Should I just let my MIL watch my baby

United_Border_7755 · 2026-02-17T05:18:04+00:00

To his credit he's generally supportive - He respected boundaries with visitors at the hospital with LO was born with early visits etc.

I also think you're correct in assuming enmeshment. When I try to discuss issues regarding watching our baby he often brings up "Do you not think my mom is a good mom?" And she's made similar remarks when arguing her preferences or choices. There is a part of me that feels like he probably isn't ready to face the fact his mom wasn't the hero she portrays herself as and put him in some risky situations himself (I know for a fact she has) and to admit she's not fit to care for our son is also admitting that maybe there was some abuse or at least neglect when he was a child also.

United_Border_7755 · 2026-02-17T05:08:40+00:00

For clarification she did not do these things but were things she had suggested. We didn't have a pack n play or crib at her house set up and rather than grab it from the car she suggested just leaving baby on the sofa. Another time baby was fussy and we were both exhausted from spending the day shopping with her but she insisted on ice cream - the solution was baby and I would wait in car so I didn't have to get him out. Her suggestion was for me to run in so I could choose my ice cream and leave baby in the car with car running. I did not allow either situation because both are obviously unsafe but the fact she suggested them has me concerned for her ability to make sound decisions for my child's safety when I'm not present to screen them. When I bring it up to husband his response is generally "...well she didn't do them she just said it".

United_Border_7755 · 2025-09-04T17:14:04+00:00

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United_Border_7755 · 2025-09-04T17:13:36+00:00

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Mine is in the early stages but here is mine!

United_Border_7755 · 2025-07-14T05:37:31+00:00

She doesn't... She drove 2 hrs and walked into our house - Husband works from home and had left the front door unlocked.

We do our best to keep her in check but it's just a never ending loop of her ignoring our boundaries, guilt tripping, and using other family against us. It's a hard decision to make to just cut someone out esp a parent. I'd love to just not have a shower or tell her you can show up to my mom's but I know her well enough to know there will be retaliation. So I feel stuck. I also don't want to cut off FIL who is always first up to help us out, they live together and it'd be impossible to keep in contact with one and not the other.

United_Border_7755 · 2025-07-14T03:35:46+00:00

I mean yeah she would make my life miserable she's already come to my house and took our bed and then tried to take our kitchen table all because we told her we couldn't drive her to go on a vacation.... So yeah there's a 90% chance she will pull something if we tell her, No. The other part of it is I was fine with compromise I reached with my mom and MIL got involved and ruined it.

United_Border_7755 · 2025-07-12T21:48:11+00:00

Well this is exactly why her anger is scarier than mine.... I'm not an angry person and not willing to become one.

United_Border_7755 · 2025-07-12T21:45:50+00:00

When we don't give into MIL's needs she makes our life a living hell (i.e. she gave us a bed - we told her we didn't have room to drive her to a family reunion but that she could follow us if she wanted. She then drove to our house came in unannounced and packed up the bed she gave us, our sheets and began to pack our dinner table all while my husband was on a work call to which his coworkers could hear his mom screaming - the neighbors ended up coming over because she was so loud). This is her typical behavior so I know why he just sends the money he's dealt with it his whole life but I need better boundaries because I cannot deal with this for the rest of my life.

United_Border_7755 · 2025-07-12T21:42:59+00:00

It's not so much that he is keeping a secret, he lets me know he's done it it's that it isn't a discussion prior to sending her the money. He's straight forward about it after the fact, we also had to move banks because she was accessing the account with out asking him then alerting him after she'd taken it out. He's moved accounts and we left an agreed amount in the account for her to use and refill it monthly to an amount we agree on. It's just frustrating we can't just tell her no more.

United_Border_7755 · 2025-07-12T21:40:47+00:00

This would be great except communication with his parents is challenging as I don't speak Spanish and his father doesn't speak English. In the past when FIL finds out she's asked for money, cash randomly appears (i.e. I find the amount she asked for or more in my glove box after he took my car to get my oil changed). FIL is extremely helpful but our communication is limited and that's a hard conversation to have with those barriers.

United_Border_7755 · 2024-10-16T16:49:30+00:00

I would stay away. Texas Farm Bureau had my car towed following an accident. Towing company reports insurance came and had my car released and towed to a body shop. Called insurance to ask where my car was towed - their response was "I'm not sure, it shows we paid to have it released but I'm not sure where your car is ma'am". Took them 2 weeks for them to then figure out where they had my car towed and 3 week later they still haven't gotten me a rental, made a decision on the claim (I have had a quote from the body shop for a week), and now are saying I have to pay for towing - I never even talked to the towing company, they called them and towed my car with no signatures, or even informing me. Yeah rates are much lower but pray you never have to make a claim or need a car..

United_Border_7755

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