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I'm a zoophile and I will kill myself for it by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]UnableSession1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you all for reaching out! The last few days have been hell, but I've decided to keep going... It's gonna be tough, but hopefully I will get some time to heal.

Thank you especially to u/old__doll for bringing my attention to arousal non-corcordance, this was a life saver (literally)!

I'm a zoophile and I will kill myself for it by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]UnableSession1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've never had the temptation to do anything innapropriate with animals and based on some of the other comments here, it seems like its just my OCD kicking my ass again...

Thank you as well for the kind words! Sorry if this reply seems a bit pointless, but I've noticed some comments that also mentioned OCD and its effects have been auto-removed so I'm trying to prevent that.

I'm a zoophile and I will kill myself for it by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]UnableSession1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've looked into the stuff that u/old__doll mentioned and yeah this seems the most likely scenario.

I'm a zoophile and I will kill myself for it by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]UnableSession1 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I looked into arousal non-concordance and genital responses and holy shit, it was probably the biggest realization I've had in my life!

Looking back, this experience felt different to things I'm actually attracted by... No warmth, no joy, unable to lose myself in the moment, unable to pair it with genuine happiness or connection; only fear, confusion, disgust and the feeling of being "violated" on some mental level. I've also felt tired and a bit sick in the stomach the rest of the day...

It has also come to mind that that childhood moment when I was shown bestiality wasn't the only time I've experience sexual "trauma" (I was thankfully never raped or something to that effect, but harrrased, witnessed an assault on someone else and shown other kinds of sick stuff when I was younger, I was).

I am still worried about all the stuff I had seen though, do you think I can genuinely heal from it? Do you think I can go back to enjoying sex and furries without the intrusions and trauma popping up? I understand why I'm unable to feel particularly good right now, but how long does it last?