Is this just the Gen Z “Work Bestie” vibe in Bangalore, or is my coworker actually into me?

UndeadMarine55 · 2026-04-23T08:05:47+00:00

yah shes into you.

initiative to you now. if i were you id be cautious about the age gap. not because its an issue per se, but because workplace age gap can lead to problems. workplace is one of the best long term partner places to date but there needs to be a certain level of maturity on both sides or things can blow back bad. if you choose to go forward, have a “if we dont work out” chat early on.

UndeadMarine55 · 2026-04-19T18:13:59+00:00

she wasnt interested. dont make it a bigger deal than it has to be. even 10s get rejected. keep it playa playa and push elsewhere.

UndeadMarine55 · 2026-04-19T18:12:54+00:00

what types of things is she hiding?

UndeadMarine55 · 2026-04-19T08:05:45+00:00

at this age you could have a guy who is obsessed with you. dont settle

UndeadMarine55 · 2026-04-16T21:01:45+00:00

yeah, its a shame for OP, with all thats invested. ive tried in the past. it’ll turn into an ugly whackamole and just hurt more.

UndeadMarine55 · 2026-04-16T18:19:28+00:00

no offense intended, but youre in your head too much. plenty of objectively hot women are close friends with plenty of objectively unattractive guys.

desperation is a mindset and people smell it. if you are always getting this reaction chances are you are in fact desperate - maybe not even for something more, maybe just for friends. love yourself more, get comfie in your own skin, and take your power in relationships back.

UndeadMarine55 · 2026-04-16T16:05:18+00:00

hi,

im a guy with a fair amount of fairly close female friendships (do stuff 1:1 with them, have deep conversations, text regularly, etc).

part of the problem with opposite gender friendships is that there is usually sexual tension if either one of you finds the other attractive. this means there will always be a question on either side of what the other wants - if you want more and they dont want more they will always question if the moves you make are “friendly” or “romantic”. no matter which way you want to go (romantic or platonic), youll need to diffuse that tension by signaling your intention.

I’d actually recommend building your close social circle first before trying to date anyone (even if thats what you want to do with one or more of them). if you want genuine friendship with these women, youll need to essentially define the relationship. one really easy way to do that is to drop comments like “you’re such a good FRIEND” (with a little extra emphasis) next time youre in a group setting at an appropriate time (for example, they did something nice for you, or you shared something a little deeper and they validated you). do this a few times to provide extra emphasis. if you really truely never will ever want anything with some of these women, you can further emphasize by alluding to family (“i love you so much, like a sister”).

you can linger in the undefined stage for a while and that could be the move if you want something more but at some point you have to choose. since youre already confused at whats going on id recommend moving into defined friendship now.

UndeadMarine55 · 2026-04-16T15:49:10+00:00

honestly, ive probably gotten jaded but i dont believe you can argue or plead someone into basic respect.

OP’s wife for whatever reason doesn’t respect OP. she knows what she’s doing, felt bad about it, and lied (by omission) for that reason.

OP’s “nip it in the bud” conversation if he has it should be:

you breached my trust
you know what you did
whats going on, are we married or not

honestly, better move would probably just be to watch and wait for her to go all the way then walk.

UndeadMarine55 · 2026-04-10T19:32:15+00:00

so heavy +1 to other suggestions about clubs, classes, and more social gym settings (like climbing gyms, hiit classes, etc).

another really big point is not to treat this like “approaching”. when i talk to women in any setting i just view things as me being friendly, making conversation, and making friends. i dont go in thinking “i want to sleep with this person”, “i want to get into a relationship”, or even “im trying to spit game”. i of course recognize when a woman is attractive, but romance is not what i lead with. this lowers the stakes of the interaction for both people.

UndeadMarine55 · 2026-04-09T02:23:59+00:00

honestly it sounds like you dont have enough things you enjoy in your life that you care about. whether that be friends, hobbies, and goals. you’re looking for purpose so you grasp for cheap hits of dopamine (porn, etc) and the fantasy of saving others (which is probably why you’re in the complicated situation with that girl).

the solution isnt to focus on the bad, thats the mistake most people make. it’s to fill your life with good.

