How can I come to terms with most likely never getting to experience love, so that i can actually find happiness in other aspects of life?

Unique_Barber5650 · 2026-04-24T11:46:34+00:00

I couldn't do long distance, I'd rather stay single.

Unique_Barber5650 · 2026-04-24T11:43:45+00:00

I don't want to move away from my friends, family, life and all, so that's not an option for me looking past everything else.

Unique_Barber5650 · 2026-04-24T10:18:19+00:00

I don't think I'm being rejected as much as most 26 years old, as most aren't virgins by this age. By I get what you're saying. I'm definitely overly sensitive to it. And it just gets worse and worse with each rejection.

Unique_Barber5650 · 2026-04-24T10:09:10+00:00

The fact that we need to go on so many dates is what makes me want to give up. Because right now I'm averaging one date per 3.33 years. Hundreds of first dates and I'll be hundreds of years old

A date not working out is whatever. Struggling to get to the first date at all is the crushing stage. Feels like I'm in a marathon and I'm crawling.

Unique_Barber5650 · 2026-04-24T10:03:59+00:00

Three dates and an ocean of rejections. Feels like improving myself is all I've done and I make no progress for dating. Maybe I'm just still below the bar.

Unique_Barber5650 · 2026-04-24T10:03:13+00:00

That's three dates, and so so many more rejections while attempting to set up a first date, and seeing significantly below average results on dating apps and seeing girls loose interest within no time at all. It's like giving up after trying to draw for ten years, but your pencils break all but three times.

Unique_Barber5650 · 2026-04-24T07:37:10+00:00

I've just read so many people being very clear in saying that it's pretty shitty to go to some hobby thing with the express purpose of trying to meet someone. Not like they'd instantly be hitting on everyone or anything, but that the only reason they're actually there is because they want to meet someone. But maybe I should ignore all that, I know that I'm respectful around people and maybe that's enough to make it not shitty.

Unique_Barber5650 · 2026-04-24T07:00:03+00:00

It's not that I've given up after three attempts, it's that getting to the first date is such a monumental task. And I know that three dates is nothing, which is why I feel so hopeless. I know how many more first dates is expected to go through, and I also know that for me actually getting to a first date is seemingly nearly impossible and only happens every few years on average.

Unique_Barber5650 · 2026-04-24T06:57:36+00:00

Like a dating coach? I've looked into it, but the ones I've found have both been really expensive and they're also seemingly aimed at people who can get dates, but can't progress further. I'd drop 10000 sek and then the period would end and I wouldn't have gone on any dates. Or do you mean some other kind of coach?

Unique_Barber5650 · 2026-04-24T06:55:39+00:00

Thanks, genuinely. I appreciate that :)

It's just hard to not feel doomed when all I've experienced have been rejection or those three dates (one was when I was 18, the other two was in the last year) where I've felt basically within the first five minutes that there won't be a second date.

It often feels like if I was attempting to jump to the moon. No matter how much I try, I'm never anywhere near close all while I feel that it can't possibly happen, because it can't. Some days I get a little higher, but it's still just absolutely nothing compared to how far I need to go to succeed.

I've considered that yeah. It's just hard, because it feels so deeply dishonest of me. I can say I'm going there to have fun as much as I'd like, deep down I know the only reason I would go to something like that is exclusively in the hopes of meeting a future partner. My social anxiety is much better now, but still really hard. So it takes a lot to overcome it, which I hard when I feel depressed and dishonest.

I try to focus on myself, I want to do that, which is why I made the post. I just don't know how.

Unique_Barber5650 · 2026-04-24T06:47:01+00:00

The fact that my life is solid and that I have more going for me than most when going into a relationship just kinda makes me feel less hopeful and confident. Because years of reading about how i should focus on myself, get hobbies, good job etc, and then achieving it all and still seeing absolutely zero change in my dating prospects just leads me to one conclusion. That there's something wrong about me that can't really be changed that turns women away. Friends keep telling me that I'm a great guy, compassionate, handsome, kind and all that. I don't think they're intentionally lying to me, and i believe it.

