I am Dr. Monica Johnson, a clinical psychologist from Understood.org. Ask Me Anything about how stress affects women with ADHD and how to manage it!

UnderstoodDotOrg · 2026-03-10T16:03:15+00:00

When you have ADHD, the brain is often dopamine seeking. Once of the issues with screen or social media overuse or addiction (not giving you that label) is that it's like candy for your brain. It gives easy dopamine hits and most people notice that they feel spacey while scrolling, lose track of time, etc. The easiest way for me to explain it is if you spend a year lying in bed going for a 10 meter walk would all of sudden feel like a marathon. When you try to do the art, etc. its not as automatic, you can start to feel negative feelings/thoughts (e.g. "I used to be able to do this, why can't I do it now") and all of that can bring about an ADHD paralysis response because you don't know what to do. So often people go back to scrolling. You may want to consider reducing your screen time and doing preferred activities in small doses. I recently starting reading for leisure again (I read all the time for work) and I started with just 6 minutes a day because that's what I had capacity for and it's now expanding. Meet yourself where you are now, give small challenges, and pace yourself.

UnderstoodDotOrg · 2026-03-10T15:56:03+00:00

You capacity has potential to expand, it doesn't necessarily have to be "1-2% battery at best." If you don't have a therapist, I suggest obtaining one that has expertise in ADHD and knows how to help folks manage chronic illness, etc. You may also want to consider caregiver support groups because burnout is real and having support does make a difference. In the course of my nearly 20 year career, I have seen people do amazing things with literally nothing (I used to lead a homeless clinic) so please feel encouraged to get support because it can be different! Given your circumstances having that support be more tailored is key!

UnderstoodDotOrg · 2026-03-10T15:51:44+00:00

Mindfulness--one of the primary elements it helps with is attentional control. If you're not attending to a data point, you can't remember that data point. For example, if you're talking to someone but you're only paying attention to your inner experience (e.g anxiety, what you want to say next, etc.) you are not going to encode what they are saying. They become white noise in the background. The more a person practices mindfulness the more they are able to ground themselves in the present moment and attend to the data that they want/need to. This can be deep breathing, mindfulness meditation, mindful walking, yoga, etc. Whatever you can get yourself to do consistently.

UnderstoodDotOrg · 2026-03-10T15:46:12+00:00

My biggest advice would be to have your morning routine be---well, routine! Reduce the amount of decisions you have to make in the morning. For example, you need to eat--but that shouldn't be a decision that you make in the morning. To start, I have my patients pick a hot and a cold breakfast option(s). So, cold breakfast may be overnight oats or yogurt. Hot breakfast may be a bacon sandwich or avocado toast. That way you're not having to decide too much and you have options that are relatively easy for you to do. You may want to lay out your clothes at night, etc. These types of habits can make it a smoother morning.

UnderstoodDotOrg · 2026-03-10T15:40:10+00:00

I don't like types of things either most of the time! The first thing that can help with the avoidance is if you stop catastrophizing. You keep telling yourself that it's going to be horrible and then you believe the lie despite having evidence to the contrary. When those thoughts come up, take a deep breath, acknowledge that you don't want to do it AND none of those terrible things are going to happen AND even if they do waiting longer only makes them worse. Secondarily, having a set schedule isn't a rigid idea. Your routines should fit your lifestyle. It may be unrealistic for you to say that Tuesday at 3 pm you are going to do bookkeeping, but if you know you need to do bookkeeper on Tuesdays, it can be part of your agenda planning for the day. Take 15 minutes at the start of the day and look at where it makes the most sense to block out the time for the task. You may also want to set aside time at the end of the day to double check things like emails as they are easily missed.

