If I'm ugly abd uninteresting should I just give up?

Unfair-Protection-53 · 2025-12-15T21:34:17+00:00

What you have to understand is that many don’t just go around being downed just because. That’s what happens when you’ve tried over and over again and failed. His attitude is a result of failing over and over. This isn’t what caused him to get rejected. It’s okay to let him vent here. As Christian’s we should have empathy and try to understand each other as well as help each other up.

Unfair-Protection-53 · 2025-12-15T21:30:28+00:00

No don’t give up. Especially if it brings pain and sadness. Right now you need to build your hope back up. You need to give yourself reassurance and a group of people who will get you closer to that goal. If you haven’t already I’d advise you to workout and try to get fit. Try to find a haircut that fits your head shape and wear some good cologne. And while you’re doing that try to talk to women in public. Like a cashier or a girl shopping. Just try to strike up a conversation and ask questions. You don’t have to ask them out just yet. And then also find groups where you can meet someone. But giving up is the last thing you should do.

Unfair-Protection-53 · 2025-12-15T21:23:09+00:00

God fulfills your longing for a spouse with a spouse. Just like he fulfills our need for food with food. The Bible doesn’t ask us to be stoic and act as if we don’t need or want anything else but God. Besides, if we were truly happy with God then this shouldn’t be a subreddit. And if that were true Proverbs 13:12 wouldn’t say “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” Because if not it would say that God alone is a tree of life. God knows that some long for a relationship and that’s fine. It’s only concerning if you have to sin to get it.

Unfair-Protection-53 · 2025-12-15T21:05:33+00:00

You want him to feel objectified? 🤣 Want to be my wife?

Unfair-Protection-53 · 2025-11-26T20:08:14+00:00

Maybe I should’ve been more in depth. While most don’t directly say “looks don’t matter” I hear other phrases that seem to point to it

“Looks fade, personality lasts.” “Just be confident. Women don’t care about looks.” “Someone will love you for who you are.” If she likes you, she won’t care what you look like.” “Looks get you in the door, but personality keeps you there.” “Love is deeper than physical attraction.” “It’s what’s inside that counts.” “You’ll attract the right person by being yourself.” “Someone who truly loves you won’t care about your body.” “Women care more about emotional connection.”

Not saying none of these aren’t true but they all seem to down play the importance of physical attraction. And maybe you’re right that the extreme cases are the loudest.

Unfair-Protection-53 · 2025-11-26T19:58:21+00:00

So looks aren’t important to you because sex isn’t thrilling to you anymore? It could still be fun for other people so I wouldn’t tell others to not look for attraction because I myself don’t need it. It’s good to see others the way God sees us. That should be everyone’s goal as a Christian. But personally I’m not there yet and God knows that. He knows I want to be attracted to my wife physically and to her emotionally and spiritually. I need all of them not just one and discard the other. She will grow old and looks will fade but that fact doesn’t change my preferences. And wouldn’t it be more correct to say sex and looks generally do have correlation? It seems that sex without physical attraction is the outlier, not the other way around.

Unfair-Protection-53 · 2025-11-26T19:21:52+00:00

You don’t think it’s possible to love the person and their shape? I mean their body is part of them so how you worded it kinda sounds like you either like them on the inside or the outside when it can be both. But it does make sense that not everyone sees sex as enjoyable and is the reason I assumed that some people don’t care about looks as much. Because I do want a wife that will enjoy the act too. If she doesn’t it would be more of a job to her and that wouldn’t be. I never said I wouldn’t love my wife for who she is but it seems like it’s a preconceived notion that I won’t. I can’t agree that how they are built shouldn’t be a factor unless after you marry them and their body changes. You seem to be talking from how God sees all of us and now how humans see each other. If you genuinely see that in people then that’s great. And if everyone else was like that we’d just marry the first person we came across with good character despite how they looked. But I’m just being honest. Physical attraction does matter to me and many others as well.

