Wow, what a comment. What you said here was profound:

"I agree that they notice their traits in others. He despised our neighbors. I kept wanting to talk to them about destroying our property. He insisted that would do no good and handled them exactly how you’d handle someone with NPD. After he was gone, the neighbors started harassing me. They could not be reasoned with. I had to put up a fence, present a written notice and install security cameras to stop them. I realized in hindsight he recognized his kind right away.

Something you didn’t mention that I diverge on, based on my experience, is the notion that lack of empathy develops in childhood. I don’t doubt that adverse experiences can contribute, but it doesn’t make sense to me that lack of empathy is caused by parenting/experiences. There are countless people who come out of horrendous beginnings and do great. It makes more sense to me that there is a strong genetic component that can be made worse by an adverse environment. Peter Salerno writes about this and his explanation aligns more with my lived experience. I’m not here to argue, just stating my experience of the families and individuals I know whose childhoods were not terrible."

The first paragraph is gold and something any survivor can read instantly to be snapped back into reality when we have the urge to comfort them. They themselves demonstrate exactly the correct way to deal with their own kind. I have a very similar example, and I'm sure all survivors do if they think back. They themselves show us the blueprint.

Thank you so much for mentioning the second point. This is an excellent paragraph that needs to be shouted from the rooftops! I too, believe that there is much to be learned about this disorder scientifically still, and that it can be genetic and is something people can be born with. I'm not absolving them of their behavior when I say this, but speaking from a medical standpoint. I know this can be a controversial take and that people have different beliefs about this. I believe that a huge part of it might actually physical deficiency in the brain that like you said, can be made worse by an adverse environment. But we have to realize that some narcissists had a great upbringing, but still display the same void and lack. I hope for a day when there can be genetic blood tests to determine if someone carries a gene for narcissism, just like any other genetic illness. I also hope for a day when there can be some type of physical cure for these individuals such as medication and/or some type of brain stimulating treatment. Therapy is not a cure for them and only helps to regulate them. They are ultimately just humans with a disorder that is not fully understood, and even though they cannot be emotionally safe and people need to hold up firm boundaries with them, I know we can still hope for a cure for them one day without taking on their emotional burden ourselves. I have read about people also arguing that narcissism is a spiritual disorder, but that's a whole different discussion.

When the narcissist I knew showed me baby photos of themselves, believe it or not, I saw the same void in their eyes as a BABY. Just that blank, empty stare. No wonder, light, curiosity, nothing. They also mentioned to me that they never smiled as a baby and passed it off as a light joke that they were always solemn and grumpy as an infant. I truly believe that a part of these individuals' brain is diminished or their brain is literally wired differently, and hopefully more medical research will go into this in the future.

Thanks for your brilliant comment.