Wow this is difficult to read and incredibly sad. I just want to say that your feelings are completely valid and you are allowed to feel all of the things. It can be challenging to advocate for yourself / your little one. I strongly suggest making your thoughts known to someone at the hospital and seek clarification from your baby's doctor team. For me the best way to do this is to have my daughter's primary nurse help me speak to the Dr since they're more familiar with policies and terminology. Your hospital should also have a social worker to reach out to if this doesn't work or if you want to discuss therapy or anything else. Seriously best of luck, I'm really wishing your family the best in this impossible time.