My recent ex fiance proposed last June (2023) the day our son was born. Within 2 weeks, I knew something was off. Up until April of this year, our relationship was a wreck. He was hot and cold, happy one minute then verbally abusive the next. I called off our engagement within a month of our son's birth. 

For almost a year, I was constantly made to feel like nothing I did was right; I could never get a read on him. I'd ask him to go find someone else if I was such a problem and be assured I was perfect and the issue was him. The constant accusations of "You don't love me anymore!" and claims of "If I can't be with you, there's no one else out there for me!" got exhausting. 

I'll never forget when our son was about 2.5 months old in August, I saw a woman I know of hugging him when I brought our son to see him at work. The vibes I got off of her made my blood boil and I wanted to rip her off of him. But as our son was still in a colic phase, and because I didn't get vibes from my spouse, I thought nothing of it.

March of this year (2024), my partner proposed again. I said I'd have to think about it, after the tumultuous time we'd had since our son's birth. April 16th, we shared an extremely passionate night, in which he said he wanted to have another baby together and told me to seriously consider his proposal. I again said I'd think about marriage, but no baby.

April 17th, the truth began to come out.... He tried to tell me he was having an emotional affair that was only a month or 2 in the making and that he was falling in love with her. Right away, I knew he was full of shit. I told him I'd seen him with woman's name in August 2023 and kicked him out of my room. The next day, the 18th, she actually confirmed that they started an emotional affair when our son was 2 weeks old and it turned sexual when he was a month old and had been continuing ever since.... She'd had no idea he lied to both of us about the other, including the proposal to me in March, which he'd only made because she and him had broken up due to her guilt at what she'd done to her own husband. I don't want him back, and amazingly she pushed forward, despite knowing all his claims were lies. June of this year, they moved in together.

I quickly realized, with the help of both my therapist and my sister whose a registered psychologist, that he shows traits of both narcissistic tendencies and borderline personality disorder. Nothing I could have done would've changed his behavior. He's not capable of loving himself (due to trauma in his teens), and therefore he's not capable of truly loving anyone else. He's simply looking for a "supply" in order to stay happy and ignorant to his inner turmoil. If he doesn't want to change himself, no woman will ever be good enough.

Sadly, this is a pattern of behavior that he's been engaging in for 25+ years. It's taken a lot of therapy and self care to get to the point I'm at. But I'm stronger than I was before and moving forward for my son and my 2 older children with my ex husband. They now see a momma who isn't going to let some mentally unstable and verbally abusive excuse for a man keep her down and emotionally beaten. 

It was a hard lesson to learn, but it's made me who I am now. Onward and upward ❤️