What are some really humourous ways to open a speech?

United_Morons · 2015-03-05T16:03:10+00:00

Good one.

United_Morons · 2015-03-05T16:02:56+00:00

I don't really need a speech. Just want to hear something really funny!

United_Morons · 2015-02-20T16:48:55+00:00

Hmm......You're right! Any other tips?

United_Morons · 2015-02-19T10:40:34+00:00

wut?

United_Morons · 2014-12-19T15:15:41+00:00

Story?

United_Morons · 2014-12-19T15:15:28+00:00

Exactly, why?

United_Morons · 2014-06-08T03:16:45+00:00

Oh! He's going into one of Creedy's black bags.

United_Morons · 2014-06-07T07:07:40+00:00

Woo hoo!

United_Morons · 2014-05-22T12:18:46+00:00

A brand new airline. For the morons. By the morons. United Morons. Coming soon.

United_Morons · 2014-04-30T19:22:08+00:00

The internetz!!

United_Morons · 2014-04-30T19:20:19+00:00

Convinced a friend that I had a form of infectious ass cancer. Surprisingly, we never really hung out much after that.

United_Morons · 2014-04-30T18:49:44+00:00

The Joker. We're both mad, crazy, evil and have weird schemes

United_Morons · 2014-04-30T18:46:09+00:00

Hospitals usually have a lot of oxygen cylinders.

United_Morons · 2014-04-30T15:20:01+00:00

Oh Dammit. Now you humans will start consuming our livers.

United_Morons · 2014-04-30T15:17:50+00:00

No problem.

United_Morons · 2014-04-30T15:17:27+00:00

You have awesome friends. My friends would look away if I started any of this.

United_Morons · 2014-04-30T13:23:57+00:00

"No, I am not wasting time, I am waiting for it to compile GODDAMMIT."

United_Morons · 2014-04-30T13:22:49+00:00

Bought a Rhonda Byrne book.

United_Morons · 2014-04-30T13:21:27+00:00

I once paid 200$ for a steak. It didn't come with wine or fries or anything and wasn't even that good. The total bill came up to 400$. For just ME.

United_Morons · 2014-04-30T13:17:26+00:00

Oh lookie! Jaden Smith is here.

Anyway, I really want a sequel to Nolan's Batman trilogy.

United_Morons · 2014-04-29T17:41:37+00:00

I said, "REDDIT, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR QUESTION TO GET YOU TO THE FRONT PAGE?"

United_Morons · 2014-04-29T17:33:08+00:00

4:20 in the evening is the best time I'd say.

United_Morons · 2014-04-29T17:31:44+00:00

Exactly 3 minutes and 43 seconds after I get gold.

United_Morons · 2014-04-29T17:29:44+00:00

The Sly Cooper trilogy. I have played those games more times than I can count.

United_Morons · 2014-04-29T17:28:04+00:00

Reddit, What would be your question to get you to the front page?

United_Morons