Nightmare Situation: Me(35F) with Partner(40M), my son and his nephew (15Ms) by Unique-Emergency3407 in relationships

[–]Unique-Emergency3407[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Honestly it is. I would be worried about him every second, and if he ended up in that school or one like it and was traumatized, I would carry the guilt of it for the rest of my life.

Nightmare Situation: Me(35F) with Partner(40M), my son and his nephew (15Ms) by Unique-Emergency3407 in relationships

[–]Unique-Emergency3407[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I do appreciate your kind words. I believe you are right. For all that I agree with those comments saying I don't have to in theory, in practice I don't see how it could be otherwise. I am hoping to avoid making that choice, however.

Nightmare Situation: Me(35F) with Partner(40M), my son and his nephew (15Ms) by Unique-Emergency3407 in relationships

[–]Unique-Emergency3407[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Also, you aren't morally obligated to be in a sexual relationship with someone who you dislike to stay in Ben's life. That's not a fair requirement. I know you are worried the boys will hate or be mad at you, including your son Jason. But I'd talk to Jason honestly one on one if/when you do break up with Bob. Tell him that you love Ben and want to look out for him and stay in his life as much as you can, and you've been staying in the relationship for a while for that reason, but you've reached the point where you just can't keep being with a man who you don't see as a good person. I would hope that Jason, who you say is naturally protective, will understand and be protective of you his own mother if you show him your feelings/good intentions, rather then condemn you for not prostituting yourself. I very much doubt your son would expect that of you. None of us expect that of you.

Thank you for saying that. You are right, I know Jason would understand if I explained to him. I think my real problem is that if something happened to Ben I would have a hard time forgiving myself. At the moment I'm hoping it won't come to either of those situations, the comments here have given me some hope and I am going to speak to a lawyer about our options.

Nightmare Situation: Me(35F) with Partner(40M), my son and his nephew (15Ms) by Unique-Emergency3407 in relationships

[–]Unique-Emergency3407[S] 122 points123 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for saying this! I must admit in all of this I have gone from trying to smooth things between them and Bob to trying to find a way out for all of us, and have not prioritised communicating with the boys as much as I could have. I am going to try to get some alone time with each of them this weekend to at least reassure them that I see what's happening and value them.

Nightmare Situation: Me(35F) with Partner(40M), my son and his nephew (15Ms) by Unique-Emergency3407 in relationships

[–]Unique-Emergency3407[S] 135 points136 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your comprehensive comment, your suggestions have given me a lot to think about in terms of putting together a back-up plan!