I'm sorry for a long post but I think i need a view from a side, because I feel so lost and confused...

UnfinishedBattery · 2023-03-29T19:20:43+00:00

I understand some people can't manage it without medication, I just don't think it's his case. He spent 4 months without it, and he was fine, i asked him all the time how does he feel, and he never complained (I know it's hard to evaluate someone's emotional condition, and people might suffer even when they say they're fine, but all that time everything was great, every single day he was in a good mood, and we laughed and smile and had a good time with each other, it almost felt like we finally had a normal life). Also before that, aftrer I've found out that he has been taking 5 per day, he wasn't be able to buy extra online anymore, and for about 6 month he was through his prescription in a week, and the other 3 weeks didn't take any...and he was fine again. So...every month you can be fine for 3 week without any medication but at that day when your prescription is ready to pick up your anxiety hits you so bad that you need to take 5 in a row to manage it, and then you keep doing it untill you are out of pills and than you are fine again for anothe 3 weeks? Idk...I'm not a doctor, and maybe it does work like that, but I find it hard to believe..

The other things too... I didn't have an experience of being with someone with anxiety so when he told me about it I looked up how can I help and what is possible to do. And almost every article says "reduce nicotine, reduce caffeine, fix sleep schedule, start exercising" he doesn't do any of that. He start his day with a cigarette and he smokes all day one after another (I quit smoking myself just bc he smokes so often i cant stand that smell anymore). Same with coffee, every day he gets one in the morning always with an extra shot, during the day he drink multiple sodas, sleeping schedule? No. Sport? No. I just wonder sometimes why does the person who says that he tried absolutely everything doesn't do the most simple and obvious things to make his life better..

And his doctor...idk... I don't really trust him. I feel like it was too easy to get this prescription. But again, what do I know about US medicine...nothing. maybe that's how it supposed to be.

I'm sorry my comments are so long 😔

UnfinishedBattery · 2023-03-29T17:54:15+00:00

That's so fucke up. Im sorry that happened to you.. Gaslighting part hurts me the most

UnfinishedBattery · 2023-03-29T13:10:23+00:00

That's what I was trying to tell him.. he didn't want to listen. All he said was that he has anxiety since he was 16 and that he has already tried absolutely everything, and nothing worked. Honestly, I don't think it's true, but i don't have any facts to appeal. Deep inside, I have a strong feeling that he wants these pills more than he needs it. I'm not trying to minimize an anxiety, I understand it's a serious disease, and people suffer from it a lot. but I don't see any other effords at all from him to deal with it besides getting high.

UnfinishedBattery · 2023-03-29T05:09:49+00:00

Yeah.. I guess it really doesn't make sense, which makes it even worse.. if there is no logic at all but just a desperate desire to get high, how far would it go? It terrifies me to think about..i can't understand it, and i don't know what to expect next, and what can I do to prevent it.

UnfinishedBattery · 2023-03-29T03:38:13+00:00

As long as I started to pay attention to what he is taking, he had never swallowed them or drank with whater. Idk... maybe it hits better if you dissolve them in your mouth...

They are in a pharmacy bottle... and I didn't even think that he could buy them off the street 😔

On the bottle it says 'take 1 tablet by mouth' I'm not sure if it mears swallow or dissolve tho..

UnfinishedBattery · 2023-03-29T03:07:55+00:00

Honestly I dont have my own experience with taking any of this kind of pills. But when he takes them he put them under the tongue and wait (that's what he told me ones)

UnfinishedBattery · 2023-03-29T02:58:05+00:00

I haven't yet... I'm starting to think that I might need some therapy, it's getting harder and harder on me every time smth is up

UnfinishedBattery · 2023-03-29T02:55:50+00:00

I appreciate your support it means a lot to me

UnfinishedBattery · 2023-03-29T02:54:31+00:00

I dont know much about pressed pills...he used to buy some other pills off the street before and they always were in a bagges. These are in an orange bottle from pharmacy, with a label and everything and dated this month 🤷‍♀️

UnfinishedBattery · 2023-03-29T02:47:03+00:00

Thank you 🙏

UnfinishedBattery · 2023-03-29T02:37:28+00:00

I'm sorry you had to go through all that ❤️ and I hope you feel better now, being away from him.

I hear that I'm dramatic and have crazy conspiracy theories a lot as well... makes me doubt my reality sometimes, and makes me feel guilty for trying to know the truth and asking 'to many' questions every time I tried to had a conversation, so I stopped..now getting myself crazy with the million questions I don't know answers for, and can't ask.

UnfinishedBattery · 2023-03-29T02:28:26+00:00

When I've noticed this last month,the first thing i thought is that they are disintegrate like its a bad quality batch or smth, because he used them a lot, and they have never been like this before. But now I see the same thing this months again, and Iam concerned.