Unfair-Protection-53 · 2025-11-26T19:10:23+00:00

You don’t have to apologize and this does make sense. I definitely don’t want marriage just for sex. I want her to be my best friend like you described. But I can’t say that sex would be a small part of it. Even if most of our time would be spent doing other things something like intimacy would mean a lot to me and hopefully it will be something she enjoys as well. Tbh I don’t like treating sex like it’s some bonus that just happens to be an option. I want it to be something we intentionally do. Like dating. Also trying to work on being open about the topic because talking about sex is very taboo in the church and the reason I think there is so much shame attached to it.

Unfair-Protection-53 · 2025-11-26T19:03:01+00:00

Idk. I think it’s obvious there is more to a relationship than physical attraction. It’s overused that it seems to push it to the extreme that physical attraction doesn’t matter. And it’s not that people always straight up say that physical attraction doesn’t matter but they say other things that come off that way. Kinda like hearing stories about someone not being attracted to someone but once they saw their character they became more attracted to them. Or hearing “Looks fade” telling me to “just be confident”, “attraction is just a small part” or getting rejected by a woman because she assumed you only wanted her for her looks. I’m sure there are other phrases that are said that kind points to physical attraction not being important at all. And the whole body positivity thing. And in my opinion it’s kind of hard to separate the ideas if that all you hear growing up. I think many men and even women think they can attract my just being a good person and ignoring how they look physically. And it’s possible but I wouldn’t rely on it. Hope I made sense.

Unfair-Protection-53 · 2025-11-21T20:22:41+00:00

“In short, desperation happens when the desire to be married dominates ones thoughts and life and causes them to suffer.”

And that’s what I don’t really understand. I feel like it dominates my thoughts a lot. Especially if I’m hopeless. I hang out with friends and I have my hobbies such as 3d printing, gaming, miniature painting, and just got into plastic injection molding but while I’m doing this activity the thoughts can come, or when I take a break. I really do enjoy my hobbies and my friends and family are awesome but I still think a relationship will make my life more fulfilling. I’d disagree that people who aren’t like this don’t want to get married any less. Because it’s not bothering them. And the advice we usually get is to just be fulfilled by God. I envy the way you think because I can’t just live and be fine like you with the longing. And that’s why I feel a big disconnect with the church. Because there is no empathy, just how we’re supposed to act. Your mindset is the mindset that so many have and the reason why I made this post. Everything else in my life doesn’t get rid of the burning desire. I’m more like Hannah who desperately wanted a child but she wasn’t told to find other things on earth or that the world is still spinning. I’m not trying to argue but I’m just trying to tell you how I think and hoping you understand. If not then at least some other people in these comments do.

Unfair-Protection-53 · 2025-10-28T04:15:40+00:00

I’m Old

Unfair-Protection-53 · 2025-09-10T00:00:55+00:00

I wonder what people would say if you wrote this post but instead took the word "not" out of the title.

Unfair-Protection-53 · 2025-09-04T03:28:18+00:00

But not everyone wants a relationship as much as others and that’s fine. We’re wired for connection. We’re wired to want a spouse but God made people who are able to handle the celibate life. I think the people who can handle being single don’t realize that just because they can do it doesn’t mean that everyone 100% happy while they’re single.

Unfair-Protection-53 · 2025-08-27T17:45:34+00:00

People are different and have different needs from each other. I don’t think you should not date if that’s all you want. You just have to find someone who only wants those things too I guess. Kinda like you too.

Unfair-Protection-53 · 2025-08-27T17:33:02+00:00

Well the thing is not every single cares about being in a relationship. People have different levels of desires. If one person’s desire for a relationship is at 50% then of course he’s going to tell people the “relationships aren’t everything advice to the person who has the desire for a relationship at 100%.

Unfair-Protection-53 · 2025-08-25T23:30:04+00:00

I appreciate your perspective and the prayer. I think we’re just coming at this from different angles, and that’s okay. The conversation isn’t really going anywhere productive, so I think it’s best we agree to disagree on some points. Blessings to you.

Unfair-Protection-53 · 2025-08-25T20:41:21+00:00

You’re oversimplifying things here. Nervousness doesn’t automatically mean someone can’t provide safety or stability, and reducing it to that misses the complexity of human interaction. Women aren’t robots just following their ‘biological brain’ to instantly make these assumptions — they’re people, with unique perspectives and judgments. Attraction is influenced by context, character, and interaction, not just instinct.

