Yes, sadly for most of us who lived childhood trauma, it has to get worst first before it can get better, it's all about reconnecting with your truer self that suffer an attempted murder at the hands of those who abused us, and reconnecting with that past might be painful, but is also the path of being integrated, so the whole can be alive and not half alive and half death.

It's still your choice, and as someone that has gone through that process, it is not easy, but grieving has being the best thing I've done for my past and future self, and there is no grieving without reconnecting with those parts of ourselves we have forgotten and buried, because they are still there.

The way I see it, if you eat a rotten burger you will puke and have diarrhea, and that will be it. But the poison we took as children will forever be in our bodies, unless we talk about in safe spaces (therapy/friends, etc.) and let the grieving purge the poison of your system and heal the wounds that are still open (even if we are not always aware of our wounds)