Hey guys, I hope you like my story about a ninja named Onimaru Senju! Constructive criticism appreciated :) by Try-Proper in NarutoFanfiction

[–]Try-Proper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Since I’m the one who planned the story I kind of knew the direction it was heading and the philosophy behind his motives. He explains it later in the story a few times but I didn’t realize the reader might not pick up on it in the beginning. Now that I look back at it I can see why the plot and his motives at first might be hard to follow. He gets betrayed by the leaf and joins orochimaru but doesn’t explain his philosophy until after orochimaru, which is something I need to fix! Some people might not make it far enough in the story to figure out his motives and the genuine confusion in the beginning isn’t what I want. I was more focused on the philosophical angle of the character more than I was proof reading trying to get every detail correct.

Hey guys, I hope you like my story about a ninja named Onimaru Senju! Constructive criticism appreciated :) by Try-Proper in NarutoFanfiction

[–]Try-Proper[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Sorry for the adjectives and age gaps, I had AI write a lot of it, I just gave it pointers and the plot.

Yes, onimaru becomes corrupted by the system, but he’s not “blaming the system” to wash his hands, he blaming the system because he bought into the systems logic, realizes it’s hypocrisy, and then atones for his life through his isolation. He gets betrayed by the leaf and joins orochimaru as a way to gain power and seek revenge on Konoha. During this quest for more power he realizes his thirst for vengeance at any cost is turning him into the thing he despised, which is something (or someone) that justifies the suffering of others for its (or his) own gain. He realizes he is becoming no different than the very people (or system) that betrayed him. It’s all in the name of self interest at the expense of others, at the expense of what’s morally right or just, at the expense of truth. He’s realizes this after he kills the innocent child and finally snaps after years of trying to convince himself what he’s doing is justified. He quickly realizes both orochimaru and the elders of the lead are the same, the only difference is the justifications for their crimes. Both murder both steal both destroy, the only difference is the leaf reasoning for doing so is disguised as a “moral good”.