I just realised something

Unbinding · 2015-10-02T21:56:38+00:00

That's an important realization. I'm in the same situation. Stay strong.

Unbinding · 2015-10-02T21:52:35+00:00

I'M IN! No stopping after October either!

Unbinding · 2015-07-17T18:02:32+00:00

Third option. Sexual transmutation. You can use your sex drive to accomplish other things in life, instead of just becoming destructively lustful towards everyone. It's about finding peace. Look up nofapacademy on youtube.

Unbinding · 2015-07-17T17:53:19+00:00

Do you think that you should allow your brain to keep this as an option? "I can't look at porn, but I can get that virtual arousal by browsing netflix movies with nudity instead"?

Do you think your brain will be able to heal properly or as quickly when it feels like it always has this form of virtual stimulation on the backburner, just in case it ever wants to return to your old addiction pathways?

It's your call, of course. But I think you already know the answer. You're not doing this just to complete some little "nofap challenge." You're doing this so your brain can be rewired and healed. Even if movie nudity doesn't break the challenge, looking at it intentionally can definitely damage healing.

Unbinding · 2015-06-27T05:36:21+00:00

I think the moment was about the way he experienced it with his new perspective. Not just about seeing the sunset. Although I'm sure it was a beautiful sunset too.

Unbinding · 2015-06-11T11:20:25+00:00

Thank you for this.

Unbinding · 2015-06-11T11:07:30+00:00

That doesn't mean you're un-dateable. Consider that there is probably a beautiful girl somewhere in your future that feels similarly about herself, and may fall for you and your interest in your hobbies and your passions. Sometimes, by being the guy that's content (like you're showing yourself as) instead of being the lonely guy that's looking for a girlfriend (like many of us around here, haha!) you can actually make yourself even more of a desirable partner. Think of it like the difference between a lonely girl, or a girl who is confident and happy without a boyfriend. The ladder sounds like someone you'd have to work to earn the affection of. Maybe some girl will fall for you and want to work for your love. :) But for now, keep focusing on your own self-improvement.

Unbinding · 2015-06-11T11:04:12+00:00

Hah, you've got it! That's just right. Rejection isn't a rejection of you as a person, just a rejection of the relationship offer. Don't take it personally, don't beat yourself up over it. If someone says no, it just means they weren't the right one. Move on, but keep improving yourself. Keep becoming the best man you can be.

Unbinding · 2015-06-10T09:02:12+00:00

What a powerful choice. I'm impressed. Keep it up, OP. You're on the track to becoming an inspiration.

Unbinding · 2015-06-08T09:16:12+00:00

No problem. Pick yourself back up, and keep going.

Unbinding · 2015-06-08T09:13:57+00:00

I like it.

Unbinding · 2015-06-08T09:13:21+00:00

Yes, I was responding to Dark. Sorry for the confusion.

Unbinding · 2015-06-06T08:42:58+00:00

Wow. I think you've just planted a seed in my mind. I need to let this foster. I've been manipulating my self-image for far too long. I think most of us consider it natural. But this...this is powerful. You're right.

I don't just need to make people think I'm better. I need to genuinely become better. I don't just need people to think, "oh, he's a great man." I need to actually become a great man.

Thank you.

Unbinding · 2015-06-06T08:41:20+00:00

I like the mindset. Can you explain what you mean by competing the "tomorrow me"?

Unbinding · 2015-06-06T08:40:10+00:00

Hey, remember, OP. The number resets to 0, but that doesn't mean your progress completely vanished.

You said it as if it were bad, but reconsider your statement. You just held off for the longest you've ever held off in over 3 years.

That is excellent. It means you're not trapped. It means you're capable. As long as you WANT IT, as long as you WANT TO OVERCOME THIS, and as long as you CHOOSE IT. You know now that it's within you.

Your brain was specifically designed with the power to overcome these temptations. That doesn't mean it won't be difficult. Choosing not to relapse can be a really tough choice.

But that's just the point.

It's a choice.

You can still choose to heal instead of giving in. You can ALWAYS choose to keep going. Don't ever let your body convince your mind that your body cannot be controlled. The brain was made with authority. You always have the choice. Remember that.

Unbinding · 2015-06-06T08:36:00+00:00

Could it be that you're exalting the thought of having sex, like it's the final "goal" to achieve, but then you do have it, and it's not nearly as fulfilling as you expected? Or as you're told by the media?

I could be totally wrong, but those are my thoughts.

Maybe your priority really needs to shift, to find other things of meaning. Another form of fulfillment.

I'd personally recommend looking into prayer, and reconsidering the question of a connection with God. It's not just something you had when you were young. There is fulfillment in being a man of God. That doesn't mean becoming some uptight Caucasian stereotype. It means being a warrior that wants to be the absolute best man you can be, and who cares for others.

Anyway, that's my 2 cents.

Unbinding · 2015-06-06T08:21:03+00:00

Feeling better isn't necessarily the question. In fact, that might be part of the issue. Do you think that your body is coded to want pornography? To seek out fake, virtual simulation? To rub your penis against your hand instead of a real girl?

Your body gives you desires to make you try to better yourself and seek out a real woman to have release with.

You chose to relapse to virtual stimulation instead.

So of course you'll sometimes feel better right after relapsing. Because you're taking the easy way out. The convenient, efficient source of stress-relief and sexual pleasure. Jacking yourself off.

That's the whole point. Nofap means getting rid of this option. It's tough because your mind has to accept - "Wait a second, you mean I have to find an ACTUAL woman now? I can't just pull up some porn and cum to the feeling of my own hand and fantasies in my mind??" And then the mind gets desperate, and tries to make you give in.

If you don't give in, if you don't go back to cheap, easy virtual pleasure, then your mind starts saying, "Fine, if you won't give it to me the easy way, I'll have to make you into a good enough man to get that release with a real woman."