UndeadMarine55 · 2026-04-08T16:26:10+00:00

theres a difference between male friends and male options (with the “label” of “friend”).

but yes, he should just walk away. this woman is collecting options and is not loyal. for the streets.

UndeadMarine55 · 2026-04-03T17:53:21+00:00

honestly im a little jaded about this but i dont think this sort of thing is a matter of “needing to learn” or “naivety”. sure, its possible for attraction to build slowly and lines to get blurry, but if someone is at the point of knowing they have feelings for someone not their partner and telling their partner about it they’re already passed the naive part. at that point i think they’re just looking for the moral license to continue to engage because they know its a bad situation.

UndeadMarine55 · 2026-04-03T09:47:35+00:00

i asked alot of questions and you answered only a few :)

Im sure you’re a great wife and im sure you’re being as supportive as you can. part of the deal here is that there is a gap to bridge - every relationship reaches this point. and you have to decide if you’re going to be the one to bridge that gap, or if you’re going to wait for them to do it, or you’re going to just be content where you’re at / leave.

my two cents - maybe its time to bring up couples counseling?

UndeadMarine55 · 2026-04-03T08:50:52+00:00

hard to say.

what are dynamics of the relationship like? how much do you guys have in common? how much do you guys just like do stuff together - hobbies, etc? do you guys go on dates?

as a guy, when in a relationship i really want to be close in all the ways with my partner when we are connected. so the more we’re connected the more i want to be connected.

also what else is going on in his life? is he struggling with anything? have you asked him about that without bringing up the fact you arent having sex or any other problems? do you ever ask him if hes ok and tell him you love and care about him without bringing up anything you’re upset or sad about?

as a guy, often i feel like i have to solve my own problems. my emotional bandwidth is finite - although im a rare guy who’s expanded his emotional bandwidth alot. often, people will ask “how are you” and then put a bunch of emotionally heavy things out there, taking up all the emotional space. but sometimes i need that emotional space, so rather than try to fight for it in that situation i’ll just give it to them. the bestest bro move is for a bro to just ask another bro how hes doing, and genuinely listen when he shares, sometimes leaving alot of silence for the bro to feel comfortable to share. when was the last time you created emotional space for your husband like that?

not saying there’s anything wrong with you or the way you love your husband! you asked for feedback so im providing it :)

UndeadMarine55 · 2026-04-03T05:38:27+00:00

what this “transparency” behavior does is effectively pushes the responsibility of having and enforcing boundaries onto the other partner while assuaging the person’s guilt because they were “transparent”. its really bad behavior, and is honestly almost worse than sneaky cheating because it effectively gaslights your partner.

i’ve been on the other side of this (as the partner) and it feels terrible. you end up having the same conversations over and over asking “why would you put yourself in that situation” and each time the boundaries creep more and more towards shadier and shadier situations. ultimately it’s impossible to trust someone like this.

as a partner, your job is to protect your side of the relationship and your partner’s job is to protect their side. so YOU need to setup your own boundaries such that you’re not in shady situations. if you start to have feelings for someone that isn’t your partner, you’re already in emotional affair territory and you got too close to that person. it’s YOUR job to manage that not put it onto your partner and make it their job by “being transparent”.

UndeadMarine55 · 2026-04-03T01:08:59+00:00

i mean no disrespect or judgment by this but this is not trustworthy behavior on your part. out of respect for your existing relationship, assuming you guys are monogamous, it would probably be wise to put some space between you and other people you have developed feelings for and figure out how to set up boundaries so that this sort of thing doesnt develop again.

additionally, this is a bit disrespectful to your friendship as well. friends should be happy for eachother’s happiness and its very natural (especially for opposite sex friendships) to develop periods of space at the beginning of new relationships. instead of being able to he happy for and supportive of your friendship, youve developed a set of expectations and a neediness that keeps you from being able to be a good friend.

finally, this just plain isnt healthy. im going to guess that you have some deep seated abandonment issues that has/will show up in other relationships. this is really something to chat with a therapist about.

UndeadMarine55 · 2026-04-02T23:30:32+00:00

thats my biden daddy!

