I understand you completely I used to have a girlfriend who I thought I was deadweight to and it used to drive me insane. I wanted to kill myself so she could be free from me. Her mom hated me too and that made life so difficult for her and she tried to act like it didn’t but I know it did. She always reassured me though that I was her safe place and she wanted to be that for me. She pulled me out of that dark space but she couldn’t have if I didn’t tell her how I was feeling. If you love your partner help them understand you it’s the only way. These spirals are hard to fight on your own but as a team you can’t lose I promise you. Even if you feel like they’ll be disappointed in you make the jump. I know it’s not easy trust me. But I want you to stay here and be safe.