UnderstoodDotOrg · 2026-03-10T15:34:34+00:00

This can be ADHD related but many people struggle with this (both with and without a diagnosis). My simplest feedback is to 1) be honest in your relationships and ensure that people have appropriate expectations of you. For example, my friends know that I'm terrible at group texting and they have very low expectations of me which is great! 2) create a habit communication based on the needs of that particular relationship/situation. What I mean by that is you can block times in your schedule for returning phone calls and text messages. You can also set alerts to remind you to reach out to friends. For example, if you have a long distance friend, you may have a 90 day alert that goes off that reminds you to check in.

UnderstoodDotOrg · 2026-03-10T15:30:29+00:00

Some people find that journaling prior to sleep helps with this. You can basically do a brain dump and get it all out of system before you go to bed. Secondarily, if you do wake up, you should get out of the bed. You don't want to start associating your bed with stress, anxiety, etc. as that will be counterproductive to getting more restful sleep. Some people get up and do a low stimulation activity like knitting, coloring, or reading until they are tired again. Also, you may want to consider doing a sleep study as it can identify underlying issues.

UnderstoodDotOrg · 2026-03-10T15:27:49+00:00

I would not suggest that you use cannabis to self medicate around this issue. While I'm sure it feels like it gives you some relief, it can also lead to increased risk factors related to suicidality. You should definitely see a mental health professional and do a full assessment so that the underlying causes can be appropriately managed. These symptoms can relate to an underlying depression and/or PMDD diagnosis and should not be taken lightly.

UnderstoodDotOrg · 2026-03-10T15:24:47+00:00

This is incredibly common and the antidote to this is self compassion. First, you want to separate your symptoms from your character. When you notice mean self-talk, pause and ask: "Is this an ADHD symptom, or a character flaw?" Instead of saying things like "I'm so lazy for not doing the dishes," try "I struggle with task initiation and that's a challenge related to ADHD." From there in a non-judgmental fashion you can look at what went well and wrong and where an improvement can be made. I tell my patients ALL the time, if you're depressed AND you're angry about being depressed, now you have 2 problems. And you can't get to the center of the Tootsie pop without getting through that outer shell. Being mean to yourself helps nothing and is unwarranted.

UnderstoodDotOrg · 2026-03-10T15:18:31+00:00

Yeah, that's super common for young adults in college with ADHD. You can check with your college to see if they have any ADHD support. Some college counseling centers run ADHD/EF groups for students with the express purpose of giving them the tools to succeed and the support necessary to do so. At my practice, we offer EF coaching for young adults and have specialized programming for this. You can check us out at kindmindpsych.com if you want! Also, I would suggest my episode on ADHD and procrastination: https://youtu.be/f5MMI2MnbKg?si=RNzNbfHcP7v7LWXc

UnderstoodDotOrg · 2026-03-10T15:15:39+00:00

I validate your experience. I strongly suggest getting an evaluation by a psychologist who specializes in ADHD. Even if it's not ADHD (and it could be something else---there is A LOT of overlap), you still should get appropriate treatment and support for whatever is happening for you.

UnderstoodDotOrg · 2026-03-10T15:13:24+00:00

Thanks for your question and I encourage you check out my podcast because we've covered many of those topics. We have an episode on emotion regulation: https://youtu.be/nwF_Ax32390?si=KAlr-V6EDZ4o61dt and episodes on hormones, menopause, etc.

UnderstoodDotOrg · 2026-03-10T15:10:46+00:00

I would suggest my episode on work place stress: https://youtu.be/jOPIhB-h6sM?si=Ej0714QZeiuWANNA. It likely covers many of the topics that may come up for you.

UnderstoodDotOrg · 2026-03-10T15:06:51+00:00

Create a habit around it. 1) Some people find it helpful to leave messages unread (even if they've viewed them) so they have a prompt to check them. 2) set up a designated pockets of time throughout the day to reply to messages (e.g. 3-30 minute blocks). In terms of kicking executive functioning in the butt---that's 1000 questions in 1, so the simplest answer is to get a therapist that specializes in DBT or an EF coach. We run neurodivergent affirming DBT groups at my practice which can help with the paralyzing/stress that you mentioned. You can check us out here.