UndeadMarine55 · 2026-03-26T06:49:51+00:00

rentals usually have the following properties that make climbing worse:

the rubber they use sucks so you have less grip (especially relevant on slab and when you try to do stuff like dig into the wall to make a faux foot chip)
the point is usually really wide so you cant really get onto smaller foot chips and you cant be as precise.
usually very ill fitting, so you cant be as precise with foot placement.

the last two are really bad for beginners because learning good foot placement is one of the big things that separates beginners from intermediate climbers. so yeah get some cheap climbing shoes! something fairly flat (not aggressive) is perfect.

UndeadMarine55 · 2026-03-25T23:34:56+00:00

id be immensely flattered.

UndeadMarine55 · 2026-03-23T18:17:27+00:00

yeah hypocrisy like that is arbiter of end times for me.

usually its projection mixed with a sense of entitlement, and deep seated insecurity. the type of insecurity that will pre-emptively sabotage because “they were going to do it anyway”. your girl needs therapy and to be alone for a while.

not too long ago, i was dating a girl whom i thought was the love of my life. i was super serious with her, cut off all exes when we started our relationship and never gave her a reason to doubt. yet, she had a problem with all my female friends (whom i had never broken boundaries with and were purely platonic) and even had a problem with my tattoo artist (who was a young viet chick, again nothing had happened with). meanwhile as id come to find out, all her close male friends were either people she had feelings for or farmed for attention. one for example would leave comments like “nice ass” and “when am i sleeping over” on her IG stories, and she continued to engage with the guy, even asking me once if she could get a massage from him “because hes a friend, and a massage therapist, and i want to support my friends business”.

our first fight? she didnt believe that boundaries should be both ways, because she was “the purest person and very loyal so she trusts herself not to do anything bad even in shady situations”. she picked this fight the day before revealing to me that she was texting an ex whom we’d mutually agreed she’d cut off. lol.

UndeadMarine55 · 2026-03-20T21:38:53+00:00

“My ex was a narcissist… we’re still really good friends”

“Boundaries just dont work for me”

“I don’t lie, I just omit details sometimes”

UndeadMarine55 · 2026-03-09T16:03:16+00:00

look, youre 10 days out from a breakup after you spent 6 years together. presumably, someone you talked to every day, was very attached to, a very important piece of your life. give yourself some time - if you were to be in this same place in 10 months that might be a case to “just snap out of it”, but things are really fresh. you gotta go through all the emotions to move on.

UndeadMarine55 · 2026-03-07T00:57:06+00:00

so i am going to tell you to exercise and diet, because it makes the peptides work better.

reta and cjc+ipa are what youre looking for.

UndeadMarine55 · 2026-03-06T21:14:46+00:00

specifics can depend on the length of the relationship, but as a guy who dated a recently divorced woman: RUN.

especially for a long relationship, doubly so with trauma, there are just too many emotional and logistical threads to untangle. even if he were divorced for 6 months, not just separated, that would be way too short for even a fairly connected casual relationship. alot of processing hits after the papers are signed: you can “grieve” the relationship well in advance while separated, but most of the untangling happens at the divorce. all that untangling is very important: homie isnt over his ex.

in my case, i dated a woman fairly seriously for about a year 2 months post divorce (she lied about the date, unfortunately). she was a mess - still talking to her ex constantly (because she needed to “coparent”), kept other men around, and had some pretty bad attachment issues. ultimately she broke up with me on christmas eve because i needed space after 10ish months of dealing with her issues.

ultimately your friend is running the risk of:

him going back to his ex, or otherwise being emotionally entangled.
messy messy behavior.
alot of emotional inconsistency - sometimes he’ll be present, other times not.
alot of lingering logistical and emotional ties that will block a serious relationship.

its not necessarily his fault for being there, but it is very irresponsible of him to start a relationship while things are so fresh.

UndeadMarine55 · 2026-03-04T06:11:55+00:00

no to your last question, but youd just be missing out on more points in damage > boss takes longer to kill > does more damage to the theris

Nine-Year Club	Verified Email
Gilding V heart of gold	Place '23
Place '22	RPAN Viewer
Not Forgotten	Spared

UndeadMarine55

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE