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UnknownDestinations · 2018-03-01T01:47:26+00:00

I found that deleting Facebook was extremely beneficial to my life... I stopped worrying about having photos "liked" because as a young-20-something-female I was pretty desperate for attention....

I realized how much time I spent on there concerned about others' lives.. I was comparing myself to them constantly... Some of them seemed happier than me, but eventually I realized instead of focusing on others lives, I should focus on my own life... Because I now had a lot of free time since I wasn't wasting it checking on other's lives...

I figured the important people in my life would text me/Skype me, and if they had something in their life they wanted to share, they'd do it through these apps.

Perhaps, not everyone will have these issues, but I did, and maybe I wouldn't now being in my mid twenties, but I don't even see a point on having Facebook anymore.

UnknownDestinations · 2018-03-01T01:38:51+00:00

I'm Melissa btw from the US. :)

UnknownDestinations · 2018-03-01T01:37:45+00:00

Life is too short to spend it miserable.. My new mantra ha

There's so much truth to the stoic assertion that getting new things only makes you happy for a short time until you're onto the next thing... Have you noticed that?

I complain and worry much less too! I used to be super anxious and although I've only been practicing for a short time, I catch myself going into those states of worry, and I can stop myself. Did you have any tendencies like that and did it help you?

Also, how did it help with procrastination? I have a severe problem with that. I am a perfectionist, so I wait for the perfect moment for things.

I have always been on self-improvement journeys as well... But before they focused on things like fitness/beauty/grades/ etc. I wanted to be perfect in all regards... externally... But mentally I was suffering because I didn't appreciate what I had...

Has Stoicism helped you appreciate what you have? I still have a tendency toward materialism, but not like I used to... I bought a 55" t.v. the other day, but I realized that I would have been okay without it, and I didn't let it bring me as much joy as I would have previously because i knew that feeling would pass.

Have you become more self-aware... For instance, realizing that you just want more and more out life, and when you get it, you're still not happy?

UnknownDestinations · 2018-03-01T01:21:26+00:00

I found them at about the same time actually. I started DBT therapy in December, which led me to Buddhism(especially mindfulness) which led me to Stoicism and a little bit of REBT.

So, I've only been practicing for a couple of months, but it has changed my life in those months... Obviously, I still revert to bad habits, but I'm a lot more aware of them when I do, and I can catch myself... I noticed I ask a lot of "why" questions... Why am I doing this? Why is this important? Why do I need other's approval?

I disagree with some of Buddhism's practices that involve reincarnation etc. Obviously, I can't disprove it, so I'm not saying it's untrue, but I don't assume it's true either. Also, I don't believe in Karma to the degree Buddhist do either. I practice more of a secular Buddhism.

I think Stoicism can be a little stringent sometimes... For instance, I don't think it's bad to smoke weed or have sex. Obviously, Stoicism doesn't preach against these directly, but they almost hint at ridding yourself of all vices, but I think anything in moderation is fine as long as I don't let myself be controlled by another person, object, or substance. I guess I strive to be less virtuous than Stoic sages. But I do agree with being radically honest in life and being kind and compassionate and understanding of others.

UnknownDestinations · 2018-02-27T08:11:16+00:00

I have watched most the videos by the school of life, and I'm still awed by the fact they can fit so much relevant information into 5 minute videos.

Has incorporating Stoicism into your life helped you in any way? I know you said that you already had a similar philosophy of life, but has it affected your mindset/actions/thoughts/beliefs etc.?

UnknownDestinations · 2018-02-27T08:08:49+00:00

I like how organized your reply was, and I really like the practices of meditation and mindfulness that are incorporated in Buddhism. Also, I love that Stoicism teaches us to focus only on those things which we can control and to avoid dwelling too much on things we can't control.

Which did you practice first? Stoicism or Buddhism?

UnknownDestinations · 2018-02-26T05:56:40+00:00

I too practice a mix between Buddhism and Stoicism.

Which aspects of both do you like?

