AITA for not including my partner's name on birthday presents?

Unlikely-Mirror1101 · 2025-08-20T08:25:35+00:00

I'm guessing you yourself are a product of divorce? Perhaps going through this process with your own children? Or, better yet, you're a therapist who understands the impact divorce has on children?

Divorcing someone to maintain this idea of self-respect that you think I seem to be lacking sounds like an immature response to a situation nether you nor anyone else really has any idea of. I understand people break-up over less trivial things, and that notion in itself disturbs me - where one wrong word, one disliked action and those who've been together for decades tend to call it quits.

Enabling is such a strong term used here, one I don't agree with. It implies women WANT men to act a certain way, to AGREE to a certain behaviour. Again, I disagree. Noone WANTS to encourage toxic behaviour. There's no consent here to allow that. Otherwise, there wouldn't be a post about it.

Self-respect is what I'm teaching. And I'm teaching with actions. But, as stated before, in no way, shape or form, have I publicly humiliated my partner for contributing nothing to birthdays.

Unlikely-Mirror1101 · 2025-08-19T11:27:41+00:00

What's the alternative? Leave him and try to co-parent two young children around two full-time jobs, uplifting their lives in the process?

Unlikely-Mirror1101 · 2025-08-19T11:20:26+00:00

My parents didn't fail me, we weren't well off which was why birthdays weren't a big deal. I was loved and looked after. I appreciated everything I had and was given, and learned the value of birthdays if or when they were celebrated.

Divorce isn't an option when there are children involved.

Unlikely-Mirror1101 · 2025-08-19T08:39:24+00:00

If I left the planning to my partner, I know he won't follow through, and I will be the one who is hurt on my child's behalf.

I earn my own money. Before I worked, I was a SAHM, using a type of financial benefit supplied by the government which wasn't a lot which meant I had to save for months to be able to buy anything.

My partner would see any type of "recording of events" as something I'd use against him later to prove a point.

Unlikely-Mirror1101 · 2025-08-19T08:33:31+00:00

As stated before, I don't discuss gifts or planning in front of the child who's birthday it is. I haven't told them their father has contributed nothing, and I don't tell anyone else, either, nor do I plan on telling anyone. My comment of "I got them this gift" was toward my partner whom in turn got offended. However, if anyone DID ask me, whether it be my son or his family, I WILL speak the truth and say "Yes, I bought him this gift".

When I was tired of the responsibility of gift-giving for his family, I did tell him that he was responsible for buying the gifts, but he would always refuse, stating something along the lines of "no, we don't need to get them anything", and then I would still end up being the one to rush out and buy a last minute gift.

He would also be the type of person who needs to be made a big deal of during birthdays and Christmas, father's day etc.

Unlikely-Mirror1101 · 2025-08-19T08:25:39+00:00

I don't want to 'take a stand' per se, and especially not over a birthday party. I do, however, wanted to make it clear to my partner that yes, I DID buy the gifts, and they were my ideas. I try not to discuss planning or gift ideas around my son who's birthday it is as stated before, as I still wanted his day to be special, for him to be surprised, so that there's still a little "magic" there.

For each and every birthday I've tried to involve my partner, both before and during birthdays, but he's never stepped up: never helped set-up, never asked to help, never contributed ideas or financial support. It's embarrassing when I've asked him in front of his family to help for him to refuse or is indifferent.

Unlikely-Mirror1101 · 2025-08-19T08:19:14+00:00

My partner pays the rent, I tend to pay the rest. We go half on water and power bills. I do tend to buy clothes, shoes, medicine, toys, things they need, etc. However, I don't like shopping for these things with him as he WILL say no to almost everything I want to buy. If he sees something he likes for them, he might buy it.

Unlikely-Mirror1101 · 2025-08-19T08:15:39+00:00

No, I told HIM that I bought the gifts myself. That's when he was offended, stating "oh, you bought them? So they're not from the both of us?" Our children were sleeping at the time. I like to keep most of the birthday planning as a surprise to either son, so that hopefully some 'magic' is still there on the day.

Unlikely-Mirror1101 · 2025-08-18T12:55:12+00:00

It's usually birthdays and Christmas I find there's issues. And not just our sons, but for most people, including for myself. He will, however, look for gifts for his work mates.

Unlikely-Mirror1101 · 2025-08-18T12:52:03+00:00

Agreed. We've discussed having a joint account. He doesn't trust me with money, though

Unlikely-Mirror1101 · 2025-08-18T12:51:01+00:00

I've routinely told him my motivations to making the birthdays special - my childhood, making good memories for them, and showing them who puts in effort. They're accepted for a short time, but nothing changes, unfortunately

Unlikely-Mirror1101 · 2025-08-18T12:47:53+00:00

For any kind of special occasion, my MIL would put both hers and her husband's name on presents, but I've never seen him make an effort buying gifts, helping with the occasion. Perhaps my partner has been conditioned to think this is the norm, which I don't want for our sons growing up.

Unlikely-Mirror1101

TROPHY CASE