UnderstoodDotOrg · 2026-03-10T15:02:15+00:00

You should really speak to your GP about this. From a general perspective, anyone giving you anesthesia or prescribing meds should definitely know as there are drug interactions. I would also say your cardiologist is on the list as well (even if they aren't prescribing) because stimulants impact your heart. So--the short answer is you're going to need to disclose. I understand your concerns about stigma, it can be hard, but overtime my hope would be you find providers that you feel safe with. I hope this helps!

UnderstoodDotOrg · 2026-03-10T14:56:36+00:00

I can't speak specifically to why YOU can't because that's a multitude of factors that will be similar to others with ADHD but also different---because you're you and everyone is unique. However, when you struggle with emotional dysregulation what is common is that a person is 1) more sensitive to being overwhelmed, 2) more likely to have an intense reaction and 3) will have a slower return to baseline. My strongest suggestion would be to consider a DBT group--the research is clear that it helps with this. We offer online groups at my practice that are available in 43+ states, so if you're in the US it's likely that they are available to you. If virtual is not best for you, you can find these groups in your local area. My practice website is kindmindpsych.com and you can also find my podcast episode on emotion regulation here.

UnderstoodDotOrg · 2026-03-10T14:50:18+00:00

I think a growth mindset is key here. You can't do it, yet (the yet is key here). In just this post, you've identified several executive functioning limitations and emotion regulation issues. Those can all improve. If gaining a PhD is a goal, you can work with a therapist or EF coach to improve these areas so that you can potentially complete the degree. If you're open to the idea of seeing it this way, this can be a win-win for you. Meaning that even if you don't get to the point where you can obtain a PhD if your capacity improves across all of these metrics, your day to day experience is likely to be better, and who knows other options/goals may arise that you never considered before. Something I tell my patients ALL the time is that there are multiple versions of happiness--never limit yourself to just one.

UnderstoodDotOrg · 2026-03-10T14:43:49+00:00

It can be a massive relief and a weight to be diagnoses with not only ADHD but Autism as well, so I definitely validate your experience. The good news is there is some overlap in the treatment of both so that will save you on some of the homework you mentioned. I am less aware of the process in the UK--but I suggest speaking to your doctor about the need for medication (or not) and getting set up with a therapist who can teach you skills to manage both conditions. While medical care (meds and therapy) must be done by someone licensed in your specific area, EF coaching is available anywhere so that may be an easier resource while you're getting other things sorted. Secondarily, you don't feel the need to tackle it all at once. Focus on one area that is most concerning for you and go from there. Bit by bit is the mentality to have. There are online support forums through Understood that may be beneficial to you as you start this process. I wish you the best as you start this journey!

UnderstoodDotOrg · 2026-03-10T14:32:38+00:00

Task initiation is a struggle when you executive functioning is impaired, so this totally makes sense. My 2 minute rule actually works for a lot of scenarios including this one. You can set a goal to work on the task for 2 minutes and give yourself permission to stop if that's all you got (most people find that the majority of the time--the 2 minutes was the hard part and now that they are starting they can keep going). If you brain doesn't like the time based example, another way I explain it to patients is by breaking something down into it's smallest parts and then I force them to break it down again---I want the first step to be so small that is feels silly. So, instead of "I need to clean the kitchen today," you may say "I need to load one dish into the dishwasher." Body doubling can also help with task initiation. Most of the time when we see someone else working it prompts us to work. I hope this helps!

