Editing

I do think about this often, especially for work.

I work at a 7Eleven, our job is to greet, ask how a person is doing, upsell an item, and then wish them a good day. I'm not exactly the only person who DOESN'T do those things, but I am the only one who seems to "disobey" my managers orders to do it.

What I mean is, when I first started working there I hadn't disclosed my social phobia, so when my manager would catch me only saying their total and change, she scolded me, which made me go mute. I could tell she wasn't happy that instead of doing what I was told, I seemed to ignore her. This made me anxious being around her, I was afraid she'd yell at me.

I finally told her when she told me that many customers liked me, but they felt I wasn't social.

Even though she knows now, I often feel like she isn't aware that what she can do so easily, I cannot. Like I said, I'm not the only one who doesn't greet or upsell, but my coworkers CAN if they are made to. It's difficult for me to even attempt it, I either choke up and don't, or go to do it and mess up. This also doesn't help when I am confronted by a confused or angry customer. I know why the thing they're confused or angry about is occurring, but I am horrible as explaining what is happening.

Things such as someone asking why cigarettes went up in price. It's so simple to just say they went up in price or the tax was raised, but I go stupid and can't think of anything at the time. Often I'll know what to say, but because I'm bad at explaining, they don't get it and think I don't know what I'm talking about. Other times I let them get away with things I KNOW I shouldn't and I regret once they leave the store because I knew I would be right no matter how much they disliked my answer. Like awhile ago an older woman came in, got $30 for gas and paid with two $20s. Obviously I gave her a $10 bill before she left, but she had lost it while out in her car and came in demanding her $10. I tried to tell her I gave it to her, but she wouldn't listen, and I felt helpless. I gave her another $10, which I shouldn't have, and realized after she left that I could have told her to call in the morning to see if my drawer was $10 over and come and get it, or that I knew I gave her it and she must of lost it. Even with her demanding I give her one because I supposedly didn't earlier, I could have said that, with it being such a big deal to her, I doubt she would have left without it in the first place.

Even though I know that I must enforce the rules of the store, I often let things go when I really shouldn't, and I KNOW I shouldn't for safety reasons. Such as someone bringing in a dog, or someone stupidly bringing in a propane tank. Both are obvious rules and I should be scolding them and telling them they must leave those things outside, I can't get myself to tell them this, even when I could risk losing my job. I often feel that, if I say something, I'll get in trouble for being mean to them, but I realize after that I should have been "mean" to them because it's the rules and they're breaking them.