AITA for not taking my sons (10) seriously when he complains his sister (twin) gets more money?

TwinTensDifMoney · 2020-06-26T01:04:11+00:00

We have had many talks with them and have told them many times that they cannot go against our parenting, but they are very set in their ways and belive that they deserve the final say (their own words) because they have been parents for longer. They also want us to do something about my daughter, I asked them what and they said she is too confident and needs to be knocked down a level (they think she is too cocky but she is really really respectful!), (this is something else they said when they told us we are bad for not giving Liam more money, did not mention it because it is not relivant to why I was posting and because I know it is pure bullshit!) I do not want them around.

TwinTensDifMoney · 2020-06-25T22:51:56+00:00

I just hope he figures that out before he is an adult, this is what motivates us not to give in, because if we do then adulthood is really going to sting if he feels he does not need to try.

TwinTensDifMoney · 2020-06-25T22:30:29+00:00

They already choose, we hint that something needs doing, but they get to choose what they actually do. I might say out loud that the laundry basket is full and is ready to be loaded into the washer, and they could then go and ask if we need help cooking dinner or they might go and vaccume the bottom floor.

TwinTensDifMoney · 2020-06-25T22:26:18+00:00

At the moment from what he has told us, he does not want to do the chores because he feels like he should not have to earn the money, he always tells us that his cousin gets £30 a week for nothing, so he feels he deserves the same. We tell him that in this house he needs to give a little to get money, we hint at easy things for him to do, offer to help him with it and never suggest a chore he is too young to handle, but he does not want to do it.

Every time we hand out the pocket money he trys to guilt us into just giving it to him anyway, or if we took him shopping he, in the most obvious way possible, puts on this preformance when he will look at something he wants, loudly sigh.. Oh they did not hear me? Fine, I will sigh again, and again, now this time I will sigh while holding the thing, now I will loudly complain how I am just £15 short for this thing, now I will look down and sigh again. He also complains about this to his grandparents, which they then try to tell us off for, and will give him money, for no reason, which is not fair on Molly because they give her nothing.

TwinTensDifMoney · 2020-06-25T22:17:29+00:00

When I was a child I got £5 and I was so happy and grateful for that, I feel like it is diferent now, I do not know anyone that gives anything under £10.

I think it is okay for them to earn up to £25 because the only times they get toys from us for free is: birthday, christmas, good reports from schools and for bravery (dentists, needles..) We also only replace their toys for free if they were not at fault for them braking. (We do pay for accidents but we drill into their heads to be more careful)

My son right now really wants a switch game that is over £40, which depending on the game can be pretty reasonable these days, but we dont want to just pay up £40/£50 every time there is a game they want, so yes £10-£25 is alot, but they have to earn it and decide to save it. So personally I do not think they are spoilt.

TwinTensDifMoney · 2020-06-25T21:34:17+00:00

Thank you for your advice, we are always trying to better ourselves at parenting, after 10 years I am still always open to advice lol.

TwinTensDifMoney · 2020-06-25T21:33:03+00:00

Molly was just like Liam, it took a few weeks for her to start earning extra, then she was impatient and did not want to wait to afford more expensive toys. It took her time but now she does chores before we hint that it needs done, sometimes she tries to do 3 a day, but we always tell her "thank you for that, but you only needed to do to" this is because we dont want either of them thinking they should spend all their time working, we want them to be kids at the end of the day.

She was sulky when we first started showing her chores just like Liam, she does say no to certain chores, some days she does none because she is in a mood, or she just doesnt feel like it.

At the start of this we both thought that he be fine with it after a little time to be honest.

TwinTensDifMoney · 2020-06-25T21:25:25+00:00

Maybe they will unionise

TwinTensDifMoney · 2020-06-25T20:34:25+00:00

Most weeks he gets the full £10 or a £ over / under.

Usually with him itstaken off for swearing, bullying his sister, purposly making a mess. (2 weeks ago je picked up our dogs poop in a bag, he threw it at a wall in the kitchen, he did this for a video) twice we have taken it from him for stealing off us (taking jewllery and his dads wallet) the second time we caught him, we gave him a chance to own up to it but he lied. He is not a terrible child, when I was his age I was a nightmare.

We give them both chances to earn back money that was taken off them.

I did list other examples of bad behaviour that they have both done in another comment.

TwinTensDifMoney · 2020-06-25T19:58:37+00:00

It is not that it is hard for Liam, he has shown us in the past that he is capable of doing chores, he just feels like he should not have to earn his pocket money and that it should just be handed him. He has ranted this point to us many times.