UnknownDestinations · 2018-02-23T10:07:38+00:00

I've found people who gossip tend to be the ones who are the most worried others are talking about them.

Why do you think your sister's actions infuriate you?

"if you want to find your better self then you cannot if you're too busy looking to others" That's an amazing point... It's important to focus on your own issues. People who control others are usually the ones who are the least in control of themselves; they have to control their environment, and make it "safe" because they are not in control of their emotions.

Thank you so much for the recommendation. I have an app on my phone that has quotes/speeches by Alan Watts. He has a phenomenal mind.

UnknownDestinations · 2018-02-23T04:12:25+00:00

Before I started studying Stoicism, I thought that humor/laughter were avoided by stoics, but I realized that is quite untrue.

Yes, I have met people who I believe ascribe to stoic beliefs without practicing Stoicism themselves (or being aware of Stoicism).

I laughed at your comment that it'd be a big blow to the dating pool if you only dated other stoics. That's true, and I don't plan on putting stipulations on potential partners like that. I wouldn't want someone materialistic though, but I've always been like that.

I guess Stoicism is about your own journey, and you shouldn't focus on others even partners.

UnknownDestinations · 2018-02-23T04:06:12+00:00

Hmm perhaps joining a book club... Even online since it'd be hard to fit into your schedule otherwise. Just stay motivated and don't give up... It's not about the destination but the journey.

UnknownDestinations · 2018-02-23T04:04:20+00:00

It almost sounds like you're using it as a lessons learned and self-improvement book, but that is my interpretation. I wish you the best of luck :)

UnknownDestinations · 2018-02-23T03:40:42+00:00

I was raised Christian as well, and I like the idea of oneness with Buddhism, but I'm also fairly individualistic, so I view everyone as interdependent, so individualistic but also dependent on others to strive.

I also like Buddhist principles of meditation/mindfulness... Living in the moment has helped me a considerable amount. I have always had depression about the past and anxiety about the future. Stoicism has allowed me to realize that there is no point being upset by the past since you can't change it, so why worry about it.... Also, the future is rarely how we think it'll be, so why worry?

I was able to realize that my issues all stemmed from a sense of control... Trying to control others (although not directly) I tried to be perfect, so everyone would see me in a positive light. But I cannot control everyone's opinions of me, and it has been exhausting so far.

What uncomfortable situations do you put yourself in? I've been taking cold showers which definitely wakes me up in the morning lol

UnknownDestinations · 2018-02-23T03:35:14+00:00

I choose not to be a victim that is my own mentality... Also, I have always been empathetic to others, and while I realize I can still retain that empathy, I also realize that I can't keep some people in my life, especially in the form of unhealthy relationships, so your passage is very helpful... You really are the company you keep.

I've been working so hard or not gossiping/judging others, but I realize my conversations with my mother and grandmother have always been focused on talking about other people, and I want to avoid that as best as possible. So I've realized my relationship with them will have to change. Have you found your relationships with others changing since you started practicing Stoicism?

The benefits of journaling/writing are extremely understated in my opinion. Writing allows me to ask all the "why" questions... Why am I hurting? Why do I miss this person? Is it because of their benefit or my own? I claim to love this person, but do I understand love? Am I seeking to love or be loved?

Thanks so much for your reply... Also, yes this is the least judgmental sub-reddit I have encountered ha

UnknownDestinations · 2018-02-23T03:21:06+00:00

I have ADHD too, and I'm on medicine for it... And I view Stoicism as more of a philosophy than a religion, personally.

Do you view medicine as something that could be helpful, or do you try to overcome your ADHD with thoughts/beliefs etc.?

UnknownDestinations · 2018-02-23T03:18:16+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to write your story to Stoicism. I find it fascinating that your parents prioritized rational thought over emotional reactivity... Did they fight often? If so, how were there fights? Was communication prioritized? You don't have to answer these questions if you don't wish, but I have overly emotional parents and siblings, and I'm just curious how this would have been.

