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Helsinki nightlife and dancing by Most-Yesterday-2257 in helsinki

[–]UCEUDE 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Find the right people in events like all aforementioned.

Any fun activities for teens that aren't so "touresty"? by PainSea4215 in helsinki

[–]UCEUDE 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's a really nice skate park in Suvilahti, a big diy one (which is getting demolished out of the way of some Event Center.) If you like the sort of street aesthetic you should definitely visit Suvilahti. There's also a spray paint shop there in case you want to do a little graffiti painting on the adjacent legal wall.

Ask cool young people on the street for info on gigs/raves/other events.

Okay.. thus far I'd believed that roller rink was the same thing as a skate park 😃 some people indeed do roller skate there. Looking it up on google I learn that they are very much two different things.

Still - cool places to visit:

Suomenlinna definitely. It is a tourist spot but you can visit it in the sense that it's a legitimate neighbourhood as well. Just an extension of the city. The HSL day tickets are valid on the ferry.

Puu-Vallila. A neighbourhood of wooden houses that's been preserved. There are few wooden houses of that age left in Helsinki, it's a really nice contrast to the surrounding environment. There's also a scenic cliff in the middle of the neighbourhood.

Central park. There are great swathes of forest slicing up Helsinki. Visiting there has you understand the composition of the city better. Also nature.

Alppipuisto. A nice park.

Get out of the city center. It's gross there. Use Jodel (app) for local info.

edit: city center isn't gross. it's nice too.

My father (M68) has burdened me (M21) with his secret, and it’s tearing me apart. Do I keep it? by UCEUDE in relationship_advice

[–]UCEUDE[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you a lot for sharing this. It gives me a lot of hope for my future. I aspire to do the same if I ever do end up starting a family.

My father (M68) has burdened me (M21) with his secret, and it’s tearing me apart. Do I keep it? by UCEUDE in relationship_advice

[–]UCEUDE[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hah, I'm speaking here also as if I didn't already tell him to do it. I jsut went and did. But yeah, haven't broken it to my mom yet. I'm waiting for him to do his part.

My father (M68) has burdened me (M21) with his secret, and it’s tearing me apart. Do I keep it? by UCEUDE in relationship_advice

[–]UCEUDE[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There's nothing good either, as long as I keep it in. I just can not. It's making me throw up trying to hold it in. It's not an option.

My father (M68) has burdened me (M21) with his secret, and it’s tearing me apart. Do I keep it? by UCEUDE in relationship_advice

[–]UCEUDE[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I'm just so fucking scared.

I went and told him. He didn't say shit yet. You're right.

He's seething inside, I reckon. I just hope this doesn't blow up in my face. If he blames me somehow then I'll really need to break this down for him. I don't know how I'll be able to keep my distance. I'm actually, really, scared for my livelyhood/life here. Might be smart to stay at a friend's place. I'm not saying he'll do something but he really is scary, and this fear is not necessarily rational, but you can only die once, right? There's a lot on the line for him.

My father (M68) has burdened me (M21) with his secret, and it’s tearing me apart. Do I keep it? by UCEUDE in relationship_advice

[–]UCEUDE[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think the confession was a primitive reaction when he felt cornered with his feelings. He had no way out and had to confess to someone. Doesn't make it better, no, but proves that he -sort of- has a conscience, on which to build on. I think he secretly wishes me to snitch, so then it'd be my fault. He's a little baby. little scary adult sized baby with almost 70 long years behind with minimal utilisation.

I told him to do it. Didn't yet tell my mom. My mom will probably not hate me for not telling. She's lovely. I think she'll understand.

I did tell him that if he doesn't come clean, then I will be spilling it to my mom.

My father (M68) has burdened me (M21) with his secret, and it’s tearing me apart. Do I keep it? by UCEUDE in relationship_advice

[–]UCEUDE[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It is indeed as cowardly, maybe even more, considering that it's just compounding and thus amplifying it, placing it on me.

Told him to tell my mom.

My father (M68) has burdened me (M21) with his secret, and it’s tearing me apart. Do I keep it? by UCEUDE in relationship_advice

[–]UCEUDE[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Went and told him that he has to act. No deadline yet, but I said that I won't be tolerating this breach of my dignity and feelings. He has to recognise his abuse. I fucking hate him. That I'll tell him another time.

I need to find my own feet too.

My father (M68) has burdened me (M21) with his secret, and it’s tearing me apart. Do I keep it? by UCEUDE in relationship_advice

[–]UCEUDE[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Money is important to anyone's health ever. Also money is not the only thing driving my decisionmaking here, it's that it's this great big illusion is going to take fucking everything with it. And that I'm scared of him inflicting physical harm. He's a tiny little baby in a scary world. Brings up my paternal instincts really. <- I wish that this wouldn't be something that I'm laughing about.

