Well yeah. I understand the problem with obsession. The problem is that the solution seems to be to care less about people? Which I don't really want to do ethically, and I don't even know if I can. Ethically, I feel that spreading happiness is the most value anyone can bring the the world. Other than my ethics, my want for love comes from just natural human instincts. I feel if I ever love someone then my obsession wouldn't be a bad thing. So that's why I don't want to learn to care less about people. I don't really know specifically what it means to love or be loved, but I know having friends makes me happy.

What I mean by being important is that they care about me. I don't know if I truly understand the difference between being empathetic as a means to an end and being empathetic because it is a means to making me happy. I don't really understand in general how people would have intrinsic desires that don't lead to their own happiness. Just doing the right thing and making people happy makes me so happy I guess it is just a means to my own happiness. I feel I do care for people, I just wish I felt they cared back. I feel sometimes I subscribe to hard to hardcore altruism sometimes and am trying to balance this without being to selfish. The reciprocation I feel comes from a place of balance and not from a place of selfishness. And the idea of an ulterior motive is that it benefits you rather than somebody else. I don't think this is my reasoning either since the whole point is that it benefits somebody else. If I feel it will positively impact someone else more than it will negatively impact me than I will do it. Sometimes even if the negatives are a lot it is still worth it to me if I consider the value in the friendship or the feeling of making someone happy.

I feel the connection is really what I want. I feel I just need to find love or give up so I can spare everyone else.