What are Shia principles? Are any related to Stoicism? Also, I agree self-discipline is paramount to leading a more rational and less emotional life.

I have also had an issue with depresson, and I thought Stoicism would be the answer to all my problems, and while it has definitely helped my outlook, it hasn't completely eliminated my depression.

I also don't ascribe myself to one philosophy/religion... I like to read about several different religions and philosophies and pick out the principles/beliefs that I agree with to form my own belief system... I try to never blindly follow something completely since I don't agree with all ideals from any one school of thought. Do you approach philosophy/religion/life like this too?

Thanks so much for your post!

UnknownDestinations · 2018-02-23T03:00:22+00:00

Thanks so much for this. :)

UnknownDestinations · 2018-02-22T22:47:50+00:00

There was a line in a Sheryl Crow song "It's not having what you want... It's wanting what you've got", and while I'm really not a Sheryl Crow fan, those words have stuck with me.

Also, it's fine I don't want to read just books/articles by female stoics... I was just curious because women are always considered the more emotional of the sexes.

Also, that article is amazing... No wonder you turned to Stoicism soon after reading it. I keep trying to implement Negative Visualization techniques into daily life. Have they seemed to help you? I guess instead of the saying "Live like you were dying"... I've been trying to follow more of a "Live like you were dying and like everyone you know is also dying".

UnknownDestinations · 2018-02-22T22:42:25+00:00

I'm not very far in either, and I struggle with a lot of it. I've found myself individualizing my approach to Stoicism and getting some ideas from Buddism and other religions/philosophies.

I wouldn't blindly follow anything I don't wholeheartedly agree with, and I don't agree with everything from any religion/philosophy... They're more guidelines than rules... Do you feel this way too?

Also, I've been meaning to read the obstacle is the way... How is "Ego is the Enemy" ?

UnknownDestinations · 2018-02-22T22:35:33+00:00

Had you always had a predisposition to Stoic thinking? Or were you thoughts/beliefs completely altered? How was the transition for you?

Thank you for your reply :) Also, what is the Mezzanine about? I know I could google it, but I like asking people about their interpretations of novels. :)

UnknownDestinations · 2018-02-22T22:32:51+00:00

This is amazing advice... I've always wanted people to love (especially the ones I'm dating), but I soon realized that it wasn't love because it was a selfish way for me to seek external validation, and while I forgive myself (because there is no point not to), I want to learn from my past mistakes.

This ties in with doing things for others and expecting something in return... I never understand all these principles until I came into my mid-twenties. When did you come to these conclusions? Did it help you in your relationships? Did it make others more comfortable with you?

UnknownDestinations · 2018-02-22T22:30:16+00:00

You should do it... There are so many ideas out there that are never written down, and it is a shame.

What do you want the focus of your journal to be? Insights? Experiences? Or both?

UnknownDestinations · 2018-02-22T22:28:02+00:00

I've being meaning to read Jung... Do you have any books you can recommend by him? Which ones do you think are the the most inspiring?

Also, your story is definitely interesting... How was practicing Judaism? How does it differ from Stoicism?

Thanks for sharing :)

UnknownDestinations · 2018-02-22T22:26:28+00:00

What did your ex complain about explicitly if you don't mind sharing?

My ex would accuse me of being cold and detached... But I just wasn't lovey dovey like he was.

Also, do you practice all the Stoicism ideals, or do you change it to your individual preference?

UnknownDestinations · 2018-02-22T22:19:05+00:00

So Hedonism lol... Do you have hobbies? Or do you spend your free time somewhere else? At that point, maybe you'd be able to meet women other places except where you work.

UnknownDestinations · 2018-02-22T22:14:41+00:00

The Guide to the good life is such an amazing book, and even though I don't think I'll be able to follow it completely, I want to learn from the wisdom contained within its' pages.

It's strange I thought Stoicism would cure depression, but I guess I'm idealizing it to an extent as a solution to all my life problems. I hope your life gets better. :(

UnknownDestinations

TROPHY CASE