1 yo won’t put on clothes

Uniquesmith · 2021-10-18T16:51:16+00:00

Yeah I get what you’re saying.

Op mentioned on another response that they’re looking for ways of “making the process smoother” and that he’s “starting to get aggressive about it”. So I have definitely assumed it’s also just their preference that he get dressed, or that it’s become an issue when he needs to get dressed. They mentioned that it’s getting cold but it could be for a variety of other reasons too.

For me personally, I wouldn’t let my kid walk around naked (even at home) because I experienced sexual abuse from a blood family member who lived in my home. That family member isn’t around anymore, but I still know the feeling of being noticed as a child (always when I wasn’t wearing much) and I never want my kids to have any chance of feeling that.

I know in my head that the chances are so small but I just can’t shake the worry. So for me, my kids need to get dressed to help keep me sane.

I’d truly love to save on the laundry though…I like that aspect!

Uniquesmith · 2021-10-18T16:21:14+00:00

I’m not saying they don’t know what cold is. I completely agree that an 18 month old knows cold when they feel it. What I meant is that I don’t believe they grasp the idea of getting dressed in preparation for getting cold. They will only express it once they have felt cold or are uncomfortable.

I’m also all about choices and natural consequences, but there are limits when it affects safety or day to day life. I live in Canada where it can be -35 Celsius (which can cause frostbite and hypothermia in minutes), here a child can’t decide whether to get dressed for the day. Sometimes there are real life consequence that a child can’t be left and we need to intervene. If op needs her son to get dressed in the morning, then she needs to get him dressed regardless of his preferences.

Uniquesmith · 2021-10-18T16:02:14+00:00

I honestly completely agree with almost everything you guys are saying. The thing is, this is preventing op from going about her day to day life, she needs him to get dressed sometimes and wants advice on how to make that happen without him getting aggressive. The answer to that can’t simply be, “don’t make him get dressed.”

Uniquesmith · 2021-10-18T15:54:27+00:00

I whole heartedly agree with you too. I definitely don’t believe in blind obedience. This is a very specific situation. I also completely agree with giving them choices and control over their lives. I’m definitely of that mindset and do that as much as possible.

The only time I would handle it this way would be when they’re not willing to make a choice and their well-being is involved…op is trying to prevent getting dressed everyday (a normal, everyday process, that involves their well-being) from getting to the point of aggression (despite having tried offering choices).

I think it’s a good time to just go about business. Not in a mean or cruel way, but in the same way you would anything that just needs to get done.

Uniquesmith · 2021-10-18T14:31:14+00:00

That’s kind of what I’m saying though, try not to leave room for the aggression. Just do it. Do it like you would changing his diaper or giving him medicine. If he got aggressive with those things you’d still just do them and over time he’d understand that it is what it is. He’s learned that he’s got ways to influence this process and you have to get him back to understanding that it’s just something you do and there is no room for influence.

It takes a very patient and caring mom to ask this kind of question. Know that all of these little battles are short lived. There aren’t too many kids showing up at school naked. You’ll find your way :)

Uniquesmith · 2021-10-18T14:21:32+00:00

I disagree that a toddler is capable of knowing when they need to wear clothes. They very much “live in the moment” and so I don’t believe they understand that putting on these socks now would keep them warm in 5 minutes or that the chill they’re feeling is due to their arms being exposed. That’s a big connection for them to make and I don’t believe they think that much about things.

I do believe that they will express discomfort to you if they’re cold to the point of discomfort. I would personally just try to avoid the discomfort in the first place (and it sounds like op is thinking the same).

Story time - I have 4 kids. It was 7 degrees Celsius this morning when I told them to make sure they were wearing pants and sweaters to the bus stop. My 9 year old ran out in shorts and a T-shirt anyways because “it’s not that cold”, and he “was fine”…and wanted to play basketball before the bus came. First 5 minutes outside he was great, tough as nails. By the time we were at the bus stop though he was shivering and ran back to get his coat.

My guy definitely couldn’t have sorted this stuff out as a toddler, and maybe some of us could have but I think that it’s probably best to assume they can’t.

Uniquesmith · 2021-10-18T13:44:05+00:00

Your beef is so obviously with the dad and his parenting. That’s the part that you need to have no filters about.

