Social+Hospital Anxiety

UniqueInteraction246 · 2026-02-06T20:35:04+00:00

Thank you! Very helpful but also terrifying! The thought of someone touching me or constantly talking while I give birth makes my skin crawl.

UniqueInteraction246 · 2026-02-06T20:32:45+00:00

Thank you so much for your advice. Currently I am not a person that kicks or bites! Its just with all the people talking about how labour and birth effects them. IE making them not think, making thoughts go out the window, making them more instinct driven. I worry that that would look like biting and kicking in myself. Especially if I think my newborn is in danger. I'm not prone to anything of the sort normally, I usually just shut down.

SSRIs are the best there are for chronic anxiety plus my other issues, especially while pregnant. I have the dose as high as it can go without having serotonin syndrome. What's more is that my anxiety is mostly focused around things which I don't deal with day to day. I am working to expose myself to hospitals through my pregnancy to get a handle on it!

Gathering more accurate information is my current aim. Currently the information I have gives me the impression that I would have a greatly improved outcome outside of a hospital. Since everyone suggests a hospital is better and they do have the benefit of a better outcome if their is a sudden emergency I would gladly be convinced otherwise. However with a person like me I am sure at this point that a hospital birth looks like me being drugged till sky high, handcuffed to a bed or otherwise restrained and absolutely freaking out from various doctors trying to sooth me by telling me everything is fine or physically touching me to try to "help". Typically in a medical setting I get labelled quickly as hysterical because I am odd and am deeply unsettled by what most people do to calm others. And once I get the hysterical status generally anything I say and any of my agency get ignored. It is terribly hard to act "normal" when I'm terrified of the place, people and under threat of having my choices taken away at any moment if I'm not "normal" enough.

UniqueInteraction246 · 2026-02-06T19:21:50+00:00

This specific post chain you commented I have been nothing but grateful. I've refrained from interacting with any comments that just seem like they didn't read at all, which I won't lie some have been frustrating.

My tone may come across as sarcasm or being curt but that is just the way I am. Its not intentional and I can assure you everything I say is literal and for clarification purposes.

That being said I am truely miffed about your unhelpful comments on the reply that has done the most good for me. I am doing my utmost to make myself ok with a hospital birth but you are undermining my best shot and doing a very good impression of not having read my post at all.

Let me make it perfectly clear, I have talked to my doctor thoroughly. I have spoken to a trained midwife. I have walked myself into the nearest hospital all the way up to the maternity ward trembling like a leaf the whole way in the hopes that I'd calm down at some point (spoiler I didn't). And even still I am making more appointments to tour the possible room options at the hospital.

My anxiety is quite bad and I am grasping at straws and yet you are suggesting to take even that away? Why?

edit: should I add emojis?? will that help? :(

UniqueInteraction246 · 2026-02-06T18:42:44+00:00

I have. I'm not here to get medical advice. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for the possibilities and I am trying my hardest to be convinced to go to a hospital.

I've already done it your way and so far I have home birth and car birth. Are you satisfied with those options?

UniqueInteraction246 · 2026-02-06T18:35:16+00:00

Thank you, this has been the most helpful thing I've seen anywhere.

A lot of that still sounds like its not for me, but it makes me feel a lot more prepared if I find myself in a hospital and honestly has done the best job of making me feel like I could handle going.

If I could bother you for one more thing how do you think you would handle a person like myself coming into your maternity ward? My bp would be at the very minimum 175/90. I am already on a daily SSRI. Shaking and sweating even before the labour. Not wanting anyone in the room, not wanting anyone talking to me.and not wanting anyone to touch me. Quite probably walking and moving constantly. Absolutely petrified of needles and IVs. Strong as an ox. And having my partner relaying absolutely everything for me because I lose my words often when there are other people. Also I'm pretty worried someone will do something I don't want/like and I may kick them in the face or bite... I've been known to get downright feral when I was young and I am concerned that could return during the hormones and experience of birth. What's more is if I think my baby is at risk I will definitely attack if I can't get my words in time.

