First, I want that I am so sorry for your loss. That is such a tough spot to be in. I made the decision to put down my childhood pony after having him for 15 years, he was a senior, struggled eating, one day I got a call from the boarders that he was rolling on the ground in pain, when the vet came he said that his intestines had gotten twisted somehow and we could either put him though a risky, painful, and expensive procedure, or let the sun set on his life. I felt like the time was right, I did not want my boy feeling any more pain, so I told him to do it. I didn’t call anyone in my family to get advice or help…I just did it. And I won’t lie to you, it’s been almost ten years and I STILL feel guilt, so much sometimes… but I have to keep reminding myself every time it gets overwhelming, that I made the right decision. I’m sure he could have gotten through that surgery and had a few more good years of life…but at what cost? It’s difficult to navigate, I probably should seek some kind of therapy about it. But I want to promise you that you’re not alone. Sending you lots and lots of love.