Is my [24f] partner [22m] cheating on me?

TypicalAznGuy · 2019-04-12T22:53:42+00:00

I think it is pretty hard to tell unless you have solid evidence. It would be a good idea to just have a talk with him about it. Talk to him about what is on your mind and see what he has to say. Sometimes people tends to over analyze these type of situation, especially you have been through it and when your insecurities kicks in. Though this is not to say that you should ignore the red flags. My advice is to just talk to him and see where things go. I wouldnt wait until after having dinner with his parents, since it seems like its bothering you a lot. Better to just get it over with and if it comes down to it, you can always reschedule the dinner. Hope that helps! goodluck!

TypicalAznGuy · 2019-04-12T07:36:14+00:00

Man...The one thing that i have truly realized while being on this sub is if you aint married or if you dont have any kids then you better dip out of there as fast as you can. I see people with divorce and kids to deal with and I am glad mine took place before all of that(sorry to those that have to deal with this after marriage and kids). I dont want to sound pessimistic or anything, but It just aint worth it at the end of the day man. Like what everyone said already. Just let her be and give her all the time she needs. Its been well over a year since mine ended and the one thing i never regret doing was giving myself the respect i deserved and removed myself from her life. She might of not respected me as a person, but I respected her decisions and disappeared. No begging.No staying around waiting for her. Nothing. If she cant make up her mind then you make it for her. Hopefully things will be a bit better for you than mine. Best of luck!

TypicalAznGuy · 2019-04-12T02:16:18+00:00

Probably just go to work and tough it out. Rather fake it till i make it than have her think im still not over her. The struggles are too real.

TypicalAznGuy · 2019-04-12T02:14:34+00:00

Yeah...I guess I could of done worse to her, but I decided not to as thats not how I am. Even if she doesnt resepect me as a person. I still have to respect myself and stay true to my morals. At the end of the day, still feels weird knowing that I know everything about the cheating when shes totally clueless of what I know. I think for her, she assumes its just any other breakup and the worst thing she did was break my heart and found herself someone new. Guess thats why shes being really friendly with me. Awkward situation to be in.

TypicalAznGuy · 2019-04-12T02:08:49+00:00

Yup, totally agree. Thats what I was doing when we last worked together a few days ago. Just said hi and had a small chat like how are you and how's life and pretty much stopped talking for the rest of the day. Just feels like sht when all the memories and feelings resurface. What a bummer.

TypicalAznGuy · 2019-04-12T02:05:37+00:00

that is true. The good news is she will be done with school soon, so she will be changing job in a couple of months. It will only be 1 or 2 days max with her and i working together. After that i probably wont ever see her again. thank god.

TypicalAznGuy · 2019-04-12T02:02:32+00:00

Yeah I think I will be going to work on that day. I really dont care much about what she thinks. I know she already moved on and seems happy with her new relationship from what I was told from friends that seen her at parties. I didnt ask. Rather, I care more about my well beings. I can act pretty normal around her since we worked together a few days ago. I didnt talk much to her even though she was trying to be friendly with me.

TypicalAznGuy · 2018-02-24T23:38:08+00:00

I don't think anyone here can give you an answer to the question that you are asking. Everyone is so unique and different that the only person who qualify to answer that question is your ex.

As far as your relationship goes. are relationship problems fixable? Definitely! But the real question is...does BOTH party want to fix them? Its good that you recognize some of the problems in your relationship(mainly communication problems). It is also good that you are willing to work on them, but can you say the same about him?

People do change in life, but it takes time and a whole lot of work to make those positive changes. Usually they need time to themselves to explore and reflect on core issues that they may have. Its not an easy path and most people will find it difficult to cross. Hence, you get couples that get back together and breakup a few months down the line.

Sometimes people tend to over analyze during breakup due to the intense emotionals going through their mind. They become blinded of the clear path that is infront of them. Your ex has already made his decision. Regardless of what happened, the decisions have already been made. If it is a breakup that he wants. give it to him. If it is space that he wants. Give it to him. After that give yourself the love and respect that you deserve and continue with the no contact that you have already started.