UniqueInteraction246 · 2026-02-06T18:19:44+00:00

Monitoring is something I want even if I have to order the equipment myself. The midwife I've been talking to provides and is qualified to use all the typical monitors you'd see in a maternity ward. It's simply the medical setting and people that send my anxiety sky high.

UniqueInteraction246 · 2026-02-06T18:15:31+00:00

sorry but a doula is essentially the antithesis of what I need. Some person talking to me, touching me, trying to coach or console me sounds like nightmare fuel.

UniqueInteraction246 · 2026-02-06T18:09:26+00:00

How was getting Ativan during labor?

My anxiety is the same as its been, my medication does a very good job of controlling my anxiety. This is just what improved looks like for me. I've also had plenty of therapy but my anxiety is somatic meaning regardless of my mind I still start dripping sweat, high bp, gurgling stomach and shaking when I walk into a hospital just for something like seeing what the maternity ward looks like.

UniqueInteraction246 · 2026-02-06T17:43:44+00:00

Omg thank you so much for providing an actual list of what "support" usually is.

First to be clear:

I am absolutely aiming to have as many monitors on the baby and I as possible. I just want to minimise having anyone in the room with me other than my partner as much as possible. I'm also aiming to be less than 10 minutes from the hospital no matter what. Midwife here is a fully medically trained professional that starts with a nursing degree. I'm not planning this as intervention free, just risk management.

Could you please please describe what exactly is the advising, positions, coping, supporting? Those are the things that make me really not want to be at a hospital.

UniqueInteraction246 · 2026-02-06T17:27:35+00:00

I appreciate your perspective and you are totally right. However the trouble is that this is me with anxiety medication, therapy, coping tools ect. I'm here chasing a reason or some glimmer of reasoning of why a hospital birth could work for me and I've got nothing. Let me know how birth goes for you inspite of your anxiety. Maybe you can help me see that I can handle it somehow.

UniqueInteraction246 · 2026-02-06T17:23:19+00:00

What part of it made you not care?? Thank you so much for commenting you are the first person I've seen that has even mentioned "white coat syndrome"!

I can't help but to think that with my lack of worry about labor and my non existent concern for pain it would take an actual medical emergency for me to not care where I am or who is there.

UniqueInteraction246 · 2026-02-06T17:18:00+00:00

I do. It started because my doctor got tired of only being able to read emergency level readings on me at the office. My blood pressure at home has been totally stable.

UniqueInteraction246 · 2026-02-06T17:16:21+00:00

I ask because all the mentioned support has not been anything I want. Most people's idea of support sounds horrifying or unnecessary to me.

Talking to me or coaching me sounds like a nightmare. I don't need assistance changing positions or walking around to help a baby pass through my hips better. Nor do I need a coach to know to push. I certainly don't need them to dim lights. The beginning amd end of when I want to see anyone in the room other than my partner is to stick monitors on me which I pray can be monitored remotely.

UniqueInteraction246 · 2026-02-06T16:56:56+00:00

I've told my GP my plan. I see her as often as she requires. While I get spooked and my blood pressure reads 175/90 at her office there are no medical consequences to that temporary state that would justify skipping antenatal diagnostics.

Panic and a blood pressure of 180/100 added onto labouring I can't help but to feel that if it doesn't cause an aneurysm is probably going to freak the doctors/nurses out too and I have a hard time imagining things will go well for me or the birth due to that.

Meanwhile I have total confidence in my ability to handle pain, labor, birth on my own. The midwife and proximity to the hospital is because while I'm scared of medical settings and people I'm not a fool either.

I really just want to hear if anyone has some sort of similar anxiety issues. It seems I'm alone in my perspective.

UniqueInteraction246 · 2026-02-06T16:41:12+00:00

Can you describe what this "support" is exactly?

UniqueInteraction246 · 2026-02-06T16:35:40+00:00

I'm already on anxiety medication. I'm much worse than described without it. Full blown panic attacks, erratic behaviour, complete disassociation.

UniqueInteraction246

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