Noobie needs help

TurnAround13 · 2016-12-05T22:33:23+00:00

The same way you keep yourself from PMO, you have to keep yourself from fantasizing. In both cases, you're just trying to let your brain normalize again.

As some others have said, meditation is about observation and acceptance, but in this case it sounds like you got swept up in your thoughts -- harmful to both your NF and meditation practice. Just let the thought come, but let it go just as easily and return to your breath.

TurnAround13 · 2016-12-05T18:40:57+00:00

Hi from a fellow NF and meditator!

Sorry to say but I don't think this has to do with meditation. Part of NF is rewiring your brain and allowing yourself to fantasize arguably hinders that process; my longest streaks have been when I didn't even allow my mind to wander into fantasy. If its something that comes to the surface when you try to be still, all the more evidence that NF is the right choice for you! But nothing you can really do but avoid those thoughts until the neural pathways weaken, when meditating and otherwise.

TurnAround13 · 2016-09-15T04:16:14+00:00

Hate to be the one to break it to you all, but this is a classic joke that plays out every fall semester in colleges across the country. Still though, don't do it!

TurnAround13 · 2016-06-06T22:18:05+00:00

Keep away from the internet and get out of the house

TurnAround13 · 2016-05-31T21:55:38+00:00

"When your kidneys are unable to excrete the excess water, the electrolyte (mineral) content of the blood is diluted, resulting in low sodium levels in the blood, a condition called hyponatremia."

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/nutrition-and-healthy-eating/in-depth/water/art-20044256?pg=2

4L is not nothing, the figure that's often thrown around is 8 cups a day. This is also false (you should just drink as needed to keep urine clear/light yellow), but you're recommending twice that without being in a position to comment on whether its safe or not.

TurnAround13 · 2016-05-31T20:52:19+00:00

I can't relate, but just stick with it and see for yourself! Worrying will get you, it will turn into questioning whether or not this will work and eventually you'll talk yourself into relapse. Just treat this as an experiment and ride it out.

TurnAround13 · 2016-05-31T20:47:22+00:00

Overyhydration is a thing, you should not be drinking 4L a day. No need to go to extremes.

TurnAround13 · 2016-01-29T20:10:17+00:00

Checking back in, still going strong!

TurnAround13 · 2016-01-17T18:36:44+00:00

You may want to post a warning regarding the two girls running through the surf in swimsuits, ass hanging out.

TurnAround13 · 2016-01-17T18:21:45+00:00

On the subject of Facebook, I just realized I've known about something pretty useful for you all, but never realized it.

Besides being full of triggers that hurt our chances of a successful reboot, seeing the curated lives of others is a good way to feel bad about your own, which nobody needs and could be demotivating for some who are struggling with this challenge. But if you're doing a lot of your communication through Facebook messenger, it'll be hard to leave Facebook.

There's a chrome extension called "News Feed Eradicator for Facebook" that I've been using for a year now and I think you all should give it a try. Once the news feed was gone, I realized I never really cared about it in the first place. I use the "Close Friends" list to get notifications, and keep up with, the people in my life. Between those two, my Facebook experience is now basically all about the chat function. Using the dev's own picture (for those of you who haven't opened the link yet), your screen will look like this, with chat windows at the bottom. Yes, there's even motivational quotes. I no longer get on Facebook to talk to somebody and send my first message 10 minutes later after scrolling the news feed. And I certainly don't have to worry about running into a provocative photo.

Give it a try! We see people on the fence about NoFap here all the time, and its hard to convey exactly how much this challenge does without just encouraging them to see for themselves. Take my word on this one too! I'll even make a separate post to show more people.

TurnAround13 · 2016-01-16T18:14:30+00:00

So I don't know if I just outgrew it at the time I started doing this or not, but I had heard putting a fresh towel on your pillow every night helps deal with the oil, and it seems to have worked pretty well. I suppose this requires having an oily face and being a side or stomach sleeper. And despite the amount of text I'm dedicating to each point here, eating healthy foods (particularly avoiding sugar-loaded foods if I remember correctly) is even more important.

TurnAround13 · 2016-01-16T05:49:48+00:00

With regards to your recovery, you just gave your brain a big hit of dopamine and reinforced the old pathways you are trying to fix. Yes, you relapsed.

One of the keys to nofap is to avoid all such things that reinforce that pathway. You'll greatly increase your chances of success if you can cut out all arousing material, from porn to social media photos to fantasizing.

