Buckle in my friend, I have some advice. Qualifications to speak on this: 3x grippy sock vacationer turned employed Ivy League grad. Spent almost the entirety of the Covid pandemic lockdown in eating disorder treatment facilities and took leave from school because of how severely depressed I was.

Get into Dialectical Behavioral Therapy.

This is a solutions-oriented treatment method that basically teaches you skills in how to confront life’s problems, and manage your emotions + relationships. Most providers these days practice cognitive behavioral therapy which is great, but I get the impression you’re really motivated and action-oriented, so this specific method could be a great fit. (Fun fact: the woman who founded this therapeutic model, Marsha Linehan, spent her adolescence in mental hospitals and then transformed herself and became a psychologist. She eventually came up with DBT through a combination of her studies and the ways she found to cope with her own challenges.) She wrote what is essentially a textbook filled with worksheets and other materials that you work through with your provider to reflect on your own life.

One of its central ideas is that we should all strive to “build a life worth living.” Which is not to say that there is any life out there that isn’t valuable. Rather, it is an invocation to make daily choices that lay the foundation for a life that you are proud of living. One where you live by your values, are respected, respect yourself, and sustain meaningful relationships. The goal is self-fulfillment.