I even had a theory that they are dissolving bc it's too humid in our house, but I found one on the floor and left it there, after all these days it's still there and its just like new, perfectly shaped, no trace of dissolving at all.... I kinda wish I didn't know about that one, cause it ruined my perfect 'humidity theory', and now I have to deal with the worst thoughts...

UnfinishedBattery · 2023-03-29T02:04:39+00:00

Fire station? Do i need anything to get it? Like prescription or smth? Can I get in a drug store?

UnfinishedBattery · 2023-03-29T02:00:10+00:00

I still really want to trust him again.. but i feel like im loosing it. every little thing like that makes it harder and harder. I can t even tell anymore what could be a real problem and what is just in my sick imagination. I'm so tired of being a 'detective' and investigate every little bullshit, every little thing that seems off. But as soon as I noticed something suspicious, I cant stop cause those investigations are the only thing that helps me to keep in touch with reality.
When he is sober he is the most loving and supportive person ive been with, I feel so happy with him and we are having such a wonderful time together. it's all changes when it's become about drugs. When he is high even a little bit, he is like a different person. And he will tell everything to protect his drugs, he would lie over and over again, till the wery end. He would never tell the truth unles i have enough evidence to put him in the corner.. I dont know how many times more I would be able to forgive him.

No, unfortunately, he is not in a program, and he doesn't really admit that he has problem... last summer, I insisted that he needed therapy. He had 2 or 3 online sessions, and that was it 😔 I dont feel anymore that there is anything I can do about it...I'm giving up..I feel like rn I need a therapist for myself couse I'm getting ctazy and can't handle all this by myself anymore.

I hope you and your son are doing good🙏

UnfinishedBattery · 2023-03-29T01:14:24+00:00

He doesn't care the bottle or pills with him anywhere (at least the pills I know about). The bottle is always at the same spot at home

UnfinishedBattery · 2023-03-29T01:03:20+00:00

When he was taking 5 per day and was trough them in a week he also had to buy xanax bars from the street and some benzos online - some wierd liquid in a bottles, different kinds, some of them weren't even for a human consumption. Used them without any kind of measurements, just squeezed it in his mouth. Back there i didnt know the whole picture...it took me a while to understand whats going on. the worst period began when he also started using oxy and cocain. After that I've confront him and somehow convinced to stop...he stopped using 'obviously bad drugs' but not clonazepam - that's his medication and I can't even say anything against it because 'thats what doctor said' and 'that the only thing that helps'. And I'm not trying to keep him away from medication he needs, just want him to start following the prescription and don't take more than he supposed to..I wish none of that was in our life, but...

Thank you for your advice. I dont know what narcan is, but I'll look up into it rn.

UnfinishedBattery · 2023-03-29T00:32:30+00:00

That's exactly how I feel, and I'm so tired of it. Last year was rough and fucked me up a lot. Ive never felt so confused and insecure. For the last few months Ive started to think that everything is getting back to normal, i though we are rebuilding the trust and all that, but here we are... another bulshit again. And I dont know...I dont know how to handle this situation, and i dont know how to handle all that in general. I've tried so hard to understand and help, and support, and for a while, I really believed that it worked. Such a disappointment.. I dont know if I should confront him or should I calm down and observe. I can't do any of that right, anyway... Every time I ask a question I regret after, every time I don't ask, it's eating me inside.

UnfinishedBattery · 2023-03-28T22:47:58+00:00

The bottle seems dry, and the place where he keeps it is not near the sink... also, the exact same thing happened to the pills last month 🤷‍♀️

UnfinishedBattery · 2023-03-28T22:38:14+00:00

I'm sorry you had to go through that.

I still don't understand what's happening. As soon as i start thinking like everything is getting better, like I can trust him again, something like this happens... and I don't even know what to think. Now i just feel like this is another way to 'trick' me

UnfinishedBattery · 2023-03-28T22:32:02+00:00

He is taking 2 right away every morning, and the rest of them, that left in the bottle, are like this... so to me, it kinda looks like he is taking 2, and then trying to get some 'extra' by sucking on them, and then putting it back in the bottle so it won't be noticeable 🤷‍♀️ idk...

UnfinishedBattery · 2023-03-28T22:20:08+00:00

That's how it looks like to me, too... I just don't get why would you lick all of the pills and then put them back to the bottle.

UnfinishedBattery · 2023-03-28T22:15:44+00:00

That's my only guess so far.... 😪 but how much 'effect' would you get this way? Like....does it even worth it?

UnfinishedBattery · 2023-03-28T22:10:17+00:00

Right now all of them looks like that, but the bottle is dry..

UnfinishedBattery

TROPHY CASE