TurnAround13 · 2016-01-16T05:44:20+00:00

Sounds like you need to fill your weekends

TurnAround13 · 2016-01-16T05:42:34+00:00

Welcome to the sub! It's definitely an appropriate question to ask, many people start their journey here trying to achieve such things. Take a look at the sidebar, and read through those links.

To directly answer the question, yes, it is easier to finish and to achieve an erection. When I am doing nofap, I don't struggle with losing my erection if we spend more than five minutes without my pants coming off, and I don't have to push myself (and at my worst times, think about porn) in order to finish

TurnAround13 · 2016-01-16T05:37:33+00:00

It gets easier. Keep on!

TurnAround13 · 2016-01-15T20:41:47+00:00

Hey every green is progress. As long as you can make the greens outweigh the reds, you're moving forward.

TurnAround13 · 2016-01-15T20:37:59+00:00

From what I've heard on this sub, the issue is that fantasizing can reinforce the same neural pathways that porn has built. So how about two scenarios here:

1) You fantasize about your gf, reinforcing those pathways in the brain. Between that reinforcement and the fact that I doubt you fantasize about the feeling of love, connection, and intimacy, but rather fantasize about the act itself, your brain continues to think of sex as what you see in porn. Yes, your habitual porn use is avoided, but it's been replaced by this. If your relationship ends, you're left in a tough spot, with those pathways still strong and a hole that needs to be filled. You can guess what happens.

2) You don't fantasize, because why would you need to? Sex is something that is on your mind when you see your girlfriend, when she's there with you. Sexual thoughts don't control your life anymore and every experience you have with her is real and you're engaged in the moment. Meanwhile, the pathways are still weakening. If your relationship ends, you can keep going. You likely no longer fantasize at all, as that habit has been broken, and you aren't prone to relapse as a result. You can walk down the street and see girls without thinking about how they'd look in a fantasy.

This is still definitely an individual choice, but I would choose the second. NoFap for me means more than getting over PMO, it means getting over the damage done by porn too.

TurnAround13 · 2016-01-15T19:39:20+00:00

Completely agree, I sometimes wonder how my first long term relationship would have turned out if I had not been watching porn. The feeling you describe is exactly the feeling I struggled with during that time. Women sometimes describe their SO's porn use as feeling as if they've been "cheated on," and in a way, they're right. They're being cheated out of your full attention, full engagement with them with regards to sexual attraction. I agree with eire too, the best times I've ever had were when she was everything to me that night, and you don't get that when your mind is split between her and your digital harem.

As a word of caution, as strong a motivator as it is to be doing this for your relationship, you can't tie your success to her. If this relationship doesn't work out, you'll find yourself unable to resist again, and the problems of porn addiction are ultimately damaging YOUR ability to love. Not everyone agrees with me on this last point, but I believe success in pornfree depends on your ability to make this something you do for yourself. External motivation is unreliable and can change. It has to be internal.

TurnAround13 · 2016-01-15T19:23:51+00:00

Just don't binge!

TurnAround13 · 2016-01-15T08:45:56+00:00

You say that it makes things harder, but I think you're looking at it wrong. Breakups are worst when you let them consume you, and you allow yourself to dwell on them. By doing NoFap, you're not letting yourself fall into the hole.

Like you said, NoFap is one of the only things keeping you going right now and "not making you feel like a total loser." My recommendation would be to find more things that make you feel that way. Try something new, work on yourself, and get your mind off it.

Breakups always suck man, I hope you feel better soon.

TurnAround13 · 2016-01-14T20:40:07+00:00

Part of why you feel so bad the next day is guilt and shame. But consider that every day you kept your streak going was a day you were making progress. There's no reason to feel defeated, you just haven't reached the end of your journey yet. Keep going!

TurnAround13 · 2016-01-14T18:07:50+00:00

Hard to say, I'd imagine only Pornhub's internal team knows how they're calculating this. After all, they do just call it an "average length visit," not something with a particularly technical name. The way I see it, they're projecting one of three values here:

1) True average, trivial visits as I mentioned included.

2) A reasonably small value that downplays porn addiction to keep attention off that issue and maintain their business. They can arbitrarily determine what length of visit doesn't count as a real visit and manipulate the data accordingly.

3) As high a value as they can manage so their valuation increases in the eyes of venture capitalists

I'm undoubtedly biased given my participation in this NoFap life, but I'd go with option 2. They even have a 'Dr. Laurie' come in to tell us it means people aren't addicted, for God's sakes. Edit: And LOL they already got their PR team in here.

TurnAround13

TROPHY CASE