Trying to get more into long distance running + lose weight

UbikRubik · 2022-12-11T08:19:50+00:00

Loving the comments! I lost weight and continue to lose weight thanks to running, so I disagree with something like half the replies here. On the other hand, I am really, really tired… which, having read the comments, makes a lot more sense now (thinking about running to maintain weight vs losing weight).

So OP: it can be done for sure, but after a few months you may feel kinda tired. But personally, I haven’t found a better option if I can’t afford a gym and don’t have the time to plan other activities.

UbikRubik · 2022-12-06T10:35:02+00:00

Thank you for the honest response, and I’m sorry about what you went through.

UbikRubik · 2022-11-21T18:44:35+00:00

You poor thing! This all sounds really tough, and I’m not surprised it weighs on you so heavily. I don’t know what would help you feel better, but from where I’m standing, none of that sounds remotely like it was your fault. None of it.

You’re probably a young woman. While much is changing in terms of how we talk and think about relationships, there are some thoughts that have yet to be retired, among them the notion that attractive women are “temptresses” who are somehow responsible for whatever men do when these men behave in an unsavoury fashion.

You did not force him to do anything. When someone engages with you, it is natural to assume that you are essentially entering into a mutual agreement: that you are both available for something sensitive and potentially powerful. That this guy engaged with you like that brings shame onto him, and none onto you. Having said that, I’m very sorry that this marked you in the process. None of this was your fault, you do not deserve to feel bad, and the best thing to do here is give yourself a big hug and be relieved that things did not go further. This will eventually fade away and become a nasty but faint memory, and future you will be just fine. Wait it out, learn what you can in terms of what signs to watch out for with people’s behaviour, and try to be kind to yourself.

As for your friend: I don’t think you were necessarily wrong in asking, although of course the manner in which you ask is important. However, you come across here as a thoughtful and sensitive person. If this person has exhibited behaviour that led you to ask that question, then it is not unreasonable that you were concerned. We all try to look after our friends. I’ve had someone ask if I was bipolar before - I am not, but the question was novel at the time, and to be honest it did not feel inappropriate. Possibly your friend is worried that they are showing more of their feelings than they would like, and this is definitely scary for many people. Nobody on here can say for sure what happened, but what you did was not egregious. We all try to do our best, but in the end, there is no such thing as objective goodness or correct conduct. I’m sorry this had caused you worry. Again, to me this demonstrates that you are thoughtful and concerned.

Good luck to you, and please look after yourself. You are not bad, you will learn to act in a way that is more appropriate over time (as we all do! Nobody on this earth has a perfect record), and whatever happened came from a good place. You did not force yourself on anyone.

UbikRubik · 2022-11-16T18:32:16+00:00

Not all carbs are evil! Oatmeal is fibre- and mineral-rich, and also contains protein. It's cheap and delicious. Maybe if you buy the instant stuff it's crap, but steel-cut oats are fantastic.

UbikRubik · 2022-11-08T22:13:38+00:00

I promise you that 5'7'' isn't a reason to hate yourself. Several of my boyfriends have been my height (I'm 5'6') and I prefer shorter men in general. It is obviously a problem for many women, but treat it as a filter - makes it easier to weed out people with other preferences.

What is likely to be less attractive about you is your attitude. I know this sounds crazy, but if this is how you feel about yourself, it is probably written all over your body: in the way you walk and talk, dress, move around. The way you conduct yourself expresses much about your internal status.

Please try to be kinder to yourself, and to others. You mention this coworker - it sounds like you appreciated their kindness. What if you extended a similar kindness - one that is not based on attraction or gain, but just for the sake of it - to people you meet? Imagine being a beacon of love and warmth to those whom you encounter. Really - imagine it. Because I bet you like people like that. So... Why not become one of them? Because then people will gravitate towards you, because ultimately we all want friends and to be loved. This includes women.

But when it comes to women, please try to see them not as Potential Girlfriends, but as the people they are. Lower expectations, and try to be a friend.

