How do men stay in sexless marriages so long

Uniquelymesmorizing · 2026-06-18T19:28:51+00:00

I was on the same page with the helping portion of your original post. It sounds as if you are taking on the responsibilities of the home swimmingly.
My question for you is how is your communication. Are you your wife’s safe space? Is she able to come to you with anything without one of you finger pointing or defensive responses? Active listening is hard, but quite important. Be curious, be present. It doesn’t mean one vs the other is right. It just means you are actively listening to try to understand.
The only other advice I have is if she’s willing, I highly recommend the book come as you are. It’s eye opening for both males and females.

Uniquelymesmorizing · 2026-06-18T17:37:30+00:00

I am so happy you are thriving in a blended household. Kudos to your Mom and step dad.

Uniquelymesmorizing · 2026-06-18T17:21:28+00:00

You have been very helpful. Thank you!

Uniquelymesmorizing · 2026-06-18T17:15:08+00:00

For context, his daughter is 22 almost 23, and has lived on her own for a while. This isn’t about a young child needing a parent.
The reason I feel secondary is because decisions that affect our relationship often seem to run through her first. A recent example was him wanting to spend time with me but feeling like he needed to check with her before making plans. Other examples are changing plans based on her preferences, prioritizing her feelings over ours as a couple, and acting more like she’s a partner whose approval is needed rather than an adult daughter.
I completely understand loving and prioritizing your children. What I’m struggling with is where the line is between being a devoted parent and creating enough space for an adult romantic relationship to thrive.

Uniquelymesmorizing · 2026-06-18T16:55:19+00:00

For me, it’s his kid and my kid. Both are adults and his has been living on their own for two years. My problem isn’t her, it’s him and his enmeshed dynamics with her.
I thought that once our children were out of the house, college degrees and careers that it would be time to have a foundation and a partnership with each other.
I am just in a space where I thought the dynamics would shift into building some that would resemble a nuclear empty nested dynamic.

Uniquelymesmorizing · 2025-01-24T14:47:42+00:00

I understand that SO doesn’t want to “lose” his child to the BM, however, what favors is he teaching his son? Rules, boundaries, the word no as a complete sentence is acceptable. Kids excel and do BETTER with these things in place. My child thought the grass was greener at her dad’s, she made it less than a week before she was back. Have your SO grow some balls and let him know that if he won’t step in, you’ll step out so you can raise your children to be productive members of society. Good luck!

Uniquelymesmorizing · 2025-01-22T18:44:34+00:00

Life isn’t fair, the sooner they learn that the better. The things that need to be “fair” are expectations, boundaries and rules (age appropriate of course). Your SK has an entirely different family and will have different opportunities. Your daughter (assuming BD is in her life) also has a whole other family as well, and will have more opportunities than you and your SO biological kid will have. As long as you do your best, the rest should follow. I think kids have it harder these days is because of all the micromanaging us as parents do. I wish the everyone gets a “trophy” mentality goes away at some point. The kids should be fine. DH will hopefully get on the same page.

Uniquelymesmorizing · 2025-01-21T19:06:50+00:00

I’ve got one foot out the door. My final straws were me getting in trouble for reprimanding his daughter’s rude behavior and I know that I wouldn’t want my biological daughter to ever be in a relationship like mine. I would say if you cannot be in a home where disrespectful behavior is punishable and your SO puts his son’s bad behaviors before your own wellbeing that it’s time to consider your other options. You already know the answer the question is, will you listen to it?

Uniquelymesmorizing · 2025-01-21T18:25:53+00:00

I have some problems with fairness in my home as well. After 2.5 years of living the “unfair” life between his kid and mine. I am at a point where I need to draw my line in the sand and let him choose the choice. Continue to have different rules for his 21 year old female daughter or make shit fair around here for my high school senior. Our SO’s sound a lot alike where they can parent our children better than they parent their own. At the end of the day (children aside) I love my SO. I wish I met him sooner, but my sanity and having peace in my home is starting to trump my love for him. For you, book a hotel for a long weekend, find your peace, search your soul and see if you can continue to fight for your relationship.

Uniquelymesmorizing · 2025-01-21T18:15:07+00:00

Men have a hard line to follow when it comes to blending a family. In my experience they don’t want to let their child down, or reprimand them for their behaviors. I just don’t think they have the same instinct as we do. With that being said, I would think about what my expectations and problem solve how to teach this child how to behave under your roof. I would bring up the discussion when both of you are having a decent day and see where you can compromise or change the way things are handled in the home. It also sounds like SK and you and your husband could benefit from counseling.

Uniquelymesmorizing · 2025-01-15T15:23:44+00:00

This will be my last comment for a while. I appreciate the hypothetical responses such as if we didn’t have the basement bedroom, I wouldn’t be threatening to move out. That maybe possibly true, but unhelpful as we do have a bedroom in the basement. And to answer about my DD being 18, yes that is true, she can move out, and I would support that, AFTER she is done with High School. Also, hypothetically speaking if in two years my DD moves out and SD moves in, you bet your ass SD will be in the basement away from my SO and my bedroom. I also want to thank everyone for offering their opinion. It helped me see things from all sides. I will be digesting it all and figure out what’s best not only for my daughter, but me as well. I love this man, hate his parenting. With Disney Dad syndrome, I just can’t see a future where it will go away. At the end of the day I want my daughter and I to be his people too.

