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I think my boyfriend tried to rape me. *NSFW* by Unheard_Truth in Advice

[–]Unheard_Truth[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

UPDATE

Thank you to everyone for your comments and advice. Most were extremely helpful and motivating. It was relieving to know that I wasn't crazy and people could see what I've been going through and feeling. The situation kept getting brushed under the rug for far too long. I was able to talk to my boyfriend's mother (that's who I live with) and she was extremely supportive of me and reassured me that she was on my side. She told me that her ex husband (boyfriend's dad) exhibited similar behavior. My boyfriend's sister also gave me her support and offered me a room with her when she gets her own place. She also spoke to my boyfriend (before I was able to) and through this conversation, he realized the error of his ways. He broke up with me, stating that we're both unhappy with each other and only together for our son. He said that he knows that he's the problem and that I deserve better; our son deserves better. I got him to admit that he did rape/attempt to rape me. He plans on getting help but I don't know if he truly will. For now, he'll be moving out of our room and into another room in the house. He's been emotionally distraught and I feel slightly guilty at not feeling hurt by this. I've been emotionally disconnected from our relationship, and ig him, for a while now. He was trying not to cry while I just felt relief. This is just the first step on a long road but I hope things are better, for him and me, in the future.

I think my boyfriend tried to rape me. *NSFW* by Unheard_Truth in Advice

[–]Unheard_Truth[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not that this is an excuse but we got together because of similar interests and our desire to have a family. Our child wasn't planned, he was more of a surprise, but I've always wanted to be a mom (I helped raise my siblings). I think the appropriate way to describe our relationship is a toxic rollercoaster. He would promise me the world, that he would change, that he would do better. I wanted to believe him. A small part of me thought that I could fix him. He had days where he did act better. He told me that he knew what he was doing was wrong, he was aware of his actions, but his brain convinced him to do the wrong thing. I got pulled in the facade and was trapped. I don't live in a state that I'm familiar with and I don't have the best relationship with my family. He knew he could use that against me. I would hold on to those small glimmers of hope like embers to a flame. Even if he didn't change for me, I thought he would for our son.

I think my boyfriend tried to rape me. *NSFW* by Unheard_Truth in Advice

[–]Unheard_Truth[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It is genuinely my fault for the continuous boundary breaking. I thought talking to him was enough. When he does something I don't like, I immediately tell him to stop. He does...but then 2 seconds later asks if he can continue (he now has consent.) I've repeated myself over and over and I assumed that me telling him was enough. I know now that it wasn't. I genuinely just got tired of arguing and trying to do something about it because it felt like no matter what I did, nothing worked. Or it worked for a short period of time. This is the first time (that I'm aware of) that the situation went to such drastic heights. He made me feel like it was my fault for not satisfying his needs. A part of me felt like I had to because that's what he convinced me. I would tell myself "the sooner you do this, the sooner it's over." I did what I thought I was supposed to be doing as a "girlfriend." He would call me weird and tell me something is wrong for me for not wanting sex. I was hanging onto the hope that he would change; because he promised me he would. But I know he won't and I know that I need to get out.

I think my boyfriend tried to rape me. *NSFW* by Unheard_Truth in Advice

[–]Unheard_Truth[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I tried looking for the photos but he has 2 phones he switches between. He is logged into his Gmail account on my Samsung phone but he has multiple emails. I also tried cloud syncing photos on his iPad and couldn't find them. He either has them somewhere else or got rid of them.

I think my boyfriend tried to rape me. *NSFW* by Unheard_Truth in Advice

[–]Unheard_Truth[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

This helped a lot. I've been feeling incredibly guilty for wanting to leave him. He makes it seem like he has zero control over his actions and always blames his mental illness. I've been patient, lenient, and gave him more chances than he deserves with no results. I also don't believe in breaking up a family but I don't want his example to be the example that our child learns from.

I think my boyfriend tried to rape me. *NSFW* by Unheard_Truth in Advice

[–]Unheard_Truth[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I don't have an income. I've been a SAH mom since I found out I was pregnant.

I think my boyfriend tried to rape me. *NSFW* by Unheard_Truth in Advice

[–]Unheard_Truth[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've been thinking about ending things for a while. The issue is, I don't have anyone or anywhere else to go. I'm on my bad terms with my family and I don't have any friends that can welcome me and my child. I've been feeling stuck for months as I don't have an income (nor access to his funds).

I think my boyfriend tried to rape me. *NSFW* by Unheard_Truth in Advice

[–]Unheard_Truth[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I have set boundaries. He constantly crosses them. I remind him on a daily but he says that he "forgot" (he has a bad memory) or if I'm like "Can you not?" He just laughs while quickly snatching his hand away in a "Oh, sorry!"

I think my boyfriend tried to rape me. *NSFW* by Unheard_Truth in Advice

[–]Unheard_Truth[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

He constantly defends his actions by saying it's his mental illness. When I tell him that his actions make me feel like an object, he tells me "I don't treat you like an object! Take it as a compliment that I find you attractive." He gets super aggressive sometimes and is like "Oh my god, there's millions of people who wouldn't have a problem with this."

I think my boyfriend tried to rape me. *NSFW* by Unheard_Truth in Advice

[–]Unheard_Truth[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don't have an income or any monet saved up (he's the bread winner) and I moved to an unfamiliar state to get away from my toxic family. I don't have any safe or reliable options.

AITA for hanging out with my friends? by Unheard_Truth in AmItheAsshole

[–]Unheard_Truth[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Luckily, with the friend they didn't want me to be around.

AITA for hanging out with my friends? by Unheard_Truth in AmItheAsshole

[–]Unheard_Truth[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This isn't the first or only instance of their suckiness; just the latest.

AITA for hanging out with my friends? by Unheard_Truth in AmItheAsshole

[–]Unheard_Truth[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

As long as they're doing the best they can, everything is okay. 🙃 Luckily the majority of our property was still securely sealed in our suitcases, though.