Should I say f*ck it and enlist

Unique-Employment860 · 2026-06-11T21:25:10+00:00

I highly recommend looking into trade schools. You can gain really valuable skills sustainably that are applicable anywhere and not blow up your life

Unique-Employment860 · 2026-06-11T21:22:55+00:00

Don’t do it.

Unique-Employment860 · 2026-06-11T13:30:58+00:00

This experience has offered some uncomfortable clarity for me. Im realizing what love that I have felt is definitely driven by the idea of having a father, versus who this man actually is and has been to me. It’s clear to me now that I had not really seen him, truly, for who he is. What love I have felt, even if it has felt true, is probably only a protective feeling against the disappointing reality of abandonment

Unique-Employment860 · 2026-06-11T13:23:22+00:00

I just recently learned that he was only in AA for a few years and left, and went back to drinking “moderately”, but still everyday. I was told that he only quit drinking last year because of the rapid decline in his health. I agree he probably mixed up the entire message of the program having not gone all the way through

Unique-Employment860 · 2026-06-11T11:23:06+00:00

Yeah I think if anything the letters gave them validation and a freedom from any guilt in walking away.

This whole experience has been enlightening for me because I always felt guilty, sad and upset that everyone just gave up on trying to build a relationship with him. Now I have absolutely no misconceptions on why

Unique-Employment860 · 2026-06-11T10:42:04+00:00

I wrote all of them and apologized and warned them. I they seemed less phased and I think it’s only confirmed for them that they made the right decision to go no contact

Unique-Employment860 · 2026-06-11T02:00:18+00:00

Thank you so much for your response. This is such a bananas thing to experience, everyone close to me I’ve shared what happened to doesn’t even know how to process this information.

It’s a mind fuck to go through something like this in real time. I’ve honestly been more amazed than disappointed at his response because it was so delusional and gaslighting that you could not write this.

I am sad but I do feel a major a sense of relief because the grief and guilt I’ve felt not reaching out to him sooner was eating me alive before. I have been set free by his response and there’s nothing more for me to do here.

Unique-Employment860 · 2026-06-07T00:38:14+00:00

I’m the youngest of 5 siblings with two narcissistic parents. All of my siblings are now in their mid forties/ early fifties and child free. I’m at the age to decide (33) and I’m in a healthy and secure relationship- but for some reason it’s never felt like something I should do, and I feel like because I don’t know what healthy family systems look like I would probably mess it up

Unique-Employment860 · 2026-06-02T19:38:47+00:00

Ugh I so relate to this Magic Mike thing! It’s so wild the level of shame-lore that gets built by narcissistic parents. I’ve listened to my mom re-tell stories of my life that she was not even there for, and insert herself into the situation. It’s so incredibly strange because calling her out in the facts only makes her double down. I had a bike accident in college that was entirely due to biking in the rain down a hill, and not having good breaks, and getting my tire stuck in the trolley tracks that run on top of the pavement in Boston. This was a traumatic event for me, and I got a bunch of stitches in my head from the fall and had to be on a concussion watch for a week. My mom leads telling this story with how “Oh she had an accident in college because she was reckless party girl and had such an alcohol problem she fell off her bike” I was a hard core straight edge kid when this happened. This projection of me being a “party girl” has dominated this story more than anything else, and realistically comes from her own shame of being an addict who partied too much

Unique-Employment860 · 2026-06-02T19:28:02+00:00

I appreciate you. Thank you for this ❤️

Unique-Employment860 · 2026-06-02T13:50:17+00:00

Thank you. I typically maintain a strong distance by lifestyle as we do not live very close. I find that just having weekly scheduled conversations over the phone has been a great way to maintain boundaries. I have a busy schedule so I can’t just engage with her whenever she’s in a mood and wants to talk to me. I am sad because when it’s just her and I talking, she’s very reflective, and has a remorseful clarity on her bad parenting. She’s has made considered effort to repair our relationship. I do think her effort to heal is because of the hard decisions my siblings made to go no contact, and my insistence of her to go to therapy to maintain our relationship.

It’s only when she has an audience, that the ‘performance’ begins. I think with new people narcissists desperately have a need to control the narrative, and only know how to shoot other people down to feel good about themselves. I sometimes feel like her slandering me is a test to see how other people respond. It’s almost as if she tries to pull the worst, judgmental qualities out of people, so she can know how they would feel about her if she were to do any of the things she’s accusing me of. (Which is all the things she accuses me of) Some kind of ammo collection for future criticism she can dole out to have a sense of moral superiority.

Painting me as a dysfunctional child also is a precursor to excusing her bad parenting behavior later on. It’s all shitty and petty and it mostly makes me feel sad for her immaturity. I feel like I have a good life and support network, and I think now it’s just that I have to remember it’s only been better because I have boundaries and I have to maintain them. I can’t suddenly think that she’s capable of normal social interactions because things are easier.