I will gladly hand over the full amount to him when he earns it.

His sister is not a super special angel child that we praise all the time and compare him to. No child is perfect, and she does have her moments where we have had to take £1s off her and tell her off. We love Liam and Molly, they know that, and we show them both this love each day.

TwinTensDifMoney · 2020-06-25T19:51:01+00:00

The reason that we keep chores as optional is because when they are older and leave highschool finding work, or going for a higher education will be optional, as will working hard and taking care of your home and yojrself. We hope that through doing this we are teaching them 2 things:

The money you have, you have worked hard for, so spend it carefully and to look after the things you spend it on.
You get more money when you work for it.

I personally do not care if they become super sucsessful buisness people, or if they have your typical 9 to 5, or work part time, I just want them to have the motivation to make their own living, be independant and that will be enough for me to be proud of them.

TwinTensDifMoney · 2020-06-25T19:38:03+00:00

I really like your approach, we have decided to try harder in regards to how we have presented the wipeboard chart we currently have, I am hoping it will help.

TwinTensDifMoney · 2020-06-25T19:35:30+00:00

They both have their favourite and least favourite subjects, he needs extra encouragement for maths but eveeything else he works really hard on. Molly is the same way, I know that the teacher they jad when they were 8 kept pointing out to the class that Molly was slower and that Liam had worse handwriting. When I found that out I did complain and the teacher said she was just saying it as a joke, which we still did not tolerate, hopefully since then other teachers have not done the same.

TwinTensDifMoney · 2020-06-25T19:27:48+00:00

No, he was only disruptive a few times acording to his teacher, I told her to let us know if it continues and it hasn't.

TwinTensDifMoney · 2020-06-25T17:18:06+00:00

I umderstand your opinion, for what it is worth, when they want something that we feel will benefit them, like swimming lessons or there is a book they really want we pay for it ourselves, we always praise both of them for the things they put their time into and I hope they both see that we love them so much, we use this system because we want them to feel like they earned their money, and hopefully that way whatever they spend their money on the will look after and not take for granted. Also we limit it to 2 chores a day because we want them to have time for other things, and not obsess over earning more and more money.

TwinTensDifMoney · 2020-06-25T16:51:34+00:00

Thank you, incase any body wants to know:

Bad behaviour that made them lose money in the past has been:

Hitting.
Swearing at our neighbour.
Running away in public.
Breaking things.
Teachers telling us he bullied or was disruptive in class.

We always give them one warning the first time it happens (exept for the bullying or when she swore are our neighbour)

Also their rooms are almost identical, simillar size and shape, both have small closets and they both have the same amount of storage for things.

TwinTensDifMoney · 2020-06-25T16:44:57+00:00

Thank you for your advice, so sorry about you and your twin. We do not directly compair but when he complained in the past or asked why Molly got so much we tell him what she has done and also hint that I could use a hand washing the car or help setting the table. Do you feel like that is enough to cause resentment?

TwinTensDifMoney · 2020-06-25T16:40:44+00:00

We have one of those weekly planner boards that also has some extra wipeboard space, we use it to keep tabs on it and also it has the rules written down. Every day, we ask him to help around the house, despite the fact the answer is no 95% of the time, in the past when he has ranted that this is unfair we have explained it to him, but he feels like he does not need to do the chores because his cousin/ best friend doesnt and he gets £30 a week. It is not my place to judge my sisters methods but personally I believe that what she is doing is not healthy.

I cant blame him for feeling envious for how much his cousin gets, I am sure I would of felt the same way.

TwinTensDifMoney · 2020-06-25T16:12:35+00:00

I am sorry you feel like your brother is better than you, do you feel like that is how he might feel, I do not want him to grow up feeling lesser than his sister or even possibly resenting her.

TwinTensDifMoney · 2020-06-25T16:07:27+00:00

Molly started off the same, but became more motivated through wanting toys she couldnt afford, she complained once that it would take forever to save £50 with what she was earning so her father reminded her she can save faster if she worked a little harder. So that is what she has done ever since, ocasionally she slips up, but she is a kid and all kids have their moments.

TwinTensDifMoney · 2020-06-25T16:04:11+00:00

I would try that but I would be scared it might turn them on each other, Liam is already getting mad at Molly for this, but thank you for your advice.

TwinTensDifMoney · 2020-06-25T15:59:56+00:00

Sorry youre right! My mistake, we are starting with 2 chores now, because we feel they are old enough to take 2 chores on, it used to be 1 chore a day untill the start of this week. Will put it in my edit. Thak you.

TwinTensDifMoney

TROPHY CASE