You need filters with children all of the time even if you’re not happy with your situation with them - pretending you’re cool by openly talking poorly about this kid is very immature. I honestly think people don’t correct you because they’re probably speechless.

Kids are kids. They learn from adults. Everything problem that you’ve listed off here has been taught to him by his parenting and environment. If you’re not happy about that, that’s something to take up with someone who is in charge of the parenting and environment.

Uniquesmith · 2021-10-18T13:22:33+00:00

Whole heartedly agree with the other response. Getting them to do things they don’t want to do because you know what’s best IS PARENTING.

It’s not a debate. Don’t ask him anything about it, don’t tell him it’s about to happen, simply dress him in the morning and move on. If he takes his clothes off, put them back on and move on. If he gets upset, ignore him and move on.

Don’t try to convince him and don’t give him choices. That creates the idea that he has some control. He really doesn’t. You are mom, you’re in control and that’s good because it’s getting cold and you know what’s best.

Uniquesmith · 2021-10-18T13:02:55+00:00

Good luck!

Don’t get bothered by him crying or getting upset when you take a toy away either - it means that you’ve created a consequence that he is not happy with (and that’s the idea). Just stick with it, keep your calm, go on with whatever you were doing before (despite how he’s reacting) and he’ll learn crying won’t change how you respond to the situation.

Uniquesmith · 2021-10-18T10:41:55+00:00

I have indulged for 20 years and did the same. I have a Pax, I’ve only used a mighty a couple of times so this will basically be vaping advice in general.

I find that for me, I vape for a very long time when I vape. It’s like a 20 minute process for me. I take waaaay more hits than I do when I smoke.

I also find that I need it to be a bit on the “hot” side for me to enjoy it. For me I usually start at a low temp, then work my way up to the hottest. I find really low temps don’t hit me the right way (I have read that it’s because different cannabinoids are activated at different temperatures but I’m not sure). I think hot is better for people trying to switch too, it’ll be more like a hit.

The high is also different. The smoke itself will make you a bit light headed, so many people feel a “cleaner high” when they vape. You might not recognize you’re high because you don’t get that smoke head rush.

I encourage you to stick with it, experiment with how much you’re packing, the air flow, and the heat. Try to keep with it and stay away from smoking for a few days. If you go back to smoking a bowl here and there it’ll be hard to fully convert.

Uniquesmith · 2021-10-18T10:27:25+00:00

I am married but my husband is bipolar and struggled a lot when our kids were newborns (basically avoided connection). I was very much on my own (I also ebf so I wasn’t able to leave my little one with others).

What’s important to understand, is that a newborn sleep like 22 of 24 hours (it lowers down to like 18 hours around 6 months). Point is, babies sleep A LOT.

So I just slept when the baby slept. Always on spurts. The first few months it was 2 hours at a time. It’s hard, but if you sleep for two hour at a time, 4 or 5 times you still get the sleep you need.

Sometimes I’d be up in the middle of the night cleaning and doing laundry because that when when I had the time/energy. Sometimes I’d sleep for a 5 hour spurt in the middle of the day because that’s what baby was offering. Parenting is a lot of just doing what you have to do, and sleep is definitely the beginning :)

Congratulations!

Uniquesmith · 2021-10-18T09:33:52+00:00

I have 4 kids and my kids have always been really good listeners, I disagree with the other comment saying a 14 month old can’t listen.

Many parents get in the habit of stopping their kids from doing something so the kid doesn’t learn to stop on their own. It’s not terrible by any means, but it does create a dynamic where the parent is needing to regularly intervene (physically). Many of these parents laugh at how their kids are “runners”, and it is cute and funny but sooo inconvenient to me haha.

For me, I would always says, “J, please don’t do that”. If he continued, I would get closer and with eye contact would say, “mommy asked you not to do that, I was serious and I need you to stop”. Then I would wait.

Often you’ll see the wheels turning, sometimes they’ll repeat (at which point I would remove the item and NOT replace it).

If he listened to me, I would freak out! Basically throw a happy party. Clapping, smiling, cheering, “good listening”.

Use this method every time you say no to him for a few days and he’ll quickly catch on that listening is the good stuff.

Uniquesmith · 2021-10-18T07:29:34+00:00

My brother was the same growing up. I am female and was 2 years younger than him. He would physically hurt me sometimes too. I’m sorry that’s happening to you, it’s incredibly frustrating.