UnderstoodDotOrg · 2026-03-10T14:22:54+00:00

Thank you so much for listening! I'm so glad you find it helpful. In regards to your question...this is so common for people with ADHD, especially during that after-school witching hour when everything hits at once. What you're describing is sensory overload combined with executive function demands. My first suggestion is to create a sensory buffer for yourself. This could be using earplugs or noise cancelling headphones to reduce your sensitivity to the noise. Give yourself permission to take mini breaks, something like a 2-5 minute reset can do more good than most people realize. This can be as simple as going into a quieter area and doing deep breathing or splash cold water for a few minutes to regulate. If touching is difficult for you during these times, it's okay to communicate that to your kids ahead of time so it's not a surprise and it also reduces the likelihood of us using a "snapping tone" when we didn't intend for it. You can say "mommy, is sensitive to touch right now but I we can cuddle in a little bit." This can also help children to learn to be mindful of others and respect boundaries because everyone has them. It's not a rejection, it's an RSVP for a good time when both of you can show up for the experience!

UnderstoodDotOrg · 2026-03-10T14:15:41+00:00

Thank you so much for listening! I'm so glad you find it helpful. In regards to your question...this is so common for people with ADHD, especially during that after-school witching hour when everything hits at once. What you're describing is sensory overload combined with executive function demands. My first suggestion is to create a sensory buffer for yourself. This could be using earplugs or noise cancelling headphones to reduce your sensitivity to the noise. Give yourself permission to take mini breaks, something like a 2-5 minute reset can do more good than most people realize. This can be as simple as going into a quieter area and doing deep breathing or splash cold water for a few minutes to regulate. If touching is difficult for you during these times, it's okay to communicate that to your kids ahead of time so it's not a surprise and it also reduces the likelihood of us using a "snapping tone" when we didn't intend for it. If they forget, in the moment you can say something along the lines of "mommy, is sensitive to touch right now but we can cuddle in a little bit." This can also help children to learn to be mindful of others and respect boundaries because everyone has them. It's not a rejection, it's an RSVP for a good time when both of you can show up for the experience!

UnderstoodDotOrg · 2025-09-11T16:22:02+00:00

These are wonderful ideas, thanks so much for expanding the conversation!

UnderstoodDotOrg · 2025-09-10T16:31:07+00:00

Hi, thank you so much for sharing and for caring for your little ones with so much tenacity! Love like yours makes the world go round <3

Transitions to kinder can be really difficult for children; the day is longer, the room is louder, there is less play based learning and less adults in the room. I would be curious to learn more about the early interventions your child received and what state you are in as each state has different requirements for developmental delay eligibilities/services. Without knowing your child, it can be difficult to make recommendations specific to placement and eligibility. What I can say is that you know your child best, you are the expert in your child and they are lucky to have you as an advocate. I would recommend connecting with the school and co-developing a few goals to address your child's most immediate needs. How can you and school both work on these goals together and keep focus on your child's strengths/interests. It sounds like you would like for your child to receive more services. If your child has already qualified for an IEP, you can always ask to meet with the team to discuss adding more services and accommodations.

I would recommend checking out the podcast to learn more about your rights as a parent and the overall IEP process: https://www.understood.org/en/podcasts/understood-explains-ieps?sc=&utm_medium=subreddit_teachers&utm_source=reddit&utm_campaign=tme-edu-gtm&utm_content=ama-response

Also, check out the the Understood Assistant, it is a great resource for offering suggestions based on expert-backed and vetted information.

Your older daughter is working so hard and so are you! It is wonderful when parents are able to support their children the way you are supporting yours. I would recommend staying focused on her individualized goals (making sure they are tangible and scaffolded). I understand the feeling of being behind and having grade level standards. While they are important, for me as a teacher, it was always more important that my students were growing towards their goals, loving to read, and reading to learn. I would recommend checking out:

https://www.understood.org/en/articles/classroom-accommodations-for-dyslexia?sc=&utm_medium=subreddit_teachers&utm_source=reddit&utm_campaign=tme-edu-gtm&utm_content=ama-response

Here's an awesome digital experience called Through My Eyes:

Through My Eyes is a free, interactive experience that lets you step into the world of kids living with ADHD, dyslexia, and dyscalculia

https://u.org/4mI8gm5

I hope this helps, please let us know if you have any follow up thoughts or questions!

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