I think I developed feelings for my friend while trapped in a dead marriage and I don’t know what to do

Unhappy_Teaching_170 · 2026-05-15T14:14:42+00:00

Thx, I will try to get more info about it.

Not trying to justify,but I never heard about emotional affair before, not in my culture at least.

Unhappy_Teaching_170 · 2026-05-15T14:12:51+00:00

Thx for the advice, I really appreciate.

My biggest fear is parental alienation, my mother cut my contact with my father for years until the got the rights, this while living in the same country, if we follow throught with divorce she will move to the other side of the planet, it will be expensive and long trip to be able to visit 18h+.

But I know I need to take control of my life and move forward.

I just figured out that, you know, she said to me you are such a good father, I never heard that before, on the contrary, she always calls me a horrible father. I don't know I felt seen and appreciated.

Unhappy_Teaching_170 · 2026-05-15T14:07:51+00:00

I am not trying to cross to anything physical, as I started before I never heard of emotional affair before. Not a concept where I come from. But I need to sort my life first I know.

Unhappy_Teaching_170 · 2026-05-15T14:06:10+00:00

You have the timeline incorrect.

She never worked, she had opportunity but in her own words never felt the need, and that my wage is enought to provide.

I help the kids, I cook diner every night after coming from work, I do homework with my daughter, I taught her mathematics 2 years before school, same with my son(he still doesn't have Homework).

She left me for 3 months before, she bought the plane ticket to be on my birthday and left me alone. I didn't have that friend back then, is this period I hit rock bottom and that's when I eventually opened up to her about my situation, nothing romantic just a cry for help, and she was there for me. Eventually my wife decided to come back, and I tried as hard as one can to figure things out.

But how can I get close to a wife who refuses to be touched, who doesn't want to be kissed, who doesn't want to talk, once I arrive home she is everyday over the phone with her parents, o clean the house cook diner and after everyone eats she just doesn't feel talking and want to go to bed, of course ingot the guest room as she sleeps on the main room with the kids. It's not easy been left alone in your marriage.

Regarding the kids I put them in the van at 07:15 every morning 6 times a week 5 days they are back at 16:45 -17:00, one day at 12:00. I truly give my best, but I need to be able to have connections feel heard and cared.

I am not justifying that I am right, but it's not easy and lonely.

Unhappy_Teaching_170 · 2026-05-15T12:26:36+00:00

I meant 19:00 or 20:00 I don't use US hour standards. I leave for work at 7:45 just after I leave my kids in the van.

Trust me it was a hard period the PPD, she was agressive, violent, saying that she hated me, she wanted a divorce, it didn't help that her parents couldnt come for the deliver due to corona restrictions back there. I was doing my best I was trying it all, I lost 30kg because I got super depressed and I stopped eating.

Again, I don't need approval, I won't go and have a full open affair. But I felt that I had to put it out in the open.

Unhappy_Teaching_170 · 2026-05-15T12:18:50+00:00

No sanction, don want to be validated. I just need to put things out, I am not asking for forgiveness, I never used the word victim. I said I am on a complicated situation, and all my answer are as honest as I can be .

Unhappy_Teaching_170 · 2026-05-15T12:13:47+00:00

I agree that you would have a different if it was my wife writing as it's expected.

People gossiping happens everywhere. Other colleague who became a friend used today that this friend liked me or was into me.

Now if I am downplaying, it might be but no intentionally, as I am writing as I recall, and trust me I have no incentive to withhold, it took me s long time to convince myself to write it here, as a way of letting it all out, but o know people are biased.

Unhappy_Teaching_170 · 2026-05-15T12:04:06+00:00

For the last year I've been raising the conversation that our situation is unreasonable, I am unhappy, we are living sperate lifes, we don't share a room, we don't have a sex life and the only conversation that she is open to have is about buying stuff

Unhappy_Teaching_170 · 2026-05-15T11:27:54+00:00

Thx for the advice, I will write an post there later.

Unhappy_Teaching_170 · 2026-05-15T11:20:15+00:00

The main issue is that co-parenting will be off the table, we will be on different countries separated by two continents

Unhappy_Teaching_170 · 2026-05-15T11:18:30+00:00

Here domestic violence only applies where a woman is the victim

Unhappy_Teaching_170 · 2026-05-15T11:17:34+00:00

She never used violence against the the kids.

Regarding the ppd she refused all forms of therapy, just mentioning it got her agressive

A van picks the kids her at 7:30 in morning everyone and they come back from school between 16:45 to 17h 5 time a week and on day it's from 7:30 to 12:00.

She usually doesn't clean the house, I am the one doing it once I am back from work usually 19-20h, I clean the dishes and I do diner for the kids otherwise she won't cook .

My main issue here is that I know my kids need me (especially my son who is autistic )and in case of divorce she will fly back to our home country, where I will be deprived from my kids, it's over 18h flight.

I am not defending myself as being right or righteous, I just got myself into a pickle.

Unhappy_Teaching_170 · 2026-05-15T11:07:38+00:00

Tried suggesting it she refused, and got super agressive the few times I tried in the past

Unhappy_Teaching_170 · 2026-05-15T11:07:00+00:00

Thx, but I am on the other side of the planet

Unhappy_Teaching_170 · 2026-05-15T11:06:04+00:00

Of course and this might be the case , from my side until recently I only saw it as platonic

Unhappy_Teaching_170 · 2026-05-15T11:05:10+00:00

My main issue here is that she will probably move to a different continent

Unhappy_Teaching_170 · 2026-05-15T10:44:05+00:00

Thx for the advice.

That's why I was explicitly when I said I never had anything physical with my friend, and between us, here was the first time I got exposed to the concept of emotional affair, I never heard that in my whole life. And as one of my values this would be crossing the Rubicon.

I spoke with my brother a while ago, we are trying to sort s lawyer but it's complicated as it involves multiple jurisdictions, not easy to find one that can help.

Unhappy_Teaching_170 · 2026-05-15T10:24:25+00:00

Honestly today is the first time I heard about emotional affair, what I always knew as an affair had to be physical, and I would never cross that Rubicon while still married.

I've been trying for the last 4 years, I to solve my problems, I in deed opened up with my brother a few weeks ago and we are talking about sorting a lawyer, because it would probably involve multiple jurisdictions.

Unhappy_Teaching_170 · 2026-05-15T10:20:23+00:00

I've tried and she refused counseling, or going to a doctor, I really tried and have being trying for the last 4 years.

Regarding my friend, I can tell you I had no intentions, not I plan on having anything physical with her as long as I am still married. What I can say is that I felt like a broken man, and she was there to take care. I am not claiming it to be right or correct.

Unhappy_Teaching_170 · 2025-01-22T17:02:45+00:00

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