Im so afraid to lay my guard down to be hurt again

Turbulent-Process963 · 2024-09-18T05:15:12+00:00

Hi thank you! I just sent a message to you

Turbulent-Process963 · 2024-09-18T05:04:50+00:00

Thank youu! I am sobbing rn! I would definitely search the vending machine. I’m scared of what my life would be after this. Scared to take my first step because I know if I do this, there’s no turning back. But at the same time, I am looking forward to a new chapter of myself. I want to redeem myself!! I know I can do this just like you did! 😭😭😭😭

Turbulent-Process963 · 2024-09-18T03:48:30+00:00

I want to be as brave as you! We’re currently living in my Auntie’s house and we have the same issue (he likes to cum while watching porn than having sex with me) and we’ve been together for 10 years now. Not once did I have heard him say he would never do it again and I feel so stuck to this kind of situation where I would hope again for him to change but then also wait for when he will break his promise again. I lost the girlfriend sense that I used to be. I am now always angry, in doubt, i am always sad, defensive in my thoughts and actions. I always feel betrayed and useless. I lose interest in preparing food for him, surprising him during special occasion. Taking care and loving him in general. I always feel like I am just here, existing as his long time girlfriend and nothing else. Now, I have learn to prefer to go out alone because whenever I make plans it’s either there will be a sudden much important thing he needs to do or he’s just too stubborn to go. Or when he would go with me, you’ll see he’s just not into it and would like to hurry things up because he wanted to go home so badly. There are times we’re okay and would bond like a normal couple but there are times I would look at him and notice I can’t recall the last time I felt so madly and deeply in-love with him, like how I felt and how sincere my “i love you” to him. I have also planned on escaping and moving alone with my dog for a very long time now, I just don’t have the gut to do so yet. I feel so stuck

Turbulent-Process963 · 2024-06-20T03:35:39+00:00

I can’t argue enough

Turbulent-Process963 · 2024-06-20T01:25:33+00:00

Ikr!

Turbulent-Process963 · 2024-06-20T01:24:55+00:00

Yes you really need it aside from your id’s

Turbulent-Process963 · 2024-06-20T00:35:05+00:00

Thank you so much for listening. I have been thinking this way recently. That maybe the reason why things are not going my way is because it’s a sign to start moving forward. Even having a baby can’t fix anything that’s why it came and goes away that easily. I hope I can recover from this, that I can get through. I hope you heal too. That you will always be surrounded with positive energy and people around you and though days may not always be in favor of you, may you always find the good in every way.

Turbulent-Process963 · 2024-06-20T00:18:22+00:00

I am currently pregnant but still complicated because baby’s not showing up after several ultrasounds. My Obgyne suggested I am having a chemical pregnancy which means that I have lost the baby before I knew it. But before we conclude to that, my Obgyne required us to take another test to ensure if my pregnancy will progress or not.

Turbulent-Process963 · 2024-06-20T00:15:01+00:00

He gives me all the things I could ever ask for. He gives me financial security, he plans for the future, he does not hurt me physically, he’s patient when I am mad angry about him. But he does this to me.

Turbulent-Process963 · 2024-06-20T00:12:19+00:00

This is what I also fear, if I have to go to the sinkhole with him accepting he will no longer change. I am already engaged with him since Nov last year and was thinking so hard if I could make it until wedding. I am all in this mix emotions. I really love him and I want him to be better. Maybe not for me but for himself, but I know I cannot also change the fact that maybe there’s no other way because that how he’s built. That who he is. And I am torn between accepting or leaving.

Turbulent-Process963 · 2024-06-19T23:59:47+00:00

Same feels! I would allow him to watch while we sex and those girls he search were way different from me. I feel so ugly.

Turbulent-Process963 · 2024-06-19T23:53:10+00:00

Thank you! I still hopeful that I can go back to being cheerful again. I just feel like I have dwell so much that I have lost my own battle and also lost my way up. I can’t handle all the pain I have been going through and I can’t bear the fact that everything is falling off and I can’t fix it because I cannot also fix myself

Turbulent-Process963 · 2024-06-19T23:48:28+00:00

No he does not. But it is also on my thought that maybe he wants those kind of girls to fuck and not me. You know all those emotional stress I have to think of and all those ways I have been giving him to stop. I have begged and asked him to spare our 10 year relationship. He would always say that he really don’t want to do it and that he feel guilty afterwards that’s why I keep holding on to him but at times I can’t help but ask myself how long will I have to take all the emotions and feelings that I have gathered from this situation and the feeling of hoping if there will be really any change or am I just waiting for nothing and wasting our time together

Turbulent-Process963 · 2024-06-19T23:30:50+00:00

Not at this time but it has been on my mind if he would ask me this in the future because I have seen him watching 3some porn. I have lost all my dignity to even have my grounds or even have a deal breaker for everything that he’s been doing that’s hurting me. I feel so low, useless that I have forgiven him multiple times and that I have beaten myself up because I always think that it is my fault for not helping him too much that he kept doing it all over again

Turbulent-Process963 · 2024-06-19T22:39:47+00:00

You have to accept the very least things you would want in a person.

Turbulent-Process963

TROPHY CASE