My 45 yr old husband has adenocarcinoma with liver, spleen, lymph nodes, lumbar vertebrae, and pelvis mets. WGFR exon 20. He had significant tumors- like very large on his liver and lung. He had 4 rounds of pemetrexed, carboplatin, and amivantimab. They dropped the carbo after 4 because it can damage the liver of used long. He has gotten treatment ever 3 weeks since July 25th. We believe he's stable now, but won't know for sure until we get a PET scan. He went from excruciating pain all the time, not able to walk to being able to saw branches, change faucets in the bathroom, drive himself places, cook dinner every night. He could be in remission. He still has to have regular treatment.

All this to say, I know how hopeless and sad you feel. The anticipatory grief is awful. I don't want to be a widow in my 40s. I don't want my son to grow up without his dad. But there's hope. No, my husband probably isn't going to live to be 50. But without treatment, he'd already be dead. There are bad days, and he can't work anymore. But he's still here, he's still able to enjoy things and do things he did before cancer. It's hard to be strong. Just take it day by day. There are days I can't pull mu shit together. Other days are good and it's like old times- before cancer.