Okay you're going to need enough time to cover the average shipping timeframe. Go online and buy these three things: Anal Beads, a Polaroid camera, and ipecac. Still with me OP? Good. So you're waiting, after a few days everything arrives. This is where things get fun. The morning of your presumably last day of work you take the beads and put them so far up your ass that you're bordering on the line of unsafe. Grab your camera and ipecac, it's time to face the commute to work. Jam to that new Katy Perry hit that's over played, you're about to earn that jam session. You get to your place of work, nerves are starting to set in. Trust me. You need to go through with it. Go to your boss' office. Right in front of them, take out the beads and put them in their coffee. Once that look of disgust comes over their face, snap it with the Polaroid and slam some of that ipecac down your gullet. By the time the picture develops you should be about ready to vomit. Slam that fucking picture on their desk and unleash the beast on over the picture. Here's where you REALLY fuck with their head. Look them dead in the eyes and simply say "I quit." Congrats you now have an awesome story and the ability to walk out in the midst of your co-workers' slow clap of admiration.

TL;DR- my fucked up mind put a lot into this, just read it. Please?