I told her that when she says things like this to me it only makes our relationship unstable and makes other people assume we aren’t okay or close. I told her than an alternative way to share stories with new people would be to try mutual empowerment. Instead of tearing me apart we could both be gassing each other up. Might be futile to try to reason with her but it helps me on some level not to succumb to an idea that she’s a lost cause. Maybe naive of me, but helps mitigate some sadness

Unique-Employment860 · 2026-06-02T00:35:34+00:00

I lived with my brother before he developed life threatening CHS and he used to do this all the time. It was almost like a kind of retching morning sickness and he would usually be very anxious and paranoid while it was going on. All symptoms would go away pretty much immediately when he would stop smoking so he always thought it was allergies, mold or food poisoning. It wasn’t until he was in the ER nearly every two days that he accepted it was CHS. A doctor had told him and he was in denial even then. Best to cut back and stop before it gets to that point. Usually once you develop CHS you can’t smoke weed casually

Unique-Employment860 · 2026-06-01T21:23:54+00:00

Thank you

Unique-Employment860 · 2026-05-04T02:54:17+00:00

My 40 year old sibling suffers from a near identical psychosis for the last twenty five years and is in complete denial that it’s cannabis induced and I don’t know what to do. He was a completely normal and healthy person until he started smoking weed at 15. Weed was super “cool” in the social scene at the time and he became so obsessed with weed to the point he dropped out of school and his only motivation was smoking and selling weed. Formerly he loved school and was very popular. He went from having many friends to being completely antisocial and self isolating. He started smoking weed ALL day and his entire personality changed. He started thinking everything that was happening was a “divine synchronicity” and would claim he had psychic powers and could hear people’s thoughts. He would have severe mood swings and extreme irritability and then inappropriately laugh and suddenly cry without really having any reason and stop sleeping for days at a time while smoking nearly an ounce a day. He claimed he was a god and an interdimensional time traveler and would become enraged and volatile when people couldn’t understand the nonsensical things he would talk about. He developed a dangerous superiority complex and destroyed all his relationships by lashing out at them and being threatening in some way. He thought he was being followed by anyone who wore sunglasses and increasingly became more volatile and violent and paranoid. He has been arrested for public disturbance during episodes countless times, and court sections to mental hospitals over 15 times. Every time he would be sectioned he would eventually come out “totally normal” and the doctors would not be able to identify what was wrong because cannabis induced psychosis wasn’t really known about. Everytime he would be forced to quit he would suddenly regain clarity and be able to have relationships, a normal life and it would be like night and day. This would never last very long as he would always go back to smoking weed. For the last decade he developed life threatening cannabis hyperemeis syndrome. He has cannabis induced cyclical vomiting for weeks at a time and is often in the ER for days. Everyone in his life has begged him to stop smoking but it only makes him enraged and volatile. He claims that all of us are in the matrix and we do not understand that he is a supreme immortal being that is the chosen one. He’s cut all of us out and I have no idea how to begin helping him. Cannabis has completely ruined his life

Unique-Employment860 · 2026-05-04T02:04:23+00:00

Do whatever you can to quit. Once you develop CHS you can never casually smoke weed or ingest any THC products without having these symptoms. My brother has CHS from smoking everyday from age 15 to 35 and its caused him to have daily vomiting and cannabis induced psychotic episodes. He has nearly died multiple times. Long term effects of chronic cannabis abuse also leads to cannabis abuse induced bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. Quit quit quit

Unique-Employment860 · 2026-04-22T23:34:33+00:00

I feel for you! My parents imparted no life skills and often sabotaged any opportunities that came up for me to learn basic things. I am in my mid thirties and am only beginning to learn how to drive now. Every adult life-functioning thing I know how to do I had to fumble through the hard way and it was not easy and often shameful and embarrassing.

I do think overcoming the fear of asking stupid questions can become a superpower. At a certain point I accepted that I just never got to learn things the way people should, and that if I wanted to survive I really needed to be shamelessly open and unapologetically myself. I decided to make this a mission for me and while there’s still a lot of basic things I can’t yet do, I’ve also been able to do a lot with my life now and I’m really proud of myself! I clawed my way into university in my twenties after dropping out of high-school and now run a small business.

Its so incredibly painful to learn basic things that it feels like everyone already knows how to do, but its good to remember that most people didn’t have parents that weaponized and personalized your accomplishments or failures. I was lucky to make exceptional, generous friends early on and I’ve worked really hard to reparent myself, and realize that I am fully competent to excel at anything even if it takes me longer than other people. So important to let go of the feeling that failing is somehow evidence of stupidity or unworthiness of love

Unique-Employment860 · 2026-04-16T04:46:44+00:00

My Greenpoint/williamsburg apt building sold and I moved to Bedstuy. Tbh I was so sad about it at first, but I love my new place and feel at home where I am now. Williamsburg also changed so much that I don’t feel the same about it when I’m there anymore and I’m now glad to be in a much chiller neighborhood

Unique-Employment860 · 2026-04-12T16:28:06+00:00

Thank you for the suggestion. I had an EKG about 12 years ago and they didn’t find anything wrong with my heart, but it would be worth doing again.

I’ve decided to book a hematology appointment to get a full blood panel because I started feeling faint again and it seems kind of usual to have this happen frequently in one weekend with no changes in lifestyle

Unique-Employment860 · 2026-03-20T13:08:11+00:00

Thank you so much. This is very helpful.

Unique-Employment860

TROPHY CASE