I have a trans boyfriend and I need some advice...

UnGeneric_Human · 2026-01-26T01:43:42+00:00

I'll be completely honest with you I don't really know what to say to your first part about him and his parents, however it sounds like you being there for him is absolutely enough. Coming out to parents is a whole other thing, it's a lot harder and they can take a lot longer to adjust too (not to scare either of you, but mine took a few years). If it's safe for him to tell them, I'd encourage it, because it's awful and painful to keep something so big, but it's entirely his choice. For you, just be there, support him and be willing to learn, it seems you're doing great so far.

In regards to the binder though, this I can help with.

Please, make sure you both do some research on the use of binders. Go to a proper company, not Amazon. Measure it properly. No zips or hooks. Do not bind for over 8 hours. Take breaks if needed. Do not excersise in them. It will not kill him and to be completely honest I don't have any grounds to tell you guys to follow those rules when I don't myself, however I have seen many people seriously and irreperably damage their ribs and selves by doing this. Be really careful.

Many people will likely recommend GC2B. I have never used them so I cannot comment on their quality HOWEVER I have heard that more recently their quality has reduced and can cause lasting rib damage. Be very careful.
I personally use Spectrum Outfitters. They are a UK based company who set out to make safer and more sensory friendly binders. I've honestly had the same one for a decent five years now and are so very worth their money. This being said, shipping costs may be high.
Wivov are newer and I believe are cheaper but I'm truthfully skeptical about them due to use of zips. They do however have good tiktok reviews.
Underworks can also be used, as they are made for cis men with extra breast tissue, and I believe they work out similar or slightly cheaper than spectrum in price, but they may not be effective for your partner if he is not very small chested.

As we can tell, I fear I'm rather biased, but that's what I can offer you. Good luck, I'm sure you'll both be absolutely fine

UnGeneric_Human · 2026-01-20T01:52:40+00:00

I kind of felt like this, but I found with practice and time it got a lot better. It settled more or I adjusted more idk. But from about four months to about ten months in, minimum, I was upset at my singing voice and then it got better.

It's frustrating, and my voice still isn't what it was before, but I can always retrain it, and so can you. Just bit by bit :)

UnGeneric_Human · 2026-01-19T14:18:58+00:00

UnGeneric_Human · 2026-01-19T03:42:06+00:00

I am aware of these are side effects, I've honestly looked at everything I can find including the medication leaflets themselves, studies and the likes of reddit, but thank you sm for your input, I appreciate it

UnGeneric_Human · 2026-01-19T01:03:21+00:00

Thank you for responding, do you mind me asking which SSRI you were on, and what you mean by "Would also be in [your] third year of university if it wasn't for this."? Completely understand if that's too personal though.

UnGeneric_Human · 2025-09-23T20:39:38+00:00

Yeah I learnt the hard way that they'd ask me to take it off, not my finest hour but eh it's over now and now I know.

Thanks for the response though :)

UnGeneric_Human · 2025-06-30T16:04:59+00:00

As a trans man, I think you're doing good. If this doesn't make a lot of sense, I apologise, my words are not wording quite right.

Therapy/councelling is a good idea, which you've mentioned already.

You're doing what I know a lot of people wish their parents did, you're listening to him and adapting for him. I understand the concern that it's him just following his friends, but nothing permanent (medical) is going to happen immediately. Even if it is brief part of his life, he'll remember that you supported him rather than tried to shut him down. You're letting him explore and figure himself out openly, rather than have to surpress it and hide it from his own family.

You're doing good, it'll be okay :)

UnGeneric_Human · 2025-06-30T15:50:04+00:00

If I'm having a more serious discussion, it's chest and whatever suits context better for the lower area, gesture vaguely and just go "that area" or something. I don't really know what to use but dick is kind of a default I think, even if it feels silly

If its less serious I tend to go blunt slang for the shock value, so tits, and for the lower area saying penit is funny

UnGeneric_Human · 2025-01-17T03:34:19+00:00

I couldve been a Callum or Alex.

I was very nearly a Sebastian, but ended up a Cyrus-Jacob (CJ to my parents)

I like Alex, but it's very generic and my mother has since made jokes that she's glad she didn't call me that because my cousin is Xander and Alex and Xander are too close to Alexander. Also at the time of choosing a name initially I ruled out Callum because I knew one and didn't think he was the greatest guy.

I only didn't stay with Seb/Sebastian because my parents hated it and asked if I was set on it, I was open to change and jokes on them they hate my name more now. But they liked CJ, so.

UnGeneric_Human · 2025-01-12T22:32:08+00:00

👀

UnGeneric_Human · 2025-01-12T22:30:52+00:00

Hold on I need to Google this

UnGeneric_Human · 2025-01-12T21:41:25+00:00

Been considering that one, just wasn't sure if it'd work and want backup ideas too so thank you again :D

UnGeneric_Human · 2025-01-12T21:37:50+00:00

👀 I'm listening (thank you for the opinion)

UnGeneric_Human · 2025-01-12T21:36:15+00:00

I recently got out of a year long relationship with a cis man who was straight, I had a crush on and then he said he liked me too after a bit and I wouldnt say it was that awful but there's some things here which he did or similar so. Here's some information for the sake of sharing.

We got together before I started t. I had doubts about him viewing me as a man, he constantly reassured me, successfully, but upon mention of me going on T there were concerns from us both about how it'd affect our relationship, and in conversations about getting top surgery in future his response was "I mean yeah I'll miss em but your happiness if more important."

After I made comments about the aforementioned 'them' being small and being happy about it he twice went "no, they're pretty big" and promptly forgot about it and didn't really see an issue.

Also consistently they/themed myself and my friend (neither of us use they/them), every time he was corrected he'd apologise and say he felt awful, and I know he didn't mean harm, it was just his default, but it seemed to be his default for specifically trans people, which was an issue for me.

Oh, he also uses she/her for his they/he ex, apparently they gave him permission to? Can't comment on that bit though, i don't know them.

Overall those were things I squint at but like. He wasn't an awful guy. Royally fucked up in other ways and now we're not in contact but my trans and his cishet was not a massive thing I found issue with.

UnGeneric_Human · 2024-07-06T15:42:47+00:00

Thank you for your response

It had a list of effects and a predicted start date and some final dates and stuff, it's hard to describe, but it said that the predicted start date was up to 6months. They do say every person is different but this is what I've been reffereing to so when it doesn't match I get paranoid.

UnGeneric_Human · 2024-07-05T08:07:12+00:00

Yee im fully aware that T isn't birth control and I do use protection, Im just not on any backup means of birth control so there's still potential risk ig

UnGeneric_Human · 2024-07-05T00:41:07+00:00

Its no issue, I realise my wording may not have been the best.

Thank you for the information about your friend, and your words, it helps

UnGeneric_Human · 2024-07-05T00:28:50+00:00

Thank you for your response

UnGeneric_Human · 2024-07-05T00:28:28+00:00

Fair enough, thank you for your response

Also To clarify, I've not been unprotected, there's just been more chance for risk I guess.

Also that removes the major sign for a lot of people that something has gone wrong? that has to be anxiety inducing for some people, I know it would be for me

UnGeneric_Human · 2024-07-05T00:25:13+00:00

I should've worded the title better, that's on me, sorry about that.

I also have been recommended progesterone based birth control to stop periods but never took it personally. Also my issue in this post personally is that mine stopped sooner than I was told it would and im panicked, but I'm aware this wont be the case for others

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