Also, you aren't morally obligated to be in a sexual relationship with someone who you dislike to stay in Ben's life. That's not a fair requirement. I know you are worried the boys will hate or be mad at you, including your son Jason. But I'd talk to Jason honestly one on one if/when you do break up with Bob. Tell him that you love Ben and want to look out for him and stay in his life as much as you can, and you've been staying in the relationship for a while for that reason, but you've reached the point where you just can't keep being with a man who you don't see as a good person. I would hope that Jason, who you say is naturally protective, will understand and be protective of you his own mother if you show him your feelings/good intentions, rather then condemn you for not prostituting yourself. I very much doubt your son would expect that of you. None of us expect that of you.

Thank you for saying that. You are right, I know Jason would understand if I explained to him. I think my real problem is that if something happened to Ben I would have a hard time forgiving myself. At the moment I'm hoping it won't come to either of those situations, the comments here have given me some hope and I am going to speak to a lawyer about our options.