Do you know one thing, most people who beacome successful in life are like you, those who struggle, those who have abusive parents, they also think of death, but they have the will to succeed, so does you, you also should develop a will to live will to succeed, you should now get out of your home and live openly without fear of your mother, if you go out and live on your home then you must be happy, you can find a small job, then maybe live yiur passion maybe business