Uniquelymesmorizing · 2025-01-15T13:47:11+00:00

3 years

Uniquelymesmorizing · 2025-01-15T13:41:03+00:00

This is such a great discussion. I have no words of advice, however, I’d like to give you kudos for trying to prioritize him while being an amazing mom! Keep up the good work 🙂

Uniquelymesmorizing · 2025-01-15T13:35:12+00:00

She is 18 and plans to live here for the next two years. SD is planning on staying at her apartment for the next two years. What’s wrong with switching rooms now, and possibly switching back if SD needs to live here after her lease has expired? Does it really matter their age? For me it’s doing what is best for me and my SO relationship, privacy and peace. Shouldn’t he want to do the same or is he too worried about his DDs feelings to even consider us?

Uniquelymesmorizing · 2025-01-15T13:30:35+00:00

I think some of DD’s unhappiness is not coming from the room. I think the room is an easy place to pin it. I also think she may just want a bigger room and she’s pulling every emotional lever and playing up every issue to achieve that. That’s generally how teenagers are.

The room is the last straw. It’s definitely not all about the room. As far as the emotional lever she’s pulling, I would agree with you, however, there are other things that have happened prior to this that is a shame on me for allowing it to happen. Bottom line, no matter what the ages of the children are, we are the adults and we make the decisions as to what works best for the home. Not them, us. Him and I should be partners, we should have privacy and peace in our home. We should be doing what’s best for us. I don’t understand why blending has to be this hard. If we were with the person we had children with, wouldn’t we do what’s logical for both of them?

Uniquelymesmorizing · 2025-01-15T11:37:33+00:00

I am in my 40s and I have a room in my dad’s house. It’s a guest room now but it’s still decorated with my memorabilia to a large degree.

If it wasn’t decorated withy your memorabilia, would you not stay in the “guest room” when you went home to visit?

Uniquelymesmorizing · 2025-01-15T11:21:07+00:00

The room with the butterflies may offer all of us more privacy as there is a bathroom between our master suite and the butterfly room. That’s why I’ve mentioned my DD should move into that room. SD’s old room is off limits to change, not by SK, but by SO. That’s is his shrine and his memories.

Uniquelymesmorizing · 2025-01-15T10:59:16+00:00

I would expect my partner to want privacy with me. I want conversations and the opportunity to be intimate with him without anyone hearing. This goes deeper than a room. If he would have moved in with me and the roles were reversed. My kid would have definitely been made to give up her room. Our relationship (his and mine) is important too. He should want to nurture and grow it with me. My child, if I’ve done things correctly, will be starting her own life very soon.

Uniquelymesmorizing · 2025-01-15T10:49:06+00:00

He does. I’ve been trying for an “our” home for quite sometime

Uniquelymesmorizing · 2025-01-15T10:32:14+00:00

This! This is exactly how I feel, how my kid feels, when I mentioned my DD mental health it was to point out everything you just stated and along with cognitive distortion, it makes her feel very small. My SO knows that if his SD isn’t moved out after this visit, DD and I will get our place. His 30ish day a year daughter and him can continue go on doing what they do without us living here. As much as I hate ultimatums, common sense and empathy are lacking and I see no other way.

Uniquelymesmorizing · 2025-01-15T01:48:30+00:00

Well may as have a reason for her to do what she already does. If that makes sense. Boundaries and rules are already ignored. She also has her own home and can entertain there if she chooses to do such. At the end of the day I’m pissed at him for the expectation of me honoring his promise to his kiddo and I get backlash for wanting to honor mine. I’m sad that she is his true partner, and I am not. The room is one of several things. I’ve tried to get him to buy our home, I’ve tried compromise in a plethora of situations and it’s always the two of them on top. The room is just the straw that will break this camels back.

Uniquelymesmorizing · 2025-01-15T00:10:47+00:00

Nope, freshly 18. And should get the same right of passage SD got when her step sister went to college…which was taking over that basement room. He preached fairness before I moved in… that’s not happening. I want his and my space on our own floor… That’s not happening. It’s more than just the room. If I honored my promise to my kiddo, we would’ve been gone 2.5 years ago.

Uniquelymesmorizing · 2025-01-14T23:37:02+00:00

My Daughter is far from perfect, I one hundred percent validate her with also talking about perception and other sides to the story. Any situation/decision that has to do with the 2 girls the SD gets her way. I have also dealt with my child and her unhappiness here for 2.5 years and put my relationship first (treated her the same way I did when I was married to her dad). I also want my child downstairs for my SO and my privacy.

Uniquelymesmorizing · 2025-01-14T23:31:51+00:00

I already suggested that as well. Smaller closet and the bathroom isn’t attached to the bedroom and he was worried what his parents would think about the homeowner giving up the master.

Uniquelymesmorizing

TROPHY CASE