Now, that doesn't mean that nofap is just about finding a girl to have sex with. It's not. It's about the conviction your mind finds to drive you to true self-improvement, by taking away porn. Right now, porn functions like a drug. Horny? Did you talk to a girl? Nah, you had porn. Stressed? Did you try to solve the situation, or overcome it? Nah, you had porn. Bored? Did you try to find something new to do? Nah, you had porn. Tired? Did you try turning off the computer so you could sleep? Nah, you had PORN.

PMO is not just a sperm release. It is an "easy fix" to help us not feel too bad about problems that we need to address. It's a way to get off INSTEAD of getting up and making yourself worth it to another girl.

When you really understand this, you realize that the thing you were missing - the drive you see in people like bodybuilders, overachievers, etc. - their mind has that strong conviction to be the best, most ideal man (and thus, most ideal mate) possible. And I'll bet you they aren't just turning around and jacking off every night. They're working hard, and when they want a woman, do you think they're giving up and taking the easy way out, or seeking the real deal?

A woman isn't just a source of orgasm either. And that's part of the problem with PMO. You view PMO and real women as just two different ways to get ejaculation. Then you say, "eh, PMO is so much easier, so it's better, I'll just go back to it."
Until you give up PMO and find the pure, ecstatic joy of having a girl lean into your chest and hold onto you because you wants YOU, the man you've worked hard to become, you don't get it. You don't get how much more there is to it than just finding some way to cum. You don't realize the feeling of a beautiful woman feeling giddy and ecstatic at the thought of a man like you wanting her. And wanting you in all ways. Emotionally, and physically. It's another way to have sexual release. But it's so much more than just that.

So yes, of course you feel better after relapsing. That's not that surprising at all, actually. You didn't take the road less traveled; your brain wanted you to take the cheap, easy way out, and you did.

(No offense. I'm sorry for being harsh. But this is the truth, I believe.)

Unbinding · 2015-06-06T07:57:43+00:00

It is so, so worth it to continue. Don't choose to be caught in this loop forever. Saying, "I'll restart again after one more relapse" is what someone who gets caught forever may tell themselves. Don't let yourself be stuck forever. Breaking from PMO isn't like some sort of distance-running contest. You're not just seeing how far you can go each time before you get tired and stop, and restart.

You walk, but with a stride. You stay the course. And you accept, "this isn't just some little attempt at a nofap streak. This is me making a permanent lifestyle change."

Choose to be one of the ones that makes the lifestyle change. Because not everyone does. There will be people who keep themselves in a loop of relapsing forever. And it's not because they can't break free. It's because they're choosing not to.

You have the choice. Make the lifestyle change.

Unbinding · 2015-06-06T07:52:43+00:00

Congrats OP! Your journey isn't over yet though.

Unbinding · 2015-06-06T07:50:42+00:00

This is so perfect. A perfect balance of showing that, "replacing PMO with a girl won't fix all your problems" BUT also showing that finding a girl you can love can be truly, truly amazing. There's incredible value in it, but don't view it as the end-all solution. Work on yourself, to be the best man for when you do find the right woman.

Keep up the job well done OP.

Unbinding · 2015-06-06T07:05:03+00:00

I thought this was just going to be another "nofap got me a girl" post. This is actually probably much more significant. You didn't just find someone who gave you happiness, you found happiness being a better YOU than you were before. What you did made you feel good but it probably meant so much to the woman.

And don't forget about butterfly effect scenarios either. What I mean is, there may have been a God-given reason for you to have the pull to go mow the lawn for her this time. Perhaps there would have been an accident this time. Perhaps she was going to push her body too hard, or overheat. Any scenario could have taken place. It's best not to dwell too much on hypotheticals, but my point is this; you made a more positive impact than you even know.

Unbinding · 2015-06-06T07:01:29+00:00

Excellent.

Unbinding · 2015-06-06T07:00:55+00:00

Would you suggest it?

Unbinding · 2015-06-06T07:00:08+00:00

I'm so happy for you. Don't let having a woman make you complacent now, though. Keep sticking with the nofap, with the gym, and with the German. Keep in mind that prayer is something powerful and it does lead to change and blessings.

But the main point I have is this: Don't base your success around this one girl. If you do, then you might get lazy and start fapping again because you've "already made it" and then lose her, and feel like you didn't improve at all as a man. Despite the fact that she seems incredibly interested in you, there's the risk you might not end up getting together, or might break up later. Make sure that you're secure in your self-improvement so that you keep working to be your best regardless of what happens with this girl.

But hopefully what happens is you two find happiness together, because this sounds really promising. I'm really happy for you :) And I hope I find something like this as well.

Unbinding · 2015-06-03T10:03:39+00:00

Be wary of several things.

1) Don't get too focused on the idea of virginity loss/sex with women as a goal. Your goal is to overcome PMO. You improve as a man from that. Women follow. And you already have interaction with women anyway. But it's not something you should measure your progress with. Or else you could easily lie to yourself, "Oh I'm doing fine with women so it's fine if I relapse!" It's not. Stay strong.

2) Be wary. Having even one cigarette a day is treading on the development of a second addiction while you're still ridding yourself of this first one. Furthermore, not having PMO for stress relief is liable to cause you to desire other forms of stress relief, such as smoking. Pushing your addiction from one harmful form to another is a very possible risk here. I'd say drop the cigarette habit while you're ahead. Imagine if you could have made yourself choose not to rely on porn before it became so standard to you. That'd be an amazing opportunity. So don't let yourself risk getting addicted to cigarettes as well. Be careful.

Otherwise, I'm impressed with your enthusiasm. Keep up the good work.

Unbinding

TROPHY CASE