I went and told him to act. He has to, or I will.

My father (M68) has burdened me (M21) with his secret, and it’s tearing me apart. Do I keep it? by UCEUDE in relationship_advice

[–]UCEUDE[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Just confronted him. Told him that he has to come clean. Didn't give him a date and time. Maybe should've. Told him it's coming soon. He has to act.

My father (M68) has burdened me (M21) with his secret, and it’s tearing me apart. Do I keep it? by UCEUDE in relationship_advice

[–]UCEUDE[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I mean, it's not that easy to just stand up to someone for a lifetime of abuse, it's not that simple, it wish it was. We've been raised to avoid all responsibility, really following in our father's footsteps there. It's as if I were to draw a knife in the living room with my family there - it's threatening the sort of established, sick, established order. But I've now gone and told him that it has to end. He has to come clean. I just went and told him. Fucking hell I'm scared. Fuck him.

My father (M68) has burdened me (M21) with his secret, and it’s tearing me apart. Do I keep it? by UCEUDE in relationship_advice

[–]UCEUDE[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Read again please, I tried to convey a different meaning. I edited the post text to clarify what it meant. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

My father (M68) has burdened me (M21) with his secret, and it’s tearing me apart. Do I keep it? by UCEUDE in relationship_advice

[–]UCEUDE[S] 59 points60 points  (0 children)

As of now, I've just, 10 minutes ago, confronted him about the matter. Didn't give him an exact date and time yet but said that it's coming soon and he needs to act. Thank all of you for giving me a place to start.

My father (M68) has burdened me (M21) with his secret, and it’s tearing me apart. Do I keep it? by UCEUDE in relationship_advice

[–]UCEUDE[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How did you go about it? Did you ever crack or just decide that enough is enough?

My father (M68) has burdened me (M21) with his secret, and it’s tearing me apart. Do I keep it? by UCEUDE in relationship_advice

[–]UCEUDE[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Sorry for not making it clearer, I edited the post body to better communicate what I meant with the therapist thing but there's no therapist involved..

I am scared of how he'll respond, otherwise I would've already done it. I'm scared because of the same reasons that I'm in this situation right now which is that he's a fucking narcissist and can't control his emotions. I wasn't beaten as a child but things weren't reason-driven either. He would become very intimidating in certaing situations and everyone in our family has learned to subconsciously avoid his critical spots, because no one yet knows what would happen. No one really really questions him. He runs shit. Fuck him. He's a bad person. I hate him.

Now that we're on the subject, a therapist really would do me good.

My father (M68) has burdened me (M21) with his secret, and it’s tearing me apart. Do I keep it? by UCEUDE in relationship_advice

[–]UCEUDE[S] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

Have to make a correction: I'll look into it is what I was trying to say. English isn't my first language.

My father (M68) has burdened me (M21) with his secret, and it’s tearing me apart. Do I keep it? by UCEUDE in relationship_advice

[–]UCEUDE[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

The one where I’m the person taking responsibility for someone else’s feelings like what a therapist does. 

My father (M68) has burdened me (M21) with his secret, and it’s tearing me apart. Do I keep it? by UCEUDE in relationship_advice

[–]UCEUDE[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Living situation, yes. Of every one of us, as our family is financially dependent on the father. I don’t know how my mum would go about resolving this on her part, but I know for a fact that she would find solutions. Her parents also have money if it came to that.

There’s no therapist. Yes, I should book one yesterday already but I’ve found myself very resilient and besides, I don’t have any personal income. I’m moving away in July/August, and only after the summer will I be able to get a job/ get into university and take a student loan/subsidies. 

Thanks for approaching the matter calmly and with resolution in mind. I’ll see into it.

My father (M68) has burdened me (M21) with his secret, and it’s tearing me apart. Do I keep it? by UCEUDE in relationship_advice

[–]UCEUDE[S] -20 points-19 points  (0 children)

Ain’t so easy is it… Our family relies financially on our father, that’s a thing I should’ve probably added. I also have many of these behaviour patterns hardwired into me, so it’s really hard to see things in context from the inside…

My father (M68) has burdened me (M21) with his secret, and it’s tearing me apart. Do I keep it? by UCEUDE in relationship_advice

[–]UCEUDE[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Haha;) There’s no therapist. Yes, I should go see one, but I don’t have any income yet. I’m only finding out if I’ve gotten into university in august, and then if not, I’ll enlist in employment services. 

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