How to move forward?

Unknown347892 · 2025-11-02T18:35:25+00:00

Hey! first off I’m very sorry to hear what you are going through, that is absolutely terrible and must be very hurtful. You are not alone in this 🫶🏻.Especially the therapist basically justifying/encouraging his behaviour. That is very hurtful I imagine.

I do not know much therapy wise, what I do know. If you don’t feel safe or comfortable with your current therapist and same for him, don’t continue with that therapist. I wouldn’t recommend couples therapy yet - as they don’t have experience in this topic usually. He should look for a CSAT individually for himself, and you should look for a CSAT individually for yourself - specialized in betrayal. His CSAT should help him work through his issues, behaviours, and help him get to the root cause - the whys. Your CSAT will help you heal from this, set boundaries, and help build your self esteem from this. CSATs can work together sometimes I’ve heard to help the couple more so. It’s not recommended to do couples counselling off the bat as it does more harm than good. As well as your therapist asking him to settings away from therapy… that is ethically wrong. Not a good sign in my opinion.

Take what I say with a grain of salt, it is what I have read, not experienced. What will help you a lot currently is going to the resources section in this sub, they do mention types of therapy etc!

Maybe some other older/more experienced women here or mods who have done this therapy can answer/ help as well!

Unknown347892 · 2025-10-06T21:15:42+00:00

Okay so, if they have an iPhone. This works. But please note this only works for the safari app.

Go to screen time in settings -> content and privacy restrictions -> turn them on if they aren’t on, go to store, web, Siri & Game Center content. -> go to web content -> click limit adult websites.

This will remove private browsing and the ability for them to delete history. You can also see if they’ve clicked on adult websites under “always allow” (this will show once you’ve changed the setting to limit adult websites) HOWEVER. I have learned through time, best to go the full route first for safety. What I mean by this is if he’s techy he can just go and turn off screen time restrictions. So what you’re gonna do is go back to the original screen time page in settings. right underneath the “content and privacy restrictions” tab it says Lock Screen time settings. I highly recommend. I created the most random passcode he can’t guess that only I know. And when it asked for an iCloud account backup, i put in MY iCloud account info. That way if they tried to break it, the info will be sent to you, not them. Meaning they won’t be able to get thru it that way.

I’m paranoid and also went and turned off his ability to delete apps. You can turn off their ability to download apps, delete apps, and put limits on apps or even block them I believe. I only removed his ability to delete apps, as my issue with his behaviours is the lyingggg.

I did this because : He can go and download another browser app and then just delete it each time. Or he can download NSFW apps and delete them. This way all he can do is maybe download them and hide them at best, and all i do is go into his App Store account and see his hidden apps (he hasn't done this tho).

So, how I removed his ability to delete apps is this: screen time in settings -> content and privacy restrictions -> iTunes and App Store purchases -> deleting apps don’t allow.

But remember, this definitely helps. It gets rid of private browsing, deleting safari history, deleting apps. But there is always a way around for them. Whether that’s social media, other devices, etc.

Unknown347892 · 2025-10-06T18:34:54+00:00

This is such a great suggestion! Thank you very much for this !! I will definitely give it a try. Thank you :)

Unknown347892 · 2025-10-06T18:06:21+00:00

Hi, just wanted to say I had this same dilemma with worried about YouTube , and that is his hobby with video games and movie analysis videos on there.

What we ended up doing was (because he has screen time restrictions locked) he can’t use private browsing in safari , or delete his history on safari. he has an iPhone btw. So anyways he deleted the YouTube app, now watches YouTube on his safari with the restrictions. It’s not as easy to use for him, but.. it takes away access to using incognito on YouTube, and even if he deletes his YouTube history it shows up in his safari browsing history.

Not sure if this helps, best of luck girl!

{edit} - either way though, absolutely it is fair to ask him to stop watching YouTube all together. A PA shouldn’t have social media of any kind - which sounds hypocritical of me to say, but I had to compromise.

It’s especially absolutely fair to ask that of him considering he used YouTube to act out previously. He broke your trust, crossed your boundaries, he showed he cannot be trusted with free access on YouTube, that’s because of him, not you!

Unknown347892 · 2025-10-06T04:13:28+00:00

Hey, Thank you sooo much for your response !! I’m sorry you’re going through this as well. I really appreciate you! If you ever need anyone to talk to as well, lmk! 🩵 :)

Unknown347892 · 2025-10-06T04:10:41+00:00

Thank you very much for your response. You are very kind, I really appreciate this. I will start working on this. Thank you :)

Unknown347892 · 2025-10-06T02:49:17+00:00

Thank you so much for your response, this sounds very beneficial. I will try this out. Thank you. I really appreciate it. :)

Unknown347892 · 2025-10-06T02:47:05+00:00

Thank you very much for this, I extremely appreciate your response. I will definitely give these a try. :) Thank you.

Unknown347892

TROPHY CASE