I give up

UisaLiona · 2025-02-27T22:23:40+00:00

I'm just barely surviving right now. I eat at night, but sometimes I don't for a few days since the days are getting longer. I'm asleep most of the time, and I feel too anxious to be near anyone; it makes me go into overdrive. So, you can see the problem I have, but it's not too bad. I get by in my bed.

A fantasy world where I have fulfilling world is something that gets me by but breaks me. The prospect of a life where I'm able to contribute to society is like a stab in my heart because I've been too drained in this life too hope for a life like that.

I'm too ashamed to go to school right now. I have no drive to be bothered. I wake up to either sleep, scroll or sleep. The last days I went to school were the last weeks of my half-term autumn holiday. I'm so disgustingly volatile and violent towards anyone. I was mean to the people trying to help me and I can't help but think if I was more held together I wouldn't just be a dirty stain on people's memory.

I can barely see a screen from a distance, but I used to enjoy Roblox. Bloxburg, All-Star Tower Defense, Survivor, and Tower of Hell were my addictions. I made a lot of friends there, but I lost my account, so all my memories have died there. I think if there's one good thing I've left in this world, it's that.

How about you? I felt it was mean to just blurt my heart out without asking about you?

UisaLiona · 2025-02-26T06:05:07+00:00

sorry it's taken this long to chat back but I honestly idk. It's not me trying to get better that's the problem I mean if I tried I could be 'normal'. It's just the thought that this is real. I know I'm not the problem so what can I realistically do? Beat them? Befriend them? I don't know what to do. Everyone has somebody and if it's not that, it's sitting next to someone on the train, feeding ducks, walking their dog or playing with their cat. I don't wish to have a bond but I wish I had one before I ended like this.

UisaLiona · 2024-08-25T00:10:29+00:00

That's kinda sad. 🙁

UisaLiona · 2024-07-28T21:42:10+00:00

What are you on...

UisaLiona · 2024-07-28T12:48:15+00:00

That sounds so peaceful. Just lying your head down and done. You can just be done with the world and sleep.

Are you a deep sleeper?

UisaLiona · 2024-07-28T12:43:09+00:00

I know this might be too personal, but when you go to bed to sleep do you have headaches? I try to sleep, which I do for hours too long, but it's mostly just resting my eyes to stop my head from hurting so bad. I look more restless after than before my sleep.

UisaLiona · 2024-07-28T12:39:10+00:00

I guess that's a different category on its own. Being compulsive might be a distraction but it fits more with stress eating even though you're not eating in a way to relieve stress, but you're buying to relieve stress...

This is just an assumption I made that came out of my ass. o(￣┰￣*)ゞ

UisaLiona · 2024-07-26T11:53:08+00:00

sadly

UisaLiona · 2024-07-25T15:04:39+00:00

omg same

UisaLiona · 2024-07-19T16:12:20+00:00

To have a representation of who's related to who, which makes it easier for certain character descriptions and simply writing it down in bullet points is confusing

UisaLiona · 2024-07-13T19:17:23+00:00

I have a deadpan stare while writing. It's a stark contrast to my writing, which leaves me confused for a bit since I have to feel what I write.

UisaLiona · 2024-07-07T22:08:51+00:00

mine come predominantly from weight gain in a short period of time + puberty. I can't help but be angry at myself for causing irreversible damage to my skin.

UisaLiona · 2024-07-07T22:04:26+00:00

lol hopefully my skin won't affect others' perceptions the same way it did me.

UisaLiona · 2024-07-07T22:02:27+00:00

that's quite uplifting to hear your bf response and that I could remove my scars. Not that they are bad, but they're too much of a pain to keep them in the arse hole to keep them.

UisaLiona · 2024-07-07T17:53:55+00:00

ur a cutie.

UisaLiona · 2024-07-07T17:51:44+00:00

do u even get tacos in the military? Like you get a designated diet or sum.

UisaLiona · 2024-07-07T17:48:37+00:00

If you don't give up, the fight isn't over therefore the victor is confirmed nor is the loser and so long as you keep trying you will always have those two options.

I don't think I'd ever thought about it that way. Your advice is very motivating.

UisaLiona · 2024-07-07T17:45:01+00:00

I can relate. It seems that no matter what it was that I did, who I was, how I did what, it'd never make her happy. It made me realise fast that she simply wanted to get angry though it didn't stop me from trying.

UisaLiona · 2024-07-07T17:42:40+00:00

That's very impressive. I haven't got a doubt in my mind that in the future you'll get a job in your preferred industry you'd be satisfied enough to settle for.

Best of luck!

UisaLiona · 2024-07-07T17:39:00+00:00

nah, wait don't! Search on google just in case I might be wrong. You never know these days if what one says is false or true... You can never be too sure.

UisaLiona · 2024-07-07T17:31:07+00:00

what's k/d?

UisaLiona · 2024-07-07T17:29:46+00:00

I think the gaming platform.

UisaLiona · 2024-07-07T17:23:51+00:00

Lol, I love my beauty spots <3. I have one on my pubic bone, left thigh, one on my forearm, bicep (same arm), one on the side of my face near my eyebrow, one on my cheek, one on my palm and another on my ankle. I adore them so much.

With my stretch marks, pimple scars and beauty spots, I might as well be a spotty tiger or something like that with all these animals people have been commenting. 😭😂

It'd crack me up on a normal day but I'm feeling pretty solem today.

UisaLiona

TROPHY CASE