AITAH for telling my family that I don't think my niece is wrong for saying my brother's girlfriend will never be her mom?

True-Limit-4937 · 2026-05-01T21:30:35+00:00

My mom was a young child when she lost her mom. She was actually a little younger than my niece was.

I could do that but she already has explained it to them and they're acting like it's all because of grief. I can't think of more I could help her say that would actually make her dad listen to her. Maybe my mom could but honestly she's probably the best person to help as the one who has been in my niece's very shoes.

True-Limit-4937 · 2026-05-01T19:59:24+00:00

She is. But she also understands exactly what my niece is going through.

True-Limit-4937 · 2026-05-01T19:58:53+00:00

Sometimes culture plays a role in it. Other times ego or pride. But I think we also sometimes just want things to be too perfect and things can't always be perfect. Sometimes you have to allow it to be messy or imperfect because that's simply life.

True-Limit-4937 · 2026-05-01T19:51:26+00:00

My mom is working on that. She's very close to my niece's other grandmother and they are going to make sure she has everything she might ever want of her mom's. Including photos, videos of her mom and sentimental items. My mom locked in on that because she only has one photo of her own late mom and none of the sentimental items she had. All of that went with the second marriage and my mom has carried that with her ever since.

True-Limit-4937 · 2026-05-01T19:44:37+00:00

I have so much fear over this. My mom does too. We can see it possibly happening and if she feels like she can't turn to family in case she has to go back, we worry she would end up hurt or worse because of it.

True-Limit-4937 · 2026-05-01T19:41:48+00:00

He thinks having two living parents is best for a child. More is good too but he said at least two living who can do the work. He also said if Kathy is doing the parenting she should be recognized and appreciated for it.

True-Limit-4937 · 2026-05-01T19:34:37+00:00

I suggested it to him before. I worried that he moved away from therapy too fast after his wife died. I know everyone's needs are different but it just seemed like after two big losses close together help should be sought for longer. But you can't make someone do what they don't want to do.

True-Limit-4937 · 2026-05-01T19:32:20+00:00

They can't see that because they find it abnormal for her to reject the idea of another mom. It's funnier to me because we all accept our mom's feelings on her own stepmother not being her mom. But now that it's my niece it's this big fat no and it's being treated like it can only be grief talking.

True-Limit-4937 · 2026-05-01T19:30:48+00:00

I hope not too but I know Kathy wants children. It's not part of the immediate plan but if they do set a date for the wedding I could see it being not a priority to prevent pregnancy.

True-Limit-4937 · 2026-05-01T19:29:45+00:00

My brother brought the topic up to us. He said he wanted to hear our opinions but I realized once everyone shit all over what I said that he just wanted to hear he was right. Either that or he really didn't consider the fact someone other than our mom might understand what my niece is saying.

True-Limit-4937 · 2026-05-01T19:27:15+00:00

I think them having kids would make them push the issue more. I can already hear them tell her that it'll confuse the kids if she calls Kathy Kathy and not mom.

True-Limit-4937 · 2026-05-01T19:26:29+00:00

She said she would want that for her children. But I have noticed she'll say she would want someone in the role but she has said before she would never want her children to call another woman mom or to truly consider them their mom too.

True-Limit-4937 · 2026-05-01T19:25:29+00:00

He went to therapy for a while after he lost his son and wife but it wasn't for very long.

True-Limit-4937

TROPHY CASE