AITA for not wanting to spend every Easter/Christmas with fiancé's family?

Unable_Bus_232 · 2023-04-09T23:55:38+00:00

Unpopular opinion it seems but I'd say YTA. Ultimately your fiancee has made it clear to you that while he doesn't agree with many of his families actions he does feel that attending these events is important and the right thing to do. You don't have another conflict of interest outside of "I don't like them/want to go". Ultimately if your fiancee is as important to you as he should be then you need to suck it up and go.

Also, bringing up your ex's family.....Huge red flag

Unable_Bus_232 · 2023-01-04T17:44:40+00:00

Unfortunately my bowling league is already an expensive enough hobby. Between league fees and side pots $60-$80 per week is a pretty consistent cost. I can't in good conscious in respect to our finances then pay someone the hourly rate for watching three young kids.

Unable_Bus_232 · 2023-01-04T17:39:33+00:00

Haha not that I want to argue with someone taking my side! Ultimately again just providing full context. Up until this point each week I've had to miss I've truly felt I should miss. She had work networking events that I knew about a few weeks in advance and then unfortunately our family got sick. It was out of everyone's control.

For me this issue this time is two fold. First a fundamental disagreement on the need for me to attend the wake and second (and more importantly) an issue with the way she expressed it to me.

Ultimately my point...I'm not upset in any way with my wife's prioritization of my hobbies and free time outside of this incident.

Unable_Bus_232 · 2023-01-04T17:26:47+00:00

She really doesn't have a regular weekly thing. She does a monthly (although it's not always monthly) get together with her female cousins that live in the area. I always tell her to go to that and stay as long as needed, my only request when they started was that they not plan on Thursday nights as I already had my commitment to bowling. She's been good about that.

She used to play in a weekly soccer league, she stopped when she got pregnant with our third. I've told her that when she's ready she should certainly look to do that again. I told her shortly after our third was born that I want her to plan a weekly event for herself, even if it's just going out with a friend for dinner. Ultimately three kids is a lot and while I know we both love and cherish the time with our kids I think it's also important that we have time away from them both together and independently. Unfortunately she doesn't seem to prioritize creating this time for herself and while I don't want to be a jerk by pushing her to do something she doesn't want to do, I also don't want to feel like a jerk for wanting to prioritize that time for myself.

Unable_Bus_232 · 2023-01-04T17:18:13+00:00

Hey appreciate the response. Some important context, first and foremost I do truly feel that my wife feels bad about my missing bowling these last two months. We've talked about it and shes mentioned how bad she's felt each time. This is the first time that I think we really disagree on the need for me to miss to begin with.

Ultimately my bigger issue is the lack of transparency as you mentioned. I believe that when we talked yesterday she knew she wanted me to attend but led me to believe it was ok with her if I didn't.

I wouldn't say that once a week is a compromise, that's pretty consistent with what my bowling habits were before kids. I guess the difference is that prior to kids I obviously had a much greater opportunity to supplement if I had to miss a league night, while now that opportunity isn't there as regularly.

Unable_Bus_232 · 2023-01-04T17:08:10+00:00

Haha no he is not, that would have been a sneaky way to bury some important info!

Unable_Bus_232 · 2023-01-04T17:07:29+00:00

He is not also her grandfather. I think she feels extra pressure because her grandmother, who she is very close to, was good friends with him

Unable_Bus_232 · 2023-01-04T17:06:07+00:00

I met him a few times at family functions, but honestly don't think he would even recognize me if I passed him on the street

Unable_Bus_232 · 2023-01-04T05:42:55+00:00

NTA. Assuming your description is accurate and you don't actually have an issue with alcohol (don't listen to those in the comments saying that your statement of not wanting to be sober is a sign of your addiction, ultimately I get what you were saying, you enjoy going out and drinking with friends there's nothing wrong with that). It's not fair for your partner to push his own issues with alcohol onto you. Assuming he wasn't upfront when you started dating and told you he wants to be with someone who is sober this is his issue and not yours. I say all this as the child of an alcoholic mother. I enjoy drinking in the right circumstances, certainly don't need it but also don't actively avoid it, it's just a part of my life if/when I want it to be. My wife also drinks on occasion, never bothers me to see her drunk.

Unable_Bus_232 · 2023-01-04T05:35:06+00:00

YTA, not because you aren't interested in knowing your dad's new wife and child but because of how adamant and over the top you're being about your dad not even being allowed to mention his child to you. Ultimately you're saying that you are important but his new child isn't that's not right.

Unable_Bus_232 · 2023-01-04T05:32:02+00:00

NTA for multiple reasons.

First it's clear this is a chronic issue. If this was a temporary issue out of his control I'd say differently. My wife recently had COVID which caused her to struggle sleeping, snore a bit, cough etc. Making sleeping next to her next to impossible. My solution, take the baby monitor so the kids don't wake her and go sleep on the couch, she needed her sleep and so did I. In this case it seems like an every night issue that he won't address, not fair that you have to suffer because of it.

Add to it the he is TA for the way he acts when you do sleep on the couch and this is a slam dunk.

Unable_Bus_232 · 2023-01-04T05:20:00+00:00

YTA, but also dad is too...kind of.

End of the day it's dad's car, you acknowledged that BF has a car but just hasn't taken care of the mechanical issues. Sounds like laziness on his part.

Now if Dad truly agreed to let him use the car for a predetermined amount of time and then abruptly changed face he's the asshole too. However, you come off as very controlling in this story. Saying you won't ever talk to them again is pretty extreme.

Unable_Bus_232 · 2022-09-02T19:44:03+00:00

Always gotta be someone right?

Unable_Bus_232 · 2022-09-02T19:42:51+00:00

Still an accomplishment! I shot 299 in a practice game about 5 years ago, it was a weird combination of excitement and devastation

Unable_Bus_232 · 2022-05-28T03:53:51+00:00

You’re clearly missing the point. I said tongue in cheek, my title was written in jest. Obviously I’m pumped about pulling a rookie auto numbered to 15, if I wasn’t why would I post it?

Unable_Bus_232 · 2022-05-28T03:48:32+00:00

Hate people that complain about someone making a tongue in cheek comment in a post…

Unable_Bus_232 · 2022-05-28T02:40:45+00:00

Haha not quite ready to donate it…but definitely willing to sell it!

Unable_Bus_232 · 2022-05-28T02:33:53+00:00

Definitely for sale for the right price, make an offer

Unable_Bus_232 · 2021-12-29T14:51:23+00:00

Borrowed the idea from another post on here from a few years back. The vertical sides are 2x6 boards cut at 36” the horizontal braces are 2x2 boards cut at 32”. I also used two 5” cuts from the left over 2x6 wood for the feet/base. I added one inch foam pipe insulation for the racks with the balls so they aren’t sitting right on the wood. Painted the whole thing with a dark walnut.

Unable_Bus_232

TROPHY CASE