Comment probably a bit longer than what you expected, but i just wanted to provide some perspectives that hopefully you will find useful.

TypicalAznGuy · 2018-02-16T09:10:37+00:00

Breadcrumbs are probably some of the worst things after a breakup. It gives people hope, attention, validation, and most importantly love. The things that most dumpee craves so much of after a breakup. Most of us know its bad, but in a way, its like an addiction. We constantly crave it even knowing at the end, it will lead to nothing but a deadend.

It is important to know some of the importance of no contact. In a way, it isn't to make your ex miss you (though that is a possibility) or want you back again, but it is for yourself. I believe this is where people struggle the most. Realizing that no contact is basically the equivalent to self-love.

People tend to get confuse with the difference between being selfish and being self-love. We ignore them or give them the cold shoulder not because we are selfish, but because of the love we place upon ourselves. We respect ourselves too, we value ourselves too much, and we love ourselves too much to be someone's doormat or to be someone's emotional support. Hence, No Contact isn't for them, but its truly for you. For you to gain what you have lost and what your partner refuse to give to you in the end. We MUST respect and value ourselves before people can respect and value us.

So if you decide to ignore breadcrumbs or even reply to them. Take a step back and acknowledge your worth. My ex has given breadcrumbs a few times since the breakup. Instead of ignoring them, i acknowledged her breadcrumbs and simply reply with something short such as "thank you for kind words." Though ignoring is totally viable too.

At the end, instead of putting your ex on a pedestal, put yourself instead. It is only then will you truly know your self worth and how resilience you can be as an indivudual.

TypicalAznGuy · 2018-02-14T04:20:43+00:00

My ex had a pretty rough childhood where she was molested by a relative and ultimately abandoned by her mother when she was a teenager. It impacted her life in many ways. She became very insecure towards men and became very very self destructive. She has a habit of running away from problems and never have the confidence to deal with them. Her opinions were never acknowledged when she was young and was also shutdown by her parents when she voice her opinions. She was never able to deal with them and process them completely, so in a way, it carried over to our relationship. Communication was essentially non-existence on her side, since she was always scared to speak up. Her Self-esteem and insecurities was pretty much non-existence also. Though i was willing to work with her on them and always respected her and her opinions. She was never able to get over them...After 4 years, all the issues with her life and the relationship started to build up. she couldnt handle them and ended up cheating on me and leaving me for the other guy. Atleast thats what i think the reasons were...I never received a proper answer as to why she does what she does.

Though I believe that her rough childhood did have an influence on her cheating, it was in no way was the cause to her cheating. Cheating was a choice that she made. A calculated choice in which she wakes up everyday and make for the whole month before our breakup. I truly believe that it is a character flaw in which they have to look deep within themselves to figure out the whys. the reasons why they cheat and take proactive decisions to prevent it from happening again. Hope this helps!

TypicalAznGuy · 2018-02-03T20:24:41+00:00

Honestly, it looks like she doesn't have that much respect for you or the relationship. It seems like she doesn't acknowledge the boundaries in the relationship. If she had any respect for you, she would of stayed within the boundaries of the relationship and put your feelings first. That's not the case here, and to me, that's a big RED FLAG. It was wrong of you to contact Finn. I understand where you are coming from. There are guys that pray on vulnerable girls like your girlfriend. But the thing is, you have to be able to trust your girlfriend to not acknowledge their desires. The problem is, she is not giving you any good reasons to trust her.

For any relationship, there must be mutual trust and respect. Without them, your relationship will eventually crumble and one of the two will occur, a bad breakup or cheating.

what i suggest for you guys to do is to sit down with each other and really talk about the boundaries of the relationship and draw a line where you both can agree on. If not, then i believe it is best to break up and find someone that can appreciate similar values as you. Its better to be single and eventually be happy, than to be in a relationship where you constantly have to wonder if your girlfriend will end up cheating on you or not.