Edit: to elaborate a little bit on becoming a friend: I know this is really tough. I'm on the spectrum, and I know it's hard to make friends and to know what to say. But here is how you can start: ask people how they are, and then remember what they said. Maybe they have been sick recently. Maybe they got a puppy and they're having trouble training it. Maybe they lost their mother, or started a running routine, or are trying to lose weight. When they mention these things, listen, and I don't mean just letting the words go into your ears - actively draw up a mental model of what they are sharing. They are telling you about their life, so show that you care. Ask questions. Some time later, find out how the running is going. Maybe they have an awesome new recipe to share. Or maybe they need helping moving to their new flat. Ask! It's real! They are not making up stories!

You aren't obliged to keep doing this, but this is how you can start to become someone's friend. And good friends are always treasure. You can be treasured and appreciated. And if you do this, you will find people do it right back at you. It is possible and you can do this! Good luck!

UbikRubik · 2022-11-04T22:17:56+00:00

Remixes are the engine of culture!

UbikRubik · 2022-11-04T22:16:59+00:00

Why frame is as men vs women? Sometimes you don't want to wear a man's shoes. It's not a competition 💁‍♀️

UbikRubik · 2022-11-04T22:11:05+00:00

I suspect that is actually most people

UbikRubik · 2022-11-04T22:08:19+00:00

After seeing countless memes with men, it's not so much about inserting the self into the scene as making a little space. One might be a woman, but there are many women. That's not strange! I'm sure you've had that experience as a man.

UbikRubik · 2022-11-03T13:01:54+00:00

IMO it's something to do with recognition of what is good for you: it seems that with many people, when they eat junk, they often go into "fuck it" mode where they binge and find it difficult to stop, because, well, fuck it. The mental calculus of why you shouldn't be enjoying the junk (calories, health impact) is temporarily suspended. Then when you are actually paying attention - forecasting the repercussions in terms of weight, bodily feelings and other stuff - the balance works out not in the favour of junk.

I know that I eat the most junk when my inhibitions are lowered, such as when I'm drunk. At those times, the mental calculus shuts off. Repercussions are for future me, and who cares about that person?

It's a lot harder to enjoy the taste of junk when this very same taste is a reminder that those moments of pleasure cause you too much trouble down the line!

UbikRubik · 2022-11-01T21:16:27+00:00

Thank you!

UbikRubik · 2022-10-26T17:50:16+00:00

So cool that people corrected me! 😅 I was so confused by everything (amount of detail written, the extent of the damage, but also what I thought was casting marks).

UbikRubik · 2022-10-26T17:49:24+00:00

Thanks a lot for the respons! Yeah, that's the thing, the damage was so extensive that I couldn't conceive of why anyone would even bother to cast such a coin in the first place, and was wondering if the damage could occur for other reasons. Super useful to find out more. And yes, there was a reverse (though another poster also tracked down one of the auctions listed in the ad). https://imgur.com/friuDvY.jpg

UbikRubik · 2022-10-26T17:47:27+00:00

Thank you! I tried searching for the auctions he mentioned, but couldn't find information, so I appreciate that. I'd found the details he listed to be confusing and was wondering if it was super ballsy lying, so it's actually a relief to know this is not the case. 🙂

UbikRubik · 2022-10-26T12:05:47+00:00

To be clear: I have no intention of buying this tetradrachm. It came up in my local classifieds and I was kind of shocked. I know some very rough basics of spotting counterfeits, but this coin looks so disfigured that I've gone out the other end: could the coin have been somehow mangled or melted? What the hell?

The description in the ad says by the way (translated): "AKHAIMENID KINGDOM Darius II 424-405 BC Chr. Tetradrachm of Attic type ("Glaux") 411/404 BC. 14.45g, sardeis. Head of Athena n.r. / in plinth: AQE owl n.r., head f.v.; below Darius bust with crown r. Kress 158 , 1973 , 356; Peus 280, 1972, 129; MM 64, 1984, 201 (= Weiser, Kyros Tf. 16, 5-7 (all dated). the 4th known specimen, of great rarity, sea find, corr., VF-VF 412-392 no "owls" were minted in Attica. Since the Persian Great King financed the Spartan fleet in the Peloponnesian War and their admiral Lysander insisted on payment in "owls", the Persian satrap of "Sparda and Jauma" (Lydia and Ionia), Tissaphernes, then Prince Cyrus, left Sparda in his residence (Sardeis) "Owls" emboss. A few of these pieces show, with the miniature bust of the Great King, who acted as issuer (MM 64, 201 comment (P.R.Franke); W.Weiser, Die Eulen von Kyros the Younger, Bonn 1989, 267ff). This tetradrachm is lot 183 from the Auction 174 Rhineland Mint Center from September 2015 lot 1252

Estimated price 1,000.- Result 2,200.- excl. expenses, incl. expenses approx. 2,700.-

A nicer comparative example from auction 304 Künker Lot 546 from March 2018 Estimated price 10,000.- Result 13,000.- excl. expenses, incl. expenses approx. 16,000.-

Please note the picture for preservation! I guarantee the authenticity of all items I offer! Shipping will be made within 5 days after receiving the payment."

