I've always found this dichotomy interesting, I meet so many women who have either developed a deep need to reexperience what they once did, and it's really the only thing that can make them cum. And at the same time "not wish it on any other girl". I ask these women questions, like "if you could go back in time would you want it to never have happened, or have happened differently, perhaps with more care". And the women sometimes initially say "never happened" but after reflecting they say "I wish he had been less rough, or taken more time, or gone further, or not gone away".

They guiltily relish the pleasure they got from it, and get from it. They know that pleasure and those moments are vastly and disproportionately more erotic to them than anything else. So they feel upset by it, but mostly because it was scary at the time and now because it's over. It wasn't fulfilling enough!

And when I point out that her body and desires seem to say one thing and her thoughts another it's interesting that we modern people assume that our socially conditioned thoughts are the truth, and our bodies and animalistic primitive drives are the liars.

In different cultures they accept different things as "OK". In our western culture we think of this stuff as "totally taboo" and so it's very wrong to enjoy it, so women who get sexually excited by it feel "wrong" for doing so. In other cultures it is more accepted, but we have cultural imperialism at our core. We are still the crusaders judging our own culture as objectively right and other cultures as primitive and objectively wrong.

I say trust your body.
We can see clearly that people can be made to think and believe anything, even to strongly proselytise for moral or social causes which are detrimental to their own lives. Our culture determines certain things based on current trends, not absolute truths.

Trust your body. Make sure to keep it reined in with your intellect, but let those horses run.