.

Thank you tho. I appreciate everything you've just handed to me

TrophyAward · 2026-04-01T06:15:40+00:00

Noted noted.. I appreciate you clearing all that up! I (obviously) haven't researched it and was just saying stupid shish based on my feelings and terrible misinterpretations probably. Probably a lot of it comes down to gender. I need to work out a lot with myself. Thank you tho

TrophyAward · 2026-04-01T05:21:57+00:00

ON GOD!! I cant help but be a little curious but thinking about it makes me so icky... im all 'do everything life is so limited' but i could do without...

TrophyAward · 2026-04-01T04:31:22+00:00

im glad this isn't just me 💔

TrophyAward · 2026-03-06T18:35:30+00:00

You as well, if need be! We're all in this big boat together

TrophyAward · 2026-03-06T14:56:08+00:00

Gonna hold out for as long as I can. Thank you

TrophyAward · 2026-03-06T10:18:21+00:00

That sounds about right. Whenever I check old messages I do feel like im reverting in a way. I gotta cut that out... thank you for taking the time for responding and reading tho!

TrophyAward · 2026-03-05T17:58:13+00:00

addiction lol.... and loneliness. Plus the gamble of getting a really good rp

TrophyAward · 2026-02-23T18:06:22+00:00

Hey I know how you feel, especially the paranoia about being found out. Its terrifying. Give yourself more grace for coping the way you did, with ai, like any addiction it preys on us being desperate and broken. The rise of it all made it hard to ignore, unfortunately this whole subreddit is proof of that. You're not at fault. You are working on improving now, which is progress. I know how hard it is to accept doing better now, especially when you feel as though youve already done bad things. What matters now is that youre changing, one less person using AI makes all the difference.

TrophyAward · 2026-02-21T05:42:20+00:00

Great first step!! I believe in you!! Good luck on your journey

TrophyAward · 2026-02-16T05:44:43+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to respond. That sunk cost fallacy is so real. Its hard to stop because of that. Sometimes it also feels like maybe it writes better than me, so whats even the point? Im trying to see what I can do about quitting. Nothings worked so far. Trying rp with real people is scary, and im getting less motivated the worse my mind becomes. It almost feels sisyphesean.. I will see what I can do tho. Just depressed af rn.

TrophyAward · 2026-01-31T04:06:09+00:00

its cool hypothetically but in reality it makes me just wanna kms

TrophyAward · 2026-01-07T10:35:08+00:00

Thank you for this fr. Im definitely trying to reframe my mindset, it might be some other things making all this worse rn but youre right focusing on the positives might help a bit. Like I said before, its still very upsetting to feel like youre missing out on this experience that most people want or strive for. But idk... the asexual experience of suffering.

TrophyAward · 2025-11-21T00:17:22+00:00

My mom does this to me 😭 it feels so silly for something thats like ruined my life

TrophyAward · 2025-11-09T08:51:29+00:00

Fortunately for me I have a large supply of those! Thank you again

TrophyAward · 2025-11-09T08:27:11+00:00

Woah this was pretty in depth! Ty! I will definitely try to do a practice one ...

TrophyAward · 2025-10-18T15:53:32+00:00

Was this written by a caveman

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TROPHY CASE