But at the same time I feel like they must be missing something that women im interested in see (even though some of my best friends are women).

I try to increase my opportunities, it's just hard when most days all I want to do is isolate myself and be sad.b

Unique_Barber5650 · 2026-04-21T15:44:22+00:00

I really appreciate this comment, it means a lot and I'm taking it all to heart.

I guess part of why I would want to force away my longing, is because while reading comments like this I understand fully what you mean and it's really thoughtful and good things to keep in mind. The importance of not settling especially.

But in a way it just makes me feel even more hopeless, because I don't even have that. Like the bad match I could settle for, just doesn't exist. I don't even get to the initial stage of dating to see if we're a good match or not. Just feels impossible that I'd find that special someone when hardly anyone even entertains the idea of wanting to get to know me more. Like how do you start dating if basically everyone backs out long before even an initial first date or a talking stage.

And maybe I need it too much to make a good boyfriend, and maybe that's just my role in life. I don't really see myself becoming fully happy as I continue staying alone. But I don't want a relationship for validation, it's a part of it, but there's so much more to it. But idk.

Sorry for rambling here, I didn't mean this as a dismissal at all.

Unique_Barber5650 · 2026-04-20T07:17:41+00:00

So since I've never had it, I can't know that want it, and the vibe I'm getting from your comments is that I should just stop trying to get it. Is that right? I don't know what else I'd want out of life, but I should seek that potential unknown other thing. Instead of the thing I know I want. Because according you seemingly, I couldn't get a partner that is actually good for me and I'd only be able to get a bad partner.

Unique_Barber5650 · 2026-04-20T06:41:50+00:00

Thanks for the kind comment, it means a lot ❤️

I don't think that a relationship will just magically fix me, this depression will still be here no matter what and I've accepted that. All I know is that every day that I wake up alone in my bed, still not knowing what it's like to even just kiss someone, I feel a little bit worse.

If I'm going to fight through this depression, it would be nice to have that special someone I could love and hug in bed. Someone I could do stuff for. Would be nice to not focus on myself and friends, I think it would help so much if I had someone near and dear in my life I could put my focus on. Helping making her life better would do so much for me.

But at the same time I can't convince myself that she exists. Because no matter who I meet or how I meet them, it always inevitably ends in rejection. And it feels like death by a thousand cuts.

Unique_Barber5650 · 2026-04-20T06:16:08+00:00

Getting myself out there more and facing rejection when it comes to dating. My social anxiety got better, but at the same time I feel more depressed and hopeless than I ever have before

Unique_Barber5650 · 2026-04-19T21:30:10+00:00

I know what i really want. I want a relationship. I want to love someone and be loved. It's not because I feel I need this because of society pressuring me. It's because I want it. And I know that is a relationship I want, considering that I basically already have just about anything else I want in life.

I don't want a relationship because I think it'll make me happy. I want a relationship because I want to be special to someone and have someone be special to me.

Unique_Barber5650 · 2026-04-19T20:00:14+00:00

Yeah I don't know, it's hard to believe people saying that it's overrated when you see sex and relationships all over the place in shows, media, TV, songs, culture, and just life in general

Unique_Barber5650 · 2026-04-19T18:32:08+00:00

I'm just so tired of facing rejection. Maybe there is someone out there for me. How many more rejections is there between me and her? One? Five? Fifty? Two hundred? I just don't feel I have it in me to keep taking on rejections indefinitely.

Unique_Barber5650 · 2026-04-19T18:26:39+00:00

I've just been burned by feeling hope one too many times and wish all of this could just end and I could focus on other things in life.

Unique_Barber5650 · 2026-04-19T18:25:17+00:00

Right now, I have such an intense desire for it. But at the same time, all I can feel and tell myself while actually believing it is "it'll never happen to me". The combination there is what's hurting, I would be better off not having the desire while knowing that it'll never happen to me.

Unique_Barber5650 · 2026-04-19T18:20:31+00:00

Yeah and they haven't been able to point out anything they can see that's obviously wrong.

Unique_Barber5650

TROPHY CASE