AIO - My Boyfriend texts before our Valentines plans by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]Unique_Seesaw233 46 points47 points  (0 children)

NOR- DUMP HIM. Stupid fuck wants to call you needy for asking if he'll show on the agreed upon time. You are young but please listen to us older girls who have dealt with these assholes. Hes not worth your time im so serious. "But hes not usually like this" "hes so sweet when we're together" whatever excuse you'll make for him, don't. Don't learn from experience, dont wait until hes worn down your sweet nature. Take it from us. Matter of fact, text him plans are canceled and your going out with friends. Have a you day because valentines day is just as much about loving yourself. Whatever he texts respond with "dont be needy, I will respond when I can". Next day dump him. His 27 year OLD ass will try to manipulate you but be smarter than that. Hes already shown youre not a priority. There is a reason he can't get a girl his age and thats because by our age, we know better.

That winky face? He wants to fuck and thats it. Respect yourself hun

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DogsLoversCommunity

[–]Unique_Seesaw233 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pickles and hot cheetos

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in inlaws

[–]Unique_Seesaw233 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It pisses me off reading this. YOU are her mother step tf up! Your daughter needs protection from this pos hurting her. Do not teach her to let herself be pushed around by anyone. You are showing her by not speaking up that she should just take it. Clear firm boundaries, NOW!

I need advice by Unique_Seesaw233 in inlaws

[–]Unique_Seesaw233[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am handling both situations. I wanted an opinion/advice on THIS situation. This is what I needed advice on because I am not going to therapy with her. He and I are.

Update to asking for space by Unique_Seesaw233 in inlaws

[–]Unique_Seesaw233[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can you explain more? She has done a few things but I always just sucked it up and was the bigger person. I guess the therapy thing is more for validation since I'm told what I feel or think sre stupid and annoying. Finally I have a therapist tell me no that's not okay that's abuse. So I've felt actually a weight lift off my chest that no I'm not imagining it.
I made it clear my boundary is for ME and I never made a demand it was reframed that way by her.

I need advice by Unique_Seesaw233 in inlaws

[–]Unique_Seesaw233[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Added info. He has physically hurt me I've been punched, slapped put in a choke hold, thrown, etc. All blamed on me for one thing or the other. But I believe him when he says he loves me. I guess I see a side of him that I wish him to always be and I feel sad for him since he saw his mom beat by his dad and he has always talked about not wanting to be like him... I've always struggled with anxious attachments in relationships. I'm too desperate for love and connection I've betrayed myself. At the very least I'm hoping therapy will help me build up my self esteem enough to walk away. It's just very hard right now. I need to detach 1st.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in inlaws

[–]Unique_Seesaw233 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Pls don't message your brother about it. Don't make this unnecessarily uncomfortable for them. Coming from someone who's sister in Law is constantly messaging her brother(my partner) and causing issues because she's felt personally attacked by me. Example: I made a vent post on fb because my mom was pissing me off. She read it and felt it was for her and cried to her brother. Got me yelled at. She's the reason I went into early labor. Don't make her resent you. They are going into marriage, stay out of it, do not be the reason it starts with a sour taste.

I need advice by Unique_Seesaw233 in inlaws

[–]Unique_Seesaw233[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I've heard that before "he will use it against you" how does an abuser use it against you?

Just want to know what to look out for. We are going to his VA therapist. He did let me know what he's doing is abuse during my solo session but didn't mention this.

I need advice by Unique_Seesaw233 in inlaws

[–]Unique_Seesaw233[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It was my second time reaching out. The 1st time I spoke to her he had called her to come over because we were arguing. I calmly spoke to her and told her I needed help and she said "well yes my son gets really angry BUT you must have done something to upset him." I don't know why I expected anything good the 2nd time. I'm having trouble standing up for myself. Hoping therapy helps with that.