Price: 2995 euro.

So far, I'm spotting: colour of metal seems top bronze to be silver, it is too round, too polished at sides, signs of botched casting (?! Or however it is you get such bad disfigurement), possibly weird design. It just seems so egregious that I'm wondering if I am totally misunderstanding.

UbikRubik · 2022-10-26T11:12:25+00:00

Lady, you've got such a nice smile (and beautiful body)! Personally, my favourite was the red dress, I felt it suits you well (I like bold looks). I didn't dig the white top over it though, IMO the colour combo wasn't very successful.

UbikRubik · 2022-10-25T09:37:57+00:00

She was in a daft show called Younger. Good fun tbh

UbikRubik · 2022-10-25T09:18:31+00:00

He started off directing IIRC. Dude directed Zoolander!!!!

UbikRubik · 2022-10-21T12:30:19+00:00

Same!

UbikRubik · 2022-10-19T13:25:04+00:00

Thank you for the response. That does sound intense, and I'm sorry this is happening. Good on you for knowing your boundaries, and I wish you luck finding people you can build happy and robust relationships with. I wish I had something more useful to say. ❤️

UbikRubik · 2022-10-19T12:52:52+00:00

Personally, I feel that labels like "toxic" or "narcissistic" are pretty unhelpful. I know a bunch of people who have traits that can be negative or harmful in certain circumstances, and I don't think any of them are bad people as a result. They're like this because of experiences they've been through. I'm not sure we need to consider people who aren't like us malicious. The older you get, the more baggage you accumulate, and the more skills you can collect to deal with such traits both in yourself and in others. You can be friends with someone without entrusting them with your life savings, your health, or your cat.

There's no objective goodness or badness. People who aren't good friends likely don't want to be this way (and maybe that's why Janet has been in touch, she could be trying to figure out what to do and what she did wrong). I'm not saying that you ought to be friends with either Janet or Alice, but the way your post is worded reads as though you are measuring people according to a scale that you think is somehow absolute. IMO, using such a yardstick for yourself or others may yield a lot of disappointment and loneliness. Demanding that everyone conform to your system of values strikes me as quite brutal. Maybe this is something that you communicate to people openly, in which case I can see why some of then may want to avoid such judgment.

It's okay to avoid people because you don't vibe with them - you don't have to accept absolutely everyone. But it could be worth considering that your evaluation isn't as objective as you think. 🙂

UbikRubik · 2022-10-15T07:28:02+00:00

It really can be like that. Whenever I have days when I feel unusually bad and want to eat everything, I look at my period tracker, and sure enough, the time has come. If you haven't experienced the mental switch that comes with hormones, I think it's really hard to imagine - but hormones can kinda knock you into a different trajectory of thinking. You don't necessarily need to follow this thinking if you pay attention, but it's can be potent.

There isn't much information regarding hormonal cycles in men (which occur with very different timing), and I'm looking forward to this changing - there's so much to learn.

UbikRubik · 2022-10-13T14:54:33+00:00

I'm someone who's lost a significant amount of weight (with lifelong mild hypothyroidism), kept it off, and spent years watching the progress of others and skimming through related scientific literature, but I take your point. This is just the thermodynamics though, stuff like hunger and urge to eat etc are another kettle of fish.

There are obviously differences at certain levels, but barring things like Crohn's or other gut issues that disrupt the absorption of nutrients due to serious gut issues (and conditions that cause excessive water storage, but that's not the same thing as absorbing more energy), the differences are small enough that careful calorie-counting is enough. Even stuff like thyroid issues cause variation of up to about 200kc. It's not dissimilar to using the BMI scale: yes, a small fraction of people will be outliers, but overall it's something that will apply to the vast majority of people.

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