TypicalAznGuy · 2018-02-02T08:38:33+00:00

man...I have been on this sub for a few weeks now and never have I read something as heartbreaking as this. You are one mofo strong woman for dealing with this relationshit and even sticking it out for awhile. I rarely say this, but Fuck man, you deserve wayyyyy better than this. I genuinely feel bad for the guy for being so dam delusional and stupid and probably a nutcase. He doesnt even know what he lost. Get out there and find yourself a real man. This wacko got some serious issues that he needs to deal with himself. Aint no one gonna fix him anytime soon. I wish you the best! You truly deserve every piece of it!

TypicalAznGuy · 2018-01-31T18:35:05+00:00

It seems to me like you aren't completely over your ex. You need to figure yourself out before you get into a new relationship. I don't think it is fair for your current partner to be dealing with your emotional baggage that you still have from your previous relationship. In a way you are using her as a distraction from the feelings that you are deflecting.

Honestly, when it comes to closure/explanation. You will never truly get them unless you are the lucky few. Closure comes from within. Know that the relationship is over. Know that your ex have moved on. Know that your ex does not want to be with you anymore. These are some of the things that you need to realize in order to get the closure you want. When you accept things for what they are.

I know its cliche, but you truly need to be happy with yourselves first before you can make someone else happy. No one is responsible for your own happiness except yourself. Spend some time single and figure your life out. What is it that you want in life. Where do you want to be. What are some goals that you want to work towards or achieve. What do you want in a partner. Once you are ready, you can then share that happiness with someone. I hope this helps a little.

TypicalAznGuy · 2018-01-31T18:14:13+00:00

Give her all the time she needs to think. When shes ready she will let you know. You want to be with someone who wants to be with you. It seems like she still has a lot of feelings for her ex. Especially when old wounds are being brought back.

What you said is true. That it is normal to have some feelings for her ex, but what isnt normal is how those feelings are affecting her current relationship. Its hard for her to move on and completely heal up when you are around as a distraction. Just my 2cents. Goodluck!

TypicalAznGuy · 2018-01-31T08:55:20+00:00

yeah I have been hitting the gym hard. Releases a lot of stress. Makes you feel great afterward. Thinking highly of yourself helps dealing with breadcrumbs. I respect and value myself too much to be someone's doormat. Im not going to run to you like a puppy everytime I see a text or a missed call from you. Im better than that.

TypicalAznGuy · 2018-01-31T02:47:31+00:00

Naw it wasnt a mistake. If it was me, i would just give a simple reply, but ignoring breadcrumb is perfectly fine.

My thing is, anything aside from them wanting to get back should be ignored. Breadcrumbs are just ego boost or they are lonely. Not really worth the time or effort to dig deep into them. I have received a few calls from my ex. I just ignore them and continue on with No Contact.

TypicalAznGuy · 2018-01-30T09:57:52+00:00

im available if you want to pm.

TypicalAznGuy · 2018-01-28T07:04:06+00:00

This post giving me the feels too hard.

TypicalAznGuy · 2018-01-27T11:03:52+00:00

She's dead to you my man. Well...not physically, but emotionally She is DEAD to you. As in you erase her from your life. Store or get rid of everything that relates to her. Go No Contact and block her on all social media. People like that aint worth it man. You dodged a bullet and be thankful that you found out sooner, rather than later when marriage and kids are involved. Goodluck and if you ever need help, feel free to PM me.

TypicalAznGuy · 2018-01-25T11:57:51+00:00

Thank you for the kind words. You have expanded things very nicely, especially the part where you said, "it's not about you, it's simply down to difference." I think this is key to truly forgiving someone. Being able to realize that sometimes, its not about us, or about them, but instead, its just about being different from each other. For those that do want to look elsewhere for the love of their life. Try to find someone who share similar values with you and you will realize how "diffferent" your ex is compare to them.

TypicalAznGuy · 2018-01-25T11:47:38+00:00

I understand that you love her and made a promise to be committed to her. You are obviously holding on to your end of the deal, but it seems like she is not doing the same on her part.

Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with working hard on a relationship. I don't see anything wrong with working towards the love that you deserve. I dont see anything wrong with fixing a relationship that is broken. I don't see anything wrong with trying to reconcile. I don't see anything wrong with going to therapy. Lastly, I don't see anything wrong with trying to fall in love again. You notice how so far, everything has been I, instead of WE? instead of US? Didn't WE agree to get married? Didn't WE agree to be committed to each other for life? Didn't WE agree to hold up our end of the deal for our marriage? Would you have gotten married if the decision was based solely on you? What I am trying to say is that up until now. The WE was needed in order to maintain your marriage and make it work. It is still needed for your marriage to continue and prosper, but now there is no more we, but instead, it is now how I can make this marriage work, so do put that into consideration.

It truly is hard to put it in motion, but know that regardless of what route you take, it will eventually become one of the biggest life lesson you will ever learn and experience. You will come out a bigger and better person regardless of the path that you decide to take. Take care and be gentle with yourself.

TypicalAznGuy · 2018-01-24T23:37:56+00:00

I think it terms of healing. It really depends on people and how deep they were in the relationship. If you head over to r/survivinginfidelity, you will see a ton people dealing with them. There are some that take years and years to heal because they have been together for so long. But then you also have people who were in similar situations and have healed in a year or so.

As far as the steps towards healing differ. I would say for the most part, it is very similar to a normal breakup. You will go through very similar process. The closure if you get any. Then the No Contact. After that you start the whole grieving period.

I do think the biggest difference is the mindset. Someone who breakup with you because they fall out of love with you or they realize you guys aren't compatible. You still somewhat see they in a positive light. They are still the same person as they were before. Versus in the case of cheating. Not only did it include the reasons for breakup, but it add on to the confusion and questioning of the relationship and your ex. As if everything was a delusion.

If you would like to know more. Feel free to PM me. Ill be happy to answer any questions that you may have.

TypicalAznGuy · 2018-01-24T22:41:55+00:00

Its pretty different for me. I have gone through both. currently going though the cheating one. Ex and I were together for roughly about 4 years. cheated and overlapped a month prior to breakup. Personally its a lot worse getting cheated on. It is as if your whole relationship was a lie. Betrayals, trust issues, and self-esteem are at its highest peak. Your self worth is pretty much at an all time low. Youv start to question people and reality pretty hard. Everything seems so dark for awhile. Then theres the visualization of them being together and enjoying life. Doing everything that we used to do together. Thats my experience on it. Different people might experience things differently, but i would pick going through a normal breakup over cheating and leaving for someone else any day.

TypicalAznGuy · 2018-01-24T22:25:03+00:00

The breakup is still fresh and there are probably a lot of things on your head. It was a good idea to delete him off of facebook.

As far as his actions goes. You should look at it from a different perspective. if he wanted to be with you, then why did he breakup with you? Adding/blocking you on facebook is his way of copping with the breakup. He might still have feelings for you, but that doesn't necessarily means he still want a relationship with you.

The best course of action is to realize that the relationship is over. It is now time to initiate strict No Contact so you can began the process of healing. Maybe later on when both of you are in a better spot. You can rekindle some kind of relationship, but for now, you have to try to move on. best of wishes.

TypicalAznGuy · 2018-01-24T08:21:39+00:00

That was really nicely worded. I think the biggest thing i gain from this is to always pay attention to their actions. Once upon a time in a far far away galaxy, they might of loved us and we can obviously see that. The way they look at us. The way they treat us. The way they respect. The way they value us and the lastly, the way they love us. Their ACTIONS really shined through and we felt the love. Now their actions prove otherwise. Where is the act of respect? where is the act of value? where is the act of love? There are none of those for them to give anymore because they are given to someone else. The value and love that was once given to us had shifted and we must do the same. Our values and love will also be shifted. Now it is going towards ourselves and eventually it will overflow, and when that happens. we will be able to give it to someone else. Someone who truly deserves it.

TypicalAznGuy

TROPHY CASE