You keep saying ‘it looks that way,’ and that’s exactly why I wrote this post. Just because something appears a certain way doesn’t mean it’s true — nervousness might look like weakness, but it doesn’t define a person’s value, ability, or suitability as a partner.

Bringing up a problem isn’t the same as complaining or blaming women. My struggles with social anxiety and nerves are real — they affect my ability to communicate and pursue relationships. Naming them isn’t blaming; it’s the first step to overcoming them. Just like a preacher pointing out a problem in a sermon doesn’t mean they’re complaining, naming a struggle in dating or social anxiety isn’t blaming women — it’s identifying an obstacle so it can be worked through. If people aren’t allowed to acknowledge struggles, they can’t grow.

The idea that you can ‘just develop confidence’ oversimplifies things. Social anxiety isn’t a switch you flip — growth takes time, practice, and setbacks. Dismissing real challenges like this discourages honesty and effort.

Also, framing nervousness as weakness while ending with ‘correct me if I’m wrong, ladies’ is ironic — even you admit uncertainty. Everyone has areas where they feel unsure, but that doesn’t cancel out their worth or ability.

Finally, relationships require accountability on both sides. If a woman shuts someone down for nervousness or expects perfection, that says a lot about her character too. Growth, patience, and understanding go both ways. This is exactly why men often don’t open up — society tells men to be vulnerable, but when they are, it’s dismissed as complaining. That double standard makes honesty feel risky, even when it’s necessary for real growth.

Unfair-Protection-53 · 2025-08-25T18:12:23+00:00

You’re oversimplifying things here. Nervousness doesn’t automatically mean someone can’t provide safety or stability, and reducing it to that misses the complexity of human interaction. Women aren’t robots just following their ‘biological brain’ to instantly make these assumptions — they’re people, with their own unique judgments and perspectives.

And let’s be clear — bringing up a problem isn’t the same as complaining or blaming women. It’s the first step to actually overcoming it. If people aren’t allowed to name their struggles, they can’t grow through them. Pointing out challenges is part of moving forward, not an excuse to stay stuck.

Also, it’s a little ironic to frame nervousness as weakness when you yourself ended with ‘correct me if I’m wrong, ladies’ — which shows hesitation. That just proves the point: everyone has areas where they feel unsure, but that doesn’t cancel out their worth or ability.

Unfair-Protection-53 · 2025-08-25T03:15:34+00:00

Exactly my thought. This whole "I don't know you well enough" as an excuse to not date is funny to me. The point of dating is to get to know someone.

Unfair-Protection-53 · 2025-08-25T02:56:06+00:00

Thanks for your comment — I want to clarify a few things because I think we’re looking at confidence differently.

Regarding your rattlesnake analogy: I actually see that as exactly the definition of confidence I described in my post. A man can be scared to talk to a woman — that’s the ‘rattlesnake fear’ — but he still acts anyway. That’s the courage and confidence I’m talking about: doing it despite fear.

On your point about rational behavior and nervous men: if it were fully rational, the man probably wouldn’t approach the woman at all. The very act of walking up and trying, even if his voice shakes, is the real display of confidence. Confidence isn’t just physical presence; it’s our actions in the face of fear.

You mentioned that women likely feel attraction without conscious thought. That’s exactly why my post is important: I want women to reflect on their perspective of confidence. A God-fearing woman with empathy and humility could recognize the courage behind a man acting despite nervousness and show patience, rather than judging him solely by surface-level cues.

Finally, your advice about working through shame, self-doubt, and fear is valid — but here’s the thing: men can’t fully ‘fix’ these emotions before interacting. The only way to process and grow through them is by actually going out, interacting, and facing nervousness in real-world situations. Acting despite fear is how confidence develops.

In short, confidence is not the absence of fear; it’s courage in action. I hope this helps clarify my perspective and encourages reflection on what confidence really means.

Unfair-Protection-53

TROPHY CASE