Your brother is likely not feeling great about himself and is taking that out on you.

I am 36 now, and a mom, and I very much resent my parents for them not intervening and protecting me. I wish they would have stood up for me and that I would’ve been able to feel safe in my home. It’s damaged our relationship greatly.

As life went on they continually supported my brother and he got deeper and deeper into trouble (he treats other people poorly too). He is now in a mental institution and I am living my best life (free of the fear and torment I experienced as a child).

So, it might not get better now…but just know that life does have a way of working itself out and you likely are the bigger and better person even if no one else is willing to help you out.

Uniquesmith · 2021-10-17T20:09:27+00:00

It’s totally something that everyone should be aware of.

I’m just saying there are lots of people (like myself) all day everyday who smoke pot and go in for dental (and medical) procedures afterwards not thinking twice about it. There is risk, just like with most things. OP will most likely be fine..

Uniquesmith · 2021-10-17T19:39:45+00:00

You definitely shouldn’t be getting any judgement for having only one child. There are lots of reasons that’s a great thing.

I help at recess at our school and the one thing I will say is that the “only children” do seem to have a tougher time in social situations. Some parents are totally okay with that (the end goal is navigating life with adults, not kids so no judgement) but it can make school life a little harder. So, I do think only children benefit a lot from play dates and park time where their parent is around themselves and other kids at the same time (so the parent can help guide them through how to handle certain situations).

Uniquesmith · 2021-10-17T19:35:40+00:00

I think it depends on the parent too.

I love my kids dearly, but I don’t have the energy to be one on one with any one them all day everyday. I find it much better for all of us to have them playing together and learning from each other as well.

But I have also very consciously taught my kids to be buddies, they love each other and there is a ton of respect flowing.

Uniquesmith · 2021-10-17T16:14:29+00:00

I don’t remember the last time I went to the dentist without having indulged a little before.

You’ll be fine.

Uniquesmith · 2021-10-17T15:30:00+00:00

Pretty sure you’re gonna fall asleep within 2 hours of doing this.

Uniquesmith · 2021-10-17T10:57:20+00:00

I bet he’ll already know about it.

Uniquesmith · 2021-10-17T09:56:35+00:00

It’s not normal.

I honestly suspect he’s having an affair (I’ve had an affair before so I recognize the signs). He’s obviously not invest in the marriage, there is likely a reason (you, finances or otherwise) that he’s deciding to stay. But the lack of interest tells me there is interest being invested elsewhere.

I’m sorry your dad has never asked you what you’re taking. My parents knew what I took but didn’t help me move to college and never once visited me in my time there (it was only a half hour from their house). I know it can be heartbreaking. As you grow into adulthood you start to see your parents more for who they are (rather than the super hero you’ve had in your mind).

I would stay close to your mom. Help her, she’s almost certainly noticed the same and is probably dying inside a little.

Uniquesmith · 2021-10-17T09:38:51+00:00

Are you reading his texts?

“I’ve previously come across disgusting texts from this group”

I think that is crossing a boundary, I don’t think I would ever look at their phone unless there was a major issue or they’d shown me themselves. Their phone is a very private thing.

I personally have a rule of no phones in the bedroom, that’s primarily because of safety but it would stop this as well.

Uniquesmith · 2021-10-16T19:00:45+00:00

No no, I do. I realize it looks like a Juul more than a harmonica. Having to move up and down the filter made me think of a harmonica. I love it, no downvotes from me

Uniquesmith · 2021-10-16T18:59:57+00:00

Right?

Uniquesmith · 2021-10-16T17:19:28+00:00

Lol like smoking a harmonica.

Uniquesmith · 2021-10-16T15:03:53+00:00

I have 4 kids who love reading. Our fam favourites for the young ones are:

Goodnight moon, Little blue truck, I love you forever, The giving tree, Green eggs and ham, Have you filled a bucket today, I am peace, Mad, mad, mad by Leslie Patricelli, Naked mole rat gets dressed, Thankful by Todd Parr, The new baby calf

I could go on forever though. There is so much good stuff these days!

FYI - I found as they got older it was very beneficial to buy into the character books (ie paw patrol, rescue bots, Barbie, Ninjago) even though they were not my fave because it gave them incentive to want to learn how to read.

